王炸对决！毛豆上班成为营业厅’明星’，哈哈曹讲述小时候被猪追杀经历！丨《脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季》 STAND-UP COMEDY2
Hello everyone , I’m Maodou. Hello everyone, hello everyone. Last year I talked about some of my experiences in combating water theft in the water company . Many people successfully remembered how to steal water. People asked me about the technical details all day long. There was also the case where the magnet was installed upside down, and the water meter turned into a big windmill, using tap water to launder money. My colleagues now say that they went out to collect water fees and collected so much in two months . The magnets are all highly magnetic and are placed in their bags . At noon, I was waiting for the bus on the subway back to the company. There was a child standing behind him at this height. As soon as he got on the bus, his glasses were sucked away. The child said, “Mom, am I blind?” He gave up his seat to an old man on the bus and said, “Uncle, you come and take the Dalian subway. The seat is made of iron. He
is there. The uncle came and the uncle was confused and said, “What seat ?” It was a fake move. When I first participated in the show, I was still working in the company. At first, I thought that taking a week off would be enough, but in the end I competed in six rounds. When I got back to the company, the leader was very nice . He didn’t fire me, but changed my position and made me work as a receptionist in the lobby. With my temperament, I was still receiving people . With my temperament, I was always doing lending. The lobby was OK. Fat is beautiful in the lobby . Datang, this job is really hard. On my first day at work, a user’s home had no water. She stood at the door and kept scolding for half an hour without repeating herself. I asked which rapper’s home water was cut off. The leader asked me to go and fix it, so I went over. She said, “Who do you think you are? Where are you from? ” I said, “I came from the lobby.” She said, “Go get some experience.” What are you doing here? She scolded me. Finally , the leader came in person and said, “Xiao Mao, you are still young. Look at me, you are worthy of being a leader. ” He went up and said a few words to me, and the elder sister started to fight . I said, “We can turn friendship into war. ” People complain all day long about some problems, and I can’t do anything about them. You said the water quality was not good, scolded me for cutting off the water, scolded me, and contacted a repairman to come and fix it for him. The next day, he complained again that the repairman’s feet were too smelly. It was so annoying . When the repairman came back, I said, “Brother, someone complained that your feet were smelly. ” He said that my feet were not smelly . Then we were in a stalemate, and I couldn’t go over to smell them. I said , really, what can I do? When the master comes to work, I carry a basin of water at the door. I say, “Master, wash your feet. I’ll tell you the story of the little duck.” There was also an old man who took a two-hour bus to pay the water bill. When he got off the bus, he found that he didn’t bring his water card, so he got angry. I asked that user, “What user?” He said, ” Look, you’re so fat. What’s the point of the company having you bunch of losers ?” He took another two-hour bus ride back to get it. We’re all off work. What’s the point of having a loser like me? I didn’t tell him that he could pay online without taking a water card. There are people with bad tempers and all kinds of inexplicable users. It’s really strange. They come to consult and say, “Hey, young man, how much should I pay for my 32 yuan water bill?” I said, “32, right?” He said, “Hey , young man , what material is this steel pipe in our house made of ?” I said, “Steel, right?” He said , “You are the water company, right? Can you pay the electricity bill with this? ” I said, “No, I can’t.” After working for two months, I feel like I have been assimilated . At noon, I went to the cafeteria to get food and asked, “Master , what kind of meat is this stir-fried lamb with green onions? ” The master said, ” How do you know it’s synthetic meat? ” I had just participated in the show at that time and was often recognized by people. They came to take pictures with me and chat with me . There really aren’t many artists like me who really work in the business hall. When asked what I do in the company, I was embarrassed to say that I’m a doorman here. I said that I’m in charge of some import and export business of the company. Once, two or three ladies lined up in front of me to take pictures with me. The old man behind me was full of question marks and asked, “Do we have to take pictures first when paying the water bill here ? We can’t pay directly, right? And my front desk doesn’t even have a table, only a stool. There’s no place to put the company’s phone. I have to hold it. I have no choice. I’m a talk show host. I can’t let words fall on the ground . There ‘s no table. I want to write some manuscripts, but there’s no place to put the computer. I can only stroll around the lobby. The key is that when I think of a joke, I always laugh. My eyes are dull and I stand in the middle of the lobby . The security guard was scared and asked him if he could see some dirty things. Writing manuscripts is nothing. It’s true. Later, there were a few times when I practiced interaction standing in the lobby. Brother, did you come here by yourself? Where is this brother? The security guard was completely scared and asked, “Xiao Mao , can you please ask these users to go out for lunch break first ? Really, I have no place to lie down during lunch break, so I can only sleep on my back upstairs. ” Someone ordered takeout and wrote