男足踢成这样是因为他们没看过外国人踢球吗？小四爷精准吐槽销售的双标行为！丨《脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季》 STAND-UP COMEDY2
Hello everyone, I am Kid. Hello friends on the second floor. Recently, I often feel that I am stuck in the middle, neither up nor down. For example, my education is a very ordinary undergraduate, and it is difficult for the audience to directly recognize us. You see, we are highly educated actors. When we come up with a graduate student from Columbia University or Peking University , the audience immediately recognizes us and says that he must be very profound and thoughtful. This is why I never talk about my school, because I know that if I say my school on the stage, the audience will only ask him why he is talking about this. This is an ordinary undergraduate who is neither up nor down. You don’t know my ranking and fame. In the past year, I have been with these famous friends. How many times have friends mistaken me for their agents when they go out ? And how many times have they mistaken me for Li Xingliang? I am really upset about this. What have I done? What have I done wrong? For example, I wrote a business draft very seriously two days ago and submitted it to Party A for a week. Do you know what Party A said? Party A said they didn’t want such an ordinary talk show and asked me if I had seen Fu Hang or Hu Lan. I was really anxious at the time. I said, “Brother, is this something you have never seen before?” The men’s football team plays like this because they have never seen foreigners play football. Don’t they watch it every four years? Could it be that they turned on the TV and saw the World Cup and suddenly realized that they can still play like this? Can they still kick the ball into the goal? That would only happen to foreign teams. Can they still kick the ball like this? I feel very uncomfortable. I said I am ordinary. What’s wrong? You know, every time I hear the story of Tian Ji’s horse racing on the stage, I will deeply empathize with the middle-class horse. The middle-class horse is so miserable. Every day, there is anxiety that it will be overtaken by the lower-class horse at any time . And there is the illusion that if they work hard, they can become the upper-class horse . But they don’t recognize you. The upper-class horse thinks you are different. The lower-class horse thinks you are the same. You are under the greatest pressure. You think Tian Ji must have said the same thing to the upper-class horse and the lower-class horse. Just relax and go through the motions. Just treat it as a game. When it comes to the middle-class horse, you have to run well. We are together. You have also seen the big environment in the country. If you don’t run, there are plenty of horses that want to run, and then use PUA (mental control). Since my first year participating in the competition, our boss would tell me before the show to do my best and that I was a dark horse in his eyes . Later , he told everyone that our company was full of dark horses , and you also saw these dozens of dark horses running every year. Why do people always think that if I work hard, I can cross the class and become a superior horse? But in fact, the real crossing of the class is not to become a superior horse , but to become Tian Ji. Friends, let me give you an example . Does anyone watch “The Rap of China”? (Yes) I love watching “The Rap of China” very much. Every year when the competition reaches the final, the trailer is to let us look forward to who will laugh last. I said, who will laugh last? Ma Dong, who will laugh last? Isn’t it him? He doesn’t laugh last, but he laughs from beginning to end , from day to night. When I came out at night, it was already dark. Then let’s quickly start “A Wonderful Night of Pleasant People”. The truth of life is an endless cycle. Top, middle and bottom horses are all chips on other people’s poker tables. What can you change? You can only change your mentality. I’m okay because when I was in school, I was just an ordinary class , but I had a very good mentality. One day, my deskmate broke down and cried, saying that those people in the Rocket Class are living the real life . We The future is different, the environment is different, and the fate is different. We have nothing in common. I said that we paid the same tuition, right? What about mentality, future, environment, and fate ? I have only one thing : my parents are different. Are we inferior to the best? We are inferior to our ancestors. Originally, I couldn’t get into college with my grades. Fortunately, I met a very good head teacher . After meeting him, I also found that there are also top Bole, middle Bole, and bottom Bole. At the beginning of the second year of high school, he came to the class and talked about calculating the total score . Last year, our class was the last among ordinary classes. But classmates, this is not a failure. It’s just that we happen to be not good at calculating the total score. Everyone must be here Find the subject that each of us is best at in each semester and work hard at it. Some students said, “Teacher, I am not good at it.” The head teacher said, “Child, it is impossible for a person to be without advantages. Do n’t worry, the teacher will accompany you. If Chinese is not good, try English. If English is not good, try math. If neither of them is good, let’s try art . Friends, I understood what hard-test education is at that time. Even his words have been useful to me until today. “You are not a failure, you just happen to be not good at it. We are all good at different things . The top horses also have their inferior places. We can compare sleep with Musk and listening with Beethoven. Your pain comes from the fact that you want to compare with