锐锐谈妈妈的升职记 满是爱意，侯智元揭露资本谈牛马的生活！丨《脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季》 STAND-UP COMEDY2
The first person to come on stage was here last year. He is a 90s guy who looks very old. This is his second time on the stage of “Talk Show and His Friends”. Please welcome Ruirui with applause. Hello, I am Ruirui. Thank you. You know, I was so nervous when I was waiting in the back that my heart almost jumped out. How should I handle this scene? I understand everyone’s feelings. I just saw a chef who got drunk and fought with a load-bearing wall. Then I saw an ordinary human being, but he was normal. Let’s chat with you for a while. I just mentioned that I was on this show last year, but not many people knew me. I want to ask how many people upstairs and downstairs know me today. Do you know me? (Know me) (They all know me) People from all over the country are gathered together. Thank you all so much today . But now it is indeed a bit awkward when I am outside. After the show, not many people know me. But the demon in my heart has been planted. Now when I walk on the street, if anyone looks at me for a second, my mental state is like that of a fugitive. Did he recognize me? Some time ago, I was walking on the street and I vaguely saw that the person next to me was looking at me. So I put on this smile that I had practiced for a long time in advance , and I turned to look at him. He looked at me again , and I looked at him again . He really came over and asked me , “Do you know me? ” It was quite awkward for two ordinary men. I felt a bit uncomfortable when I was eliminated last year , so I called my mother. My mother is a cleaner in Beijing. In my heart, she is very powerful. No matter what happens, she can give me the greatest comfort. I called and said, “Mom , I was eliminated. ” My mother said, “Son , God is fair. Although you have failed in the workplace , I am proud of my career. Mom became a supervisor and eliminated all those competitors . Competition, that thing, fair elimination, means lack of ability.” I said, “Wrong number, wrong number .” My mother was not like this before. Her temperament has changed since she became a supervisor. Because I am a full-time talk show host, I have never I’ve experienced that kind of workplace culture in a company, but I didn’t feel it deeply. My mother taught me everything. Let me give you a real example. Our family has a group called “loving family”. My mother sent a group announcement to the group. She required our whole family to greet each other in the group every morning. Have you ever seen a family with such a strong work atmosphere? She has really changed a lot. This year during the Spring Festival, my mother went back to her hometown and brought back a lot of New Year’s goods, some bureaucracy, some cohesion, etc. Anyway, she brought them all back. It was really because I discovered it when we were having the New Year’s Eve dinner. I found that my mother had learned to fight for official positions. In the past, my mother would say “I wish our family health, happiness and prosperity” during the New Year’s Eve dinner . This year, when she picked up the wine glass, she said, “Close the door and we are a family. ” Now when I chat with her, I dare not easily use the phrase ” get straight to the point” as soon as the door is opened . The family is gone. There was one time when we were working. I was mopping the floor at home, and my sister was washing dishes and my father was cleaning the yard . My mother walked around with her hands behind her back . She would use a declarative sentence and a question sentence to point fingers at your work. She came to me and said, “This is not okay .” She went to my sister and said, ” Is that okay? ” I said, “We are all working.” I said, “You should do something too.” I said, “No, put the washed towels on the drying rack. ” She said, Which shelf should I put it on? I said, “Put it on your leader’s shelf.” A while ago , my mother called me at work and asked me, “Son, can you order takeout? ” I said, “I’m good at it. ” She said, “Then I’ll give you an address. Order me a cup of milk tea and deliver it at 2 pm . ” I said, “You don’t drink this stuff.” She said, “I ordered it for the leader.” Mom, do you still want to climb up? I said, “I’ll support you wherever you go.” I didn’t expect that you were so young and you were trying to get into politics. And isn’t it a bit hasty for you to climb up by delivering milk tea ? You use this to test the cadres. I told the director of Tencent that I didn’t want to be eliminated in the first round this year. I want to be a leader . You took so much trouble. The matcha shake milkshake is already in your trunk, but she wanted it, so I ordered it for her. Then she sent me a message in the afternoon saying don’t order it yet. She said the leader went out and wouldn’t be back until four or five. I asked her , “Mom , should I order at four-thirty or wait for your message? ” She said okay. I feel like people are born to be leaders. Haven’t they already climbed up? My mom, I went to Beijing for a performance some time ago. I went to see her specially. Then I took her out for dinner because everyone heard me complaining all the time. I felt sorry for my mom because cleaning is very tiring. Her usual job is to clean the third and fourth floors. She cleaned the whole place, and then when we were having dinner, I asked her how she was doing recently. She said her career was on the rise and she had to climb up. I asked her why she wanted to work on the fifth floor, too. I said you are now a talk show star, Ruirui’s mother. I said you don’t have to be so tired. She said she wasn’t tired. She was very happy. It’s just that my mother rarely uses the word happy to describe her mood. She used to associate it with health and getting rich. When she used this word, I felt that she was really happy. That sentence woke me up. I used to see her from the perspective of a son, but now I feel that she has found the way she likes at this age. From that day on, I really started to support her. I can remember that when my mother supported me in doing talk shows, she didn’t even know what talk shows were , so I felt that I should support her . I started to listen to her talk about a lot of things at work. I rarely listened to her before. But that day, I heard her talk a lot and she would complain. My mother now manages three workplace elders born in the 1960s. One is disobedient, one doesn’t understand what people say, and the other can’t hear people talk . Although she complains , I can see that her face is full of joy. At that time, I knew that being a supervisor is much happier than being a mother. Then, when we were eating, there was a small detail that touched me and reminded me of some things . Because we ordered a lot of delicious food, my mother reached out her chopsticks to pick up the fish head first. Because when I was a child, the conditions in the countryside were really bad. My mother only ate the fish head when she ate fish, just like what was written in the books . At that time, I felt that nothing had changed. She was still the mother who loved me. I said, “Mom, now our conditions are better, you don’t have to eat the fish head.” She said, “The fish head should be directed at me.” I am the son of Supervisor Chen. Ruirui. Thank you all for coming to Ruirui. The countdown to lock in tickets is applause for Ruