流氓和法盲之中的法务，没想到毛豆的裤衩可以当船帆了！|【脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季】 #脱口秀和Ta的朋友们第二季 #Stand-up Comedy2
Hello everyone, my name is Sun Xi. I am a corporate legal officer , the kind of legal officer that talk shows urgently need. In fact, I have been working for more than ten years and have never felt any sense of accomplishment because my years of work experience have taught me a very important truth , that is, the law is solemn and inviolable, but legal affairs can be … The most devastating job I have ever done was collecting debts in a company that went bankrupt. At that time, we suddenly had more than 200 risk lawsuits and billions of payments had not been recovered. The leader threw a stack of judgments at me and asked me to collect the debts. I couldn’t accept this work arrangement at the time , so I blocked the leader for three days and wanted to ask him for an explanation . Then the leader said, “Xiao Sun , look at your mental state, how suitable it is for debt collection?” Then I was exiled to the newly established debt collection department, which is roughly equivalent to the Ningguta of our company. The leader has his own unique understanding of team building, so in our department, there are those who are not favored, those who have made mistakes, those who are big, those who are ugly, and those who are very … Don’t be a man of integrity but have a bad brain. Then there was a big brother who didn’t need to come to our company, but he got drunk and said that he had learned Taekwondo when he was a child, so he was directly parachuted into our company as a team leader. Then when I was at work, I often felt dazed as if I was working in the crew of a gangster movie. At that time, I was still a little noble because I was the only one in the team who graduated from a 211 university with a master’s degree in law. But you know, when I stood with them, there was no sense of incongruity. Sometimes when I looked at my face in the mirror, I wanted to say, Sun Xi, have you integrated into society too quickly? You are too social. Then you also understand that although we look rough , we are actually the vulnerable group in the company. I remember that when we collected debts for the first time, we were very nervous and wanted to ask two security guards to accompany us. We were directly rejected because our company also owed money to others. The security guards had to stay to protect the leaders. Then debt collection is really too difficult, especially legal debt collection. Think about it. How can legal affairs collect debts? We have learned so many legal restrictions in our heads that we are very conservative in our actions. You know, every time I collect debts, I mainly use persuasion and inspiration, and even plead when necessary. Before I did this, I always thought that the debt collectors were grandchildren. This sentence was just a joke until I met more than 200 grandparents. They are really amazing . Everyone has more than one grandchild. So every time we collect debts, we gather around the grandfather like the Calabash Brothers. Each kid has some magical powers , but no one can get the money back from the grandfather. Of course, we are not so cowardly every time. I have also had some highlights in my career. One time, our company had to go to another place to collect debts, so they rented a tall truck for us and drove us to the suburbs. We were standing on the truck. That was It was my first time riding in a convertible. I was carrying legal documents as my legal weapons, and other people were standing behind me with other weapons they could find. At that moment, I was so immersed in the role that I forgot that I was a legal officer. I felt very motivated and must do something big today. Then we were monitored by the police and they said that there was a suspected gangster group gathering in the suburbs. I was quite young at that time and I was a perfectionist , so when the police classified me as a suspected gangster, I was very ashamed. I asked why we were just suspected gangsters? Where did we reveal our flaws ? This statement denied our abilities too much. It sounded like we were cosplaying gangsters. Then the police were very worried that we would use violence to collect debts. I said, you don’t have to worry about this. We are just gangsters , not ignorant of the law . You may not believe it when I say it , but I am actually a legal officer. After hearing this, I was even more surprised. What kind of gang also has legal affairs? Later, the police asked us to register our personal identity information . Then when I was filling in my occupation, I hesitated. I didn’t know what to fill in between gangster and legal affairs . I never thought that gangster would become one of my career options. At that moment, I was overwhelmed with sadness and remembered the many teachings of my teacher . Didn’t they say that as long as I study hard , I don’t have to do this? Then that day we set out in the morning and didn’t go home until 3 a.m., and I had to go to work the next day. At that moment, I was very angry because I realized that it was harder for us to pretend to be gangsters than to be real gangsters . Real gangsters only need to come out at night. Have you seen gangsters who come out at eight in the morning? Then I worked in that company for a year and a half and almost never got any money. Occasionally, I accidentally got money , and there would be unexpected troubles. There was one time when a debtor was particularly cooperative and took the initiative to ask for the company’s monthly We