in the note that it was ok to put it at the front desk. The guy then put milk tea on my stomach. Sometimes when I opened my eyes , the floor was full of milk tea and fruit. The guy was still on the phone. He said that there was no front desk on the first floor , but a Maitreya Buddha. And I slept on my back and snored badly. I snored there and there was an echo. There was also an echo in the lobby . The sound was particularly loud. The manager called me and said there was a strange noise on the first floor and asked me to go and have a look. I went over to check and there was nothing, so I went back to sleep. He called again and I went to check again and there was nothing . I went back and forth two or three times and I was angry. I was scared and angry , so I unplugged my phone line and continued to sleep. As a result, after a while, the rapper came. She saw me sleeping and went upstairs directly and had a fight with the manager. The security guard said that this place is indeed not clean. The next day he burned some incense and sure enough, the dirty things were gone . I couldn’t sleep. It was really scary. I snored and was stuck. It was the scariest thing for me there. I once dreamed of a joke in my dream and slept with a feeling of smiling in the grave. The happiest person who was transferred here was the security guard. He used to work at the front desk. Now he has no work to do so he just licks the leader . When he talks to the leader, he becomes a clamp . The leader is back. You are too busy all day. I feel sorry for him. He is not a green tea. He is old and tea. He is Pu’er. The workplace is for the old man to play. He licks the manager and the big leader. The team leader and the squad leader ask him to do some work. It is always difficult . He said, “I won’t do it, so what? What can they do to me ? ” I watched the “Singer 2025” two days ago and felt that I saw the old man again. What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? He has nothing to do every day. He watches those short videos all day long and studies Feng Shui. He says that the company’s Feng Shui has evil spirits. He hangs a bagua mirror at the door of each office to ward off evil spirits. I sleep at noon every day. The bagua mirror refracts the sunlight on my face from all angles. I lie there with my forehead glowing and snoring. The colleagues who pass by are confused. He says that the edamame is boiled in his room. There is also such a big crystal ball in the room . It costs 50 yuan and includes postage. I put it on the windowsill. On a sunny afternoon in summer, I lit up his sofa. I didn’t expect Feng Shui to be so hot. The old man is covered with strings of bodhi, olives, walnuts and jujube kernels. It feels like he has dug out a squirrel’s nest . The old man came into the room and took off his coat. I said, “Uncle, you still want the five-nut filling.” The old man said, ” I tell you, these are all cultural relics.” I said, “Okay, five-nut .” The old man also has a piece of Hetian jade. The rope is very long and almost hangs on his belly button. The first time he showed it off to me, he said, “Little Mao, let me show you something good.” I said, “Uncle, if you want to pull up your pants , pull them up from the bottom.” He polished it every day and asked me, ” Look, is the patina transparent? Look, is the luster transparent?” He polished it every day and finally broke the rope of the jade. That day, he took out an empty rope next to me . I was shocked and said, “Uncle , your jade It was getting more and more transparent, I couldn’t see anything. When I was about to resign, the old man still advised me that tap water was prosperous. He said water was wealth, and tap water was wealth. I said, no wonder this old man likes to hang a jade pendant on his neck. I also want to work and perform at the same time, but there are indeed some performances that cannot be postponed, so I can only take sick leave. Later, I don’t know who recommended a Xiaoguo applet to our leader. He clicked it and found that I participated in 47 performances while being sick last month. It was indeed wealth. He came down in person and fired me. It didn’t matter to me . The old man said, if you leave, I will have to work at the front desk. I said, what? What can I do? Thank you everyone, I am Edamame . Let’s give a round of applause to Edamame. Thank you. Edamame is counting down to lock the tickets. Let’s give another round of applause to Edamame. Thank you. I am very happy that Edamame is one of the few who can make everyone happy even if they are not in their best condition. The kind of players who are struggling to survive are the gems of this industry. They are not as bad as Zhisheng. Zhisheng is still very happy even if he messes up. So I didn’t say you messed up today, do n’t get me wrong , I just felt that he was not in his best condition. Then I heard knocks from all sides , so I didn’t think my vote mattered. Yes , but I think that’s it. But I’m very, very happy because when Maodou came on stage, it felt like Chinese New Year. He was very skillful. He talked about snoring. He snored by himself. It was so funny. I’ve met people who snore before. There was a voice-controlled light next to them after they snored. We were dancing around each other. I especially liked what he said. That one about the beauty of the Tang Dynasty was so vivid. It really matched Maodou’s image perfectly. I want to ask Maodou a question. The problem is that he talked about the water plant before, and this time he talked about his work in the lobby. Have you done other jobs before? I worked in toll collection maintenance and the front desk. I worked at the front desk because I was taking performances at the time , and then I had