the top . What are you comparing with? Let ‘s compare with the bottom. Once you compare with the bottom, you will find I can’t compare with the top now , but there is God below . I’m not trying to persuade everyone to lie down. I just think that when the whole world is making things difficult for you, you have to be the first person to let yourself go. I often say to the mirror, Kid, the upper limit of what you can achieve in this life is to be mediocre and unknown . Lululemon (brand) , this is the upper limit of what you can achieve in this life . You have to let yourself go because others won’t let you go. They will even give you the ordinary category. They will say that you can be ordinary but you can’t be mediocre. Have you heard this sentence? (I have heard it) You can be ordinary but you can’t be mediocre. When I first heard it I was very angry. I said, what’s the difference ? Aren’t these just synonyms ? I’m already ordinary, why do you still divide me into so many categories? Then I can also say to the rich people that you can be rich but you can’t be noble. If you must be rich and noble , can you be my father at the same time ? I don’t argue. Many of my friends will argue. ” Thirty years in the east, thirty years in the west.” I don’t understand this sentence even more. You see, we subconsciously think that Hexi is better , but it is possible that when you go to Hexi, you will find that the housing prices in Hexi are twice that of Hedong. You will also find that Hexi is also divided into outer ring, middle ring and inner ring. I never wanted to live for thirty years. Life in the east for thirty years and in the west for thirty years . I want to live the kind of life that Ma Dong and Jack Ma have lived for thirty years. If I am not destined to live this kind of life , then I will never have it. You say I have never thought about it? Of course I have thought about it. When I participated in the competition in my first year, I also thought that I would blow up the field, win the championship , stand out and become the “superior”. That day, I thought so passionately that I would carve ” reject mediocrity” on my desk. As I was carving, I found that I could not write “mediocrity”, so I immediately accepted myself. At that time, I saw the “reject mediocrity” on my desk. I said that compared to mediocrity, I seem to be born better at being ordinary. Having said that, thank you all. Thank you handsome Kid. Countdown to lock the tickets. Applause again for Kid. (Kid) mentioned the theory of the medium horse, which is quite interesting , but you still didn’t applaud . Kid’s performance was definitely one of his better today . Have you really reconciled with yourself and let it go? Or is it just a show effect ? I don’t think it’s a show effect. This is just my current situation. No one doesn’t want to be better. I seem to rarely applaud you. We’ve been together for many seasons , but I actually think you have a very good talent and it ‘s not hypocritical. I really like you and I ‘m looking forward to it. Thank you, Mr. Luo . Thank you. I think Kid has completed his transformation since his last PPT (presentation). I think he has been very good since then , including this one. I personally like it very much, but I just think the only flaw is that there are some individual jokes that are not particularly novel or within my expectations. In fact, I think this is a new article I wrote in the past ten days. And this year, when recording the show , the breakthrough I want to make is to make the content more functional, because many friends who watch our show across the screen may have been tired after a day. I think our talk show may need to have this kind of electronic pickled mustard function. Last year, I was always talking about my own affairs, and I also had a lot of pain. I haven’t talked about it yet , but I think that maybe this year I don’t want to start too much from myself. I just want to think about what everyone might like to listen to recently or want to listen to and what I want to say, and find the balance between them . Then I wrote this article. I really want to say that I like it very much. I think, for example, the pun in “There is God ” can comfort many people , right? At that moment, I feel that I understand a little bit in my heart, and his point is particularly good . Comparing with Beethoven’s listening, because Beethoven would not say that he was a superior horse because he could not speak Chinese, but the point is that it ‘s okay, he can’t hear you, it’s okay, right? Maybe it’s true that he can’t hear me. I want to strangle fate by the throat, but I think this is a kind of relief, because everyone is a superior horse, how anxious , and I don’t know that this superior is often false, because I have seen many so-called superior people who are not standing in high places but nailed in high places. Do you understand? It hurts them very much , and in fact, the middle and lower classes don’t sound good. They have their own freedom and freedom. In fact, I think it’s also a kind of scenery. I think it’s pretty good. That’s it. Thank you. I think he helped me solve a problem I have now , which is a problem , especially my first When the first stage came, I had a big problem. I actually told the director team repeatedly that among all the laughing friends, I felt that my professional knowledge of talk show was not as good as other teachers, so I was very anxious. I completely disagreed with your sense of talk show. You just heard a few less talk show terms. Mr. Luo, the part I just said was just a prelude to myself. It was very humorous. I was wrong. Now I want to turn around and get rid of the burden. After listening to Kid’s part, I felt liberated . Actually, I