were all paid back for the money we earned, and I was very touched. Then I received 500. Are you waiting for that 10,000 like me? There is no 500. He owes us more than 100 million and only pays us 500. I feel that this 500 is not used to pay off the debt, but the New Year’s money my grandfather gave me . Then according to the company’s regulations , every repayment must be accurately recorded in the debt registration form issued by the head office . But because it was my first time filling out that form, I didn’t know it was in units of 10,000 yuan and only integers were taken . So when I entered the 500, it became 0 as soon as I pressed Enter, and it really became 0. You know, in my life , this is the first time I feel that decimal points are so cruel. I feel that the 500 was forced to jump into the river and commit suicide without even a splash, and even a corpse could not be found. It was trapped in the algorithm. I was really panicked at the time. I said, how on earth should I explain to my leader ? I said, leader , don’t look at it as a 0 Actually, it is 500. This 0 can be spent. It is called pocket money . What will the boss think of me? Xiao Sun is really good. They have started virtual currency. Then later, I really had no choice but to fill in the 500 in the remarks column. Then every midnight when I wake up, I always see the 500 and ask me why the 500 cannot be used in the calculation. Why is my work so meaningless? I feel that all my efforts are like the 500. Once I enter the car, it disappears. Finally, I was seriously depressed. Later, I asked myself, Sun Xi, how good it would be if I had known that you spent the 500? Wouldn’t you have to report it ? Although the company will They sued me for a duty crime, but 500 yuan was not even enough to meet the standard for conviction. Although the company would keep asking me for the debt , given the workload of our department, it would take decades before they would ask me for it. I could imagine that decades later, a young man like me would find me and say, ” Grandma , it’s time for you to pay me back . ” We were all very curious as to why I only took 500 yuan. Then I told him very proudly that my biggest wish was for someone to see the 500 yuan. Then I returned the 500 yuan to him, and he took out his computer and registered the 500 yuan back into the debt registration form. A new pocket money was born, and I looked at him in astonishment. I leaned over and said, why don’t you spend it too, just think of it as the lucky money your grandma gave you. So far, thank you all. Sun Xi’s ticket lock countdown. Another round of applause to Sun Xi. Sun Xi, why did you choose yourself as the spear when you were grouped ? Because I learned talk show relatively late , and I felt that there were many things I wanted to express and fight back against, things that I had endured for many years. This happened to me 10 years ago . I remember when I watched a movie before, it said that there was no need to endure it anymore, so I wanted to use talk show as my spear and talk about these tragic things. I really like it. I think she told a story that was like black humor. The movie reminded me of Ning Hao’s work Crazy Stone, so when she talked about some early eight gangsters, I had a special sense of the picture. I thought it was very playful and humorous. There was another point about her that I also thought was very funny, but I don’t know if it’s okay to ask this question. What I actually wanted to ask was Teacher Luo, because she was paying back the money, right? When she talked about a group of gourd brothers, I wondered if Teacher Luo had some experience with the gourd brothers. Teacher Luo was the grandfather who was surrounded, right? At most, there were more than 100 lawsuits going on, so we had more than 100 gourds , but as people with conscience, we shouldn’t do business, so we are definitely not the grandfather. I think more than 100 of them are gourd grandfathers, and we feel very guilty, but when it comes to the actual operation, sometimes we have to use tricks . For example, when he came to sue, we had someone to pay first and someone to pay later, but after the lawsuit is over, you may not be able to control the rhythm, but our confidence is that we have paid back everything, right, but the purpose is not to deny it, but to pay back this family first, so we deliberately dragged it out, and at that time they also thought we were quite gangsters, but in fact there was no such thing, so we had a lot of gourds, all of them were gourd grandfathers, and then I We kept apologizing to others, so I didn’t have the honor of experiencing the situation you described. But I guess you didn’t have the honor of seeing our situation either. Yes, I was particularly moved when I listened to your “True Return” later. In fact, when I was collecting debts, the Hammer phone happened to be on the market, and I bought one. At that time, I felt that I needed a Hammer phone. Then I bought T1 (phone model), T2 (phone model), and M1 (phone model) for my mother . So I was sad that you didn’t clap for me, but you should have said it earlier. But you have already succeeded in making me feel particularly guilty. So this is something that only people who have suffered losses can say, yes , no Get up, Sun Xi. There are two lights off on the field because of the Laughter Group , so you should accept the challenge. Let’s see which friend will steal the microphone from Sun Xi. There are two of them. So Sun Xi , I am really familiar with my second brother. I study in Dalian , and he also works