no choice but to tell my leader that I had myocarditis and you were scheming. But inflammation is almost the same as myocarditis because I checked it a lot and myocarditis can’t be seen on the surface. It can’t be seen on the surface. I said I had myocarditis. After I came back, the leader said that if you have heart disease, don’t go out to work, do n’t dig ditches outside and die outside, so I was asked to be a doorman in the company. As a result, the 47 scenes were exposed. After listening to it, my biggest feeling was that I think real life is always more interesting than observing life, because this is Maodou’s own experience. It’s better than the last time you talked about visiting the mummy exhibition. I think it’s better. I personally think it’s much better because it’s what you really experienced. So Maodou is indeed one of the contestants who left the most profound impression on everyone in the past few seasons because of his control of the stage, including his ability to perform any subject matter explosively. Let’s applaud Maodou again. Take a short rest in the waiting area. The team from the Four Heavenly Kings who are going to compete with Maodou has just been officially certified by the rap circle as a talk show actor. Applause to welcome Haha Cao, the audience on the first floor and the audience on the second floor. Hello, I am Haha Cao. We are gathered here today. First of all, I want to thank our Taotao. I originally focused on rap this year. I was supposed to be in the semi-finals there. I’ve been involved in rap for 8 years and have made more than 30 songs. The first time I participated in that program, I was evaluated as “different fields are like different mountains” . When I came to record this last year, they also said that I was different fields are like different mountains. There are two mountains of prejudice in people’s hearts. I have a rap homie (friend) Huang Yulong. He watched the cut of Huang Zitao eliminating me a few days ago . He called me and said, “At first I was going to laugh at you bro (brother) , but halfway through I felt embarrassed for you. I felt that I was not a good brother. I really should have stopped you from going. When I heard me say that, my bro (brother) was really touching. As a result, he changed his WeChat avatar to Huang Zitao. Now he asks me every morning if I want a chain . After I was eliminated, I returned to my family. Recently, I took my child to an early childhood education class . Now their early childhood education class is popular with Montessori education. Montessori is an Italian educational school. I was suddenly curious the other day, so I wanted to search for the educational background of this educator ‘s child, because I don’t know how Italian education is. Anyway, our Chinese education recognizes this. You are an educator, so is your child from Yale or Cambridge? I asked, so I searched and found that his child did not go to college . I felt a little sorry for the money. I said that the Montessori education method is not as good as the Li Honghui education method . Li Honghui is my mother. She still raised a third-tier university student. I think the Montessori education method sounds unimpressive. It says that letting children grow freely and children will become successful on their own. I feel that she doesn’t want to control him. It’s the Li Honghui education method that is much more imposing. Every time before educating me, my mother would look into my eyes and say, ” If I gave birth to you, I will strangle you to death.” Do you know? When I was a child, the person I was most afraid of in my family was my mother because she would come. Really, once my mother took me to practice calligraphy. She asked me to write the word “在” ten times . At that time, I was writing it and hesitating there. I told my mother that this character “在” looked like a tank. My mother was patient at first. She said that our baby is really imaginative. Mom thought it looked like a tank. I hesitated for about half an hour. Before I finished writing the ten characters “在”, my mother couldn’t stand it anymore. She threw tanks at me and I was stunned . She launched a blitzkrieg against me. I felt like when Germany attacked Poland, Poland reacted to me and said, “Why are there so many tanks coming all of a sudden? ” It’s true. So I am really grateful to my mother. She taught me to respect women. I am a man, and I usually visit Hupu. It gives people ratings. Zhang Weili’s ratings have always been 9.8 or 9.9, while Yang Li’s are only 2.something. It seems that my mother knew since she was a child that it’s useless to scold this man. You have to beat him before he will obey. Now I am very convinced of my mother’s education . I think she taught well. I think my mother teaches students in accordance with their aptitude. What kind of talent do I have? I won’t know until I die . There are some truths in the kind of material that sheds tears. I can only understand them in tears . You know, when I was a child, I was really naughty and a bit annoying. One year, I was in Ningxiang, at my grandparents’ house . My grandparents raised pigs . One day, they went out to play mahjong . I was bored at home alone, so I went to play with the pigs. I ran to the pigpen and rushed over. I first provoked the pig with words, saying, “You are a pig.” At first, the pig didn’t react, so I got a little angry. I increased the intensity of my provocation. I took a small stick and poked its nostrils. I turned around and I regretted it. I felt like I had opened Pandora’s box. I turned around and the pig flew out. As soon as it landed, we were both stunned for a moment. It probably didn’t expect that it could run out. After it jumped out, it started to chase