don’t need to be a top-notch horse in this laughing group. I’ll just be a wild horse and come to this track where I feel my nonsense. Wild horses are good and running fast is the happiest thing to do. Applause to Kid. Thank you . Let’s see. Kid now has 30 votes. Is he going to take up the challenge? This is the last contestant in the shield group. There are three more contestants in the spear group , namely Ah Xiu, Bu Jingyun and Xiao Siye. So does anyone want to join Kid? Start the countdown to grab the microphone and stand up. Stand up . Xiao Siye said that he might win . Stand up, everyone. Xiao Siye , because he is already a medium-level horse, but I am still a newcomer. I’m still an inferior horse. You’re not the dark horse, right? Come on, let’s race . Kid , take a short break and start the race. Come on, Xiao Siye. The next actor to perform has squeezed into the poverty track through his previous performance. Today he will continue to share the feeling of being poor with everyone. Applause, welcome Xiao Siye. Thank you, everyone . I’m Xiao Siye . Did you notice that when the actors came up, they would specially say hello to the friends on the second floor? It’s intentional. If you couldn’t vote, no one would care about you, but I care about you. Thank you , of course you too. Just kidding, back to myself, actually I’m talking about Before the talk show, I was checking tickets at the entrance of a small theater, but the salary of a ticket checker was very low. My dad once asked me how much I was paid. After I told him, he comforted me and said, “It’s okay . You should be able to smell the good things that other people are doing in Shanghai. It’s okay. They just smelled it before you. After all, there is a sequence of smelling. Every month , some people spend their money by choice. They earn more and spend more. People like me who earn less spend their money passively. I don’t want to spend my money by choice, but Shanghai doesn’t agree to say that I spend my money by choice. In fact, my money can’t last 31 days every month. For my money, I spend my money every month. It’s a leap month. In order to save money, I basically don’t eat breakfast and only eat two meals a day . I live in the most prosperous city in China , but I always feel like I’m living in a cheap hotel. Breakfast is not included. I can’t bear to spend the small money. I often go out of the subway station and see it’s raining. There are umbrellas for sale nearby. I can’t bear to buy an umbrella . I just wait for the rain to stop. As a result, the rain gets heavier. I told the rain that I still like you when you were little. How come you’ve grown up in the blink of an eye ? You also drizzled me when you were a child . I’m so poor, but what makes me angry is that there are still people who want me to spend more money. The house I rented before has increased in price, so I have to find a new house . The agent told me that he said that in fact, you might as well pay more and rent this one next door. I bought a house with a balcony, but I was too embarrassed to say that I had no money. I said I had a balcony but I had no use for it and I didn’t want to jump now. He did n’t give up and kept persuading me that the balcony was convenient for drying things. I said no , because if I had anything to dry, I could just post it on WeChat Moments . In order to prove that the house was not expensive, he persuaded me that it wouldn’t cost much more, just the price of one meal a day on average. I said I’d go back and think about it. The agent said there was nothing to consider . I said consider which meal I would miss. I also met an insurance salesman who called me and asked me to buy insurance. He said it was just one meal a day, but I didn’t have any meal . I asked what kind of insurance it was, and he said accident insurance . I asked if starving to death would be considered an accident, and he said no. I thought to myself that it really wasn’t. If I missed so many meals, then starving to death would be expected. Have you noticed that the sales tactics of these people are all the same ? I even met a gym salesman at the subway entrance , who kept pestering me, saying brother, it’s not expensive to do activities. In fact, for us boys, it’s just the price of a pack of cigarettes a day. I said I don’t smoke, and he said it’s just the price of a cup of milk tea . I don’t drink milk tea either, and he said you can eat. It’s just the price of one meal . I hate this sentence so much. I said do you know how many meals I eat a day? How many meals? Do you know that there were two salesmen before you who left me without food, and you deducted my money again? How come I still owe you a meal ? You want me to go out and get another meal for you ? If I follow what you salesmen say, I will have a balcony and insurance, and I don’t eat every day (fitness) . I also go to the gym and do aerobics on an empty stomach. As soon as I got on the treadmill, I couldn’t run. The coach said, “You didn’t eat.” I said, “Right.” Didn’t you tell me to eat less at the subway entrance ? I also do aerobics on an empty stomach. Is aerobics still useful to me? Oxygen is useless to me . The only effect of oxygen on me is to help combustion . I will burn faster than others during cremation. It must be faster than others because I have burned fat in the gym . People who rent my house in the future will definitely be excited. The rent of the house must be cheap. It’s a good haunted house , and it’s the most popular type among haunted houses. I’m a starving ghost. Who is afraid of starving ghosts? Starving ghosts sound weak when they hear it. You can just charm them with a piece of bread and eat them. I think these salesmen have a double standard in their