in Dalian, so it’s my second brother. Okay , thank you, second brother. Second brother is here. Okay, come on , second brother. Come on, second brother , good evening, everyone. I am my second brother. My main job is a firefighter. Thank you, everyone. Audience on the second floor, please pay attention to safety. When I received the call from the director asking me to come up to record the show, I was very excited. You know, this is my first time recording a show. This is the most intuitive thing for me. The feeling is that the program is very formal. Whether it is the setting of the escape route or the number of fire extinguishers , they are all very reasonable. You know, I have always been a part-time firefighter , not a part-time talk show host. Everyone got goose bumps when they heard it. Many people suggested that I do it full-time , saying that my main job is very dangerous. In fact, I feel that talk shows are not much safer because the treatment for our main job is very good. We are uniformly equipped with underwear, panties and socks. The environment of the camp is also very elegant. Every time I finish dinner , I will come to our balcony on the 3rd floor. The sunset will make me fall into deep thought. I was wondering which underwear is mine . I asked Maodou. As a former marine, have you ever had such troubles? He said, “My shorts can be used as a sail. ” Maodou and I are both from Dalian. In fact, Maodou and I are both from Dalian. In the beginning, my father also wanted me to join the marines. I didn’t want to be a soldier at that time because I was afraid of hardship. I wanted to burn myself with cigarette butts to threaten my father. You know, my father was very upset after seeing it . “Why bother? Dad doesn’t understand you . You are not afraid of being burned . Why don’t you go to the fire department? ” You know, when I came to the fire department, I had to mention my good comrade , the monk. Why do I call him the monk ? It sounds better than the bald man. The monk is a very miserable person. You know, we firefighters have a low tolerance for mistakes. You make a little mistake and it’s easy to get hurt. Dangerous. The monk got athlete’s foot because he wore someone else’s training shoes by mistake . I handed him a tube of athlete’s foot cream. He said that good brothers should share happiness. He didn’t even think about how I got athlete’s foot cream. You can applaud. You know we have strict management. We turn off the lights and don’t allow people to play with mobile phones. One day, after the lights were turned off, the monk’s mobile phone suddenly vibrated. My captain came in to check the dormitory. He was about to answer it, but this kid was smart and touched his chin. My captain laughed and said, “You take me for a fool.” The monk also laughed. Maybe the captain was right. The mobile phone was confiscated. The monk was unhappy and came to me and said, “Second brother, you are not particular. Why don’t you notify me when the captain comes?” I said, “I am not particular. I didn’t call.” Did I inform you? You know, the monk is the happy fruit of my team. He brings us a lot of happiness . Sometimes he even brings us happiness during our work. I remember one night a large factory building caught fire. After the fire was put out, we attacked with two guns to put out some residual fire. The monk and I shared a gun. I brought him water. We attacked forward like this. At this time, the monk might have been nervous. His hat suddenly fell off. Then he went up with his big bald head to pick it up. You know, firefighters are very sensitive to light in a fire scene. The water gunner on the opposite side was very experienced and knocked the monk to the ground with one shot. The monk is a real man. Where is it? He fell down and stood up again. He even went to pick up something. This action completely angered the gunman on the opposite side and obviously added some pressure. The monk stood up with both feet off the ground and cursed him, “Are you done yet? You are all our own people. Do you know the speed of light propagation in the air ? You are all our own people lying on the ground and talking. At this time, the water gunman on the opposite side took the radio and shouted to me , “Old Second, can you do it? There is a fire over there. Can you put it out? ” I said, “This is the Buddha’s light . Wait for him to put on his hat and it will be put out.” We worked until dawn that day. When we walked out of the factory, the shooter behind me and the water gunman behind me were shouting at me. The shooter behind me said, “Sorry, Old Second, you see he is using a water gun on us two.” I made a rainbow. I said, “How romantic! Are you done yet? ” You know I have been a firefighter for many years. My family often asks me, ” You have been a firefighter for so many years. Tell us what is the most dangerous and frightening thing you have ever encountered ?” I usually tell them all. I remember it clearly. It was the night of the fifteenth day of the seventh lunar month, which was the Ghost Festival. We received a call saying that an old man was lost while visiting a grave. After receiving this call, we quickly came to the foot of the mountain where the old man was lost. Our captain is extraordinary. He has formulated a very detailed and thorough plan. He speaks with great vigor and courage. Comrades, listen to my instructions. Divide the troops into three routes. There are two routes and the personnel are divided into two routes. Monk, second brother, you two are in the middle route . There is no route in the middle