me. I ran and cried, ran and cried. Even now, when I think back to the details of being chased by the pig, I feel very scared. Interesting fact: Adult pigs run faster than minors . Why wasn’t I chased by that pig gang back then? Gang (attack) can’t use this hip-hop (rap) word, sorry. Why didn’t I get killed by the pig that year? First of all, I think it might be because of my burst of adrenaline . Another reason is that the pig had been lying there in front of me without moving. When it suddenly flew out, its thigh was strained. When I glanced at it out of the corner of my eye, it was limping a little when chasing me. Really, friends, you must warm up before exercising. Okay, this is what my fitness enlightenment coach Ningxiang Huazhu told me. I was crying and running. I ran to the bedroom of my grandparents’ house . As soon as I closed the door, I felt that the pig was still blocking me at the door. I quickly called The person complained first and called my grandparents. I said, “Is this how you raise your children? You only know how to play cards every day. I’m going to be killed by the pigs here. My grandparents got very excited and scared when they heard that, so they hurried over to see me. Then his two other card-playing friends were also very interested. We Ningxiang people have been raising pigs for thousands of years, and it’s rare for pigs to kill people. They wanted to come and have a look. When they arrived at the scene, it was indeed a mess. I hid in the bedroom and cried. The pig was outside, and I didn’t know what it was doing. It might have been massaging the strained leg with a fascia gun . My grandparents came in and hugged me and comforted me, saying that it was okay and everything would be fine. The other two card-playing friends were bystanders. I still found some clues and asked a question that I almost couldn’t answer. They asked me how come the pig suddenly came to kill me when the pigpen was almost 100 meters away from your bedroom. I said I didn’t know because I was doing my homework well. It was after this incident that I realized that pigs are actually very aggressive animals. I had always thought that the pig was locked in the pigpen by the fence. Later, I realized that it was locked there just for a meal . During the recording of this year’s program, I saw that many contestants liked sublimation, and I also wanted to try it. Come to sublime. I hope that if you have nothing to do, don’t poke other people’s noses with things. Thank you everyone . I am haha Cao haha Cao locked vote countdown haha Cao. Why do you want to share this story ? Because originally it was the beginning. It was something else. Recently, that video just aired and it caused a big wave in my heart. As soon as I closed my eyes, Maodou has been imitating Huang Zitao and has been imitating me. You know, come backstage and let’s see what it’s like. Different lines are like different mountains. You are like different lines. He has some personal grudges against me every day. This time we are also fighting with him. The road of personal grudges is awesome. Haha Cao, this is the part you just mentioned. Huang Zitao said that you really care about this part of yours. I didn’t care that much at first, but this It’s a bit like last year when I finished recording the show here for the first time. Now I have clicked on all the talk shows on my social media. This year I also clicked on rap. You know, there is nothing to watch . I watch commercials every day. In fact, I still care about it. Of course, his dream is. We need to ask Mr. Luo Yonghao seriously. Let me tell you that this is the first time that Mr. Luo Yonghao has clapped for Haha Cao. What’s so strange about this ? I hesitated for a long time because I liked Haha Cao very much afterwards. In the first round last year, I wrote some vicious words to him. Later, I reflected on myself as a middle-aged person. Why should I tell the truth ? But he performed better and better throughout the season , and then when it came to this round, I was in a compensatory mood , so I wanted to shoot the first game , but the first game was not very good. Then we can say good things, right? Yes, there are good things, but it has reached that point , which made me hesitate to shoot, but I hope to see you make me lose control of shooting in the subsequent events. I think I can see that day I want to ask Mr. Luo where the good things are. In the future , in the future , it will get better and better . I hesitated and shot it. This is already very good. I like it very much, haha. Cao, every time he talks, I feel that it is very kind , fresh and vivid. And when he talked about the funny things he did with pigs when he was a child , I actually thought of some naughty things I did when I was a child. One thing I did when I was a child was that I wanted a skateboard , but skateboarding was a luxury in our era Luxury goods are not that easy to buy, so I stepped on the abacus and turned it over to make a skateboard and acupressure board. I just wanted to find a slope and slide on it, so my abacus actually broke very quickly. It’s okay as long as I ‘m fine. I like Mr. Haiyuan very much. Haha Cao has some very neurotic jokes in his content , such as the pig strain massage gun and the fascia gun. I think this kind of joke is very imaginative, and I like this kind of joke very much . I think Haha Cao’s own style is very innocent and imaginative. I think this is a very valuable point for a talk show host. Don’t rap. Give applause to Haha Cao again . At the same time, we have to invite Maodou back to the scene. In the end , how much support did they get ? Please see. Both of them must be 270 (bad) 4 points. Thank you Maodou 274 (votes) Haha Cao 270 (votes)