attitude towards money. Because when they want us to spend more money, they don’t care, right? It’s just one meal a day. But when we want to bargain with them, they seem to be so stingy with money , right? They say it can’t be a penny less . If it’s less, I will lose money. Then how much money can you, a salesman, lose ? It’s just the money for one meal a day at most. Don’t you care, right? Anyway, I won’t listen to them. I won’t eat less. I will eat as soon as I have money. Of course, if there are friends who are in sales , don’t think that I have prejudice against the profession of sales, because I have been in sales before , but I never said it’s just one meal a day because I have been caught in the rain. I hated this sentence before because life was really difficult. Now I can afford to eat, so I don’t hate it so much. Now I even welcome sales friends to recommend houses with balconies to me. After all, there are a lot of things to show when I’m on the show. Okay, I’ll stop here today. Thank you all . It ‘s amazing. The countdown to the lock-in ticket of Xiao Siye. Warm applause. He is amazing. How can he be so awesome? Master class Too strong. Friends at the scene, have you noticed that I think many actors might be scared to death by your silence before , but the Fourth Master is still shouting calmly, just in his rhythm , really, and it’s just a meal , really , and that sentence is particularly magical, just the money for a meal . I also want to say that his tone is particularly brainwashing. The longer he talks, the more he sounds like a spoiled child . Why? Just the money for a meal. And when he kept turning over a piece of broken rice, yes , just that one sentence, I was counting five, six, seven, eight times in my heart. I was already a mess, and I was able to get it back in the end. It was really a show of skill. How could he come up with it? It ‘s just the money for a meal, that’s all. And I even think that it’s a good thing that Guangzhi has transformed, otherwise he can’t defend this poor track. He can’t beat him. He ‘s too cruel . But there is a new member Gao Han in the poor track . Gao Han is pretending to be poor. No, Gao Han is down and out. Fenghuang, I am much richer than the other two of them. Look at Gao Han. Do you think that this performance of Xiao Siye is scary ? Last time, I competed with him, and then we did a post-interview. I asked him how many more articles like this you have. He said that he has a hit show. I said, then I will never compete with you again. Xiao Siye, let me ask you , has your life changed after you started the talk show ? Now you live in a 40-square-meter rental house ? It used to be a big studio. A big studio of 10 square meters. And there is a piece of news. After becoming rich, one of the things that Teacher Da spent money on was to go to your concert. No , it was Teacher Da who generously invited me to go. Yes , thank you. It’s just that I heard that this was your first time to watch a concert . Yes, it was indeed the first time in your life, so thank you very much. Originally, this is not my consumption level. Don’t worry, it’s not that expensive , but the key point is whether you feel happy watching it. Are you happy? It’s very happy. It’s much more exciting than the talk show. The first time I gave the light was because I think Xiao Siye Ye is so amazing. He challenged everyone with different opinions right from the start. He said that the friend on the second floor offended the audience first because the reason why I fell in love with talk shows in the first place was because I watched those talk shows abroad. I said that I could talk to the audience like this because I had the confidence . I would offend you first and then make you crazy. I didn’t. That’s right. It reminded me of the moment when I first fell in love with this thing because no one told me that I could talk like this since I was a child . At that moment, I had to clap the lights . It reminded me that I began to appreciate the charm of this art. Yes, and today there is also Xie Haihan, the manager of Sixiao Comedy, at the scene because Xiao Siye is in their club. What do you think of Xiao Siye’s performance today? Before he went on stage, I was very, very nervous. The old Wang next to me said, “You laugh, but I’m actually nervous all the time . I’m nervous for him. I’m actually a little reluctant to laugh. After the show, I think he He did it. The label I gave him before was the hope of the whole village. Then I think he did it in these two games. There is another point about him that impressed me very much. He said, ” When the rain is light, I still like you. When you were young, you used to water me.” I feel that everything he did was unexpected . I only knew that it would turn into something else , but I don’t know what it would turn into. This is the genius part. And it is difficult for you to figure out why this thing would think like this. It’s amazing. It’s really great. Little Fourth Master, I want to say something to you. Next time, if you encounter rain, don’t worry or be anxious. Just open Meituan and click on the flash sale. The umbrella will be delivered directly in 30 minutes. You must remember that Meituan’s flash sale is both your timely rain and your umbrella. Thank you. Now the second round is full of surprises. Another warm applause to Little Fourth Master. Thank you. At the same time, Kid (Kid) returned to the scene. Let’s take a look at the total votes. It is certain that Little Fourth Master has 265 , 275, and 285 votes. Both of them are very high. Kid (Kid) is evenly matched and both have very high votes. Little Fourth Master advanced to the next round with 276 votes . Kid (Kid) also has a very high number of votes. Take a break.