route at all. The middle route is difficult to push. The monk is in front and I am behind. We are so tired from wading through mountains and rivers . Suddenly, a grave appears and the monk starts dancing. What is going on? I thought I met a wizard, but as a firefighter, I must remain calm. I didn’t dare to move at that time. It was as if I was controlled. Second brother, come and help me quickly. The big spider got on me. I said, you are not a monk, you are a pure demon monk. You know, when it comes to firefighting, I always think that defense is more important than extinguishing. Now there are many people who have no awareness of defense and no awareness of escape. It should be said that there are many now. Young people are sometimes addicted to the Internet and like to play games. At the beginning , they sometimes feel that the fire is not very big. They see that it is okay. I will finish this ranking game and then leave. If you walk slowly, you will only have the tablet. I remember once I gave a speech in a community. I said that smoke prevention is very important when escaping . For us adults, it is very dangerous if you take three or four puffs . An old man stood up and said , “I have been smoking for thirty or forty years. I am still short of your three or four puffs. ” I said, “Uncle, you have to believe in firefighters.” The old man became excited when he heard it . I don’t believe in firefighters the most. Once I went to a grave and I got lost. The firefighters didn’t find me. Later, I came back by myself. When I came back, I gave it to me. After I was scared, I saw a monk performing a ritual on the grave. Thank you all, everyone, please come and vote for the second brother’s performance. Let’s give another round of applause to the second brother. Second brother, I really want to know what has happened since the end of the first round of the competition, because it is the same theme of firefighters twice. I liked it very much last time, but I remember that I didn’t take a picture of the lights, right? I didn’t take a picture of it . I remember him . I hope that saying these can make you feel better. I didn’t sleep very well when I went back. Thank you . And today your whole performance was very wonderful. I took the picture without any psychological burden and was very happy. Also, we usually say that talk show actors I’m talking about whether the punchline was crisp or not. He is crisp even without any punchline. He is crisp from the beginning to the end . I like his temperament so much. Thank you, teacher, you are so cute. I want to ask about the crispest one. The first one in the audience burst out laughing. The crispest point was a slip of the tongue , not designed, right? You know I have been a part-time firefighter, not a part-time talk show host . Shanghai audiences are very tolerant of firefighters for slips of the tongue. Thank you very much. This is called eating screws . His fans are called snail noodles, and that’s great. I think he has the feeling of Errenzhuan. Because I haven’t seen this kind of thing for many years , it’s particularly familiar because he has a particularly funny point , which is to say something that feels very serious with a righteous attitude.
Suddenly he kicks you. It ‘s really funny that the thing can be reversed in an instant. I actually want to tell you the stories of our firefighters in a relaxed manner because many people nowadays may have seen some tragic videos when they mention us firefighters, thinking that our lives are like that. In fact, in our lives, the feelings between our comrades and our daily lives are also full of laughter and jokes. In fact, I came to the stage to let everyone see a real firefighter. Maybe many young people will also want to join our team. That’s it. I think he used a very risky move, which is to go find the old man in the middle and then listen. I was wondering where the uncle is. Actually, I was distracted for a while while waiting for the uncle , but he came back soon. The uncle is back. Yes, the uncle is back . Where did the uncle go? I think the second brother’s performance this time is much more amazing than the last time. This time is great. There is indeed a very, very big change. Last time, everyone learned about the surrounding aspects of this profession , and this time, we began to understand the joy of being a firefighter and the life between their comrades. Yes, yes, you and Maodou are in a club, right? Maodou , how did the second brother perform today? The second brother’s draft is really very, very difficult. The second brother is still working in the fire department now, and the fire department has a mission recently. He squeezed out a very short time to finish this manuscript. Today is considered to be very good. Thank you for the encouragement of our club teammates. As a professional, especially having to work, and being a firefighter , this is a very special profession. So under great pressure, such a wonderful text was produced, and then there was such a wonderful live stage performance. Let’s give applause to the second brother again. At the same time, we also invited Sun Xi to return to the stage. After the performances of the second brother and Sun Xi, let ‘s take a look at the number of votes of support they received . Please see that the second brother scored so high. It’s
amazing . The second brother got a very, very high 274 votes. Shield won applause again. Congratulations to the second brother for entering the next round. Sun Xi will continue to wait for the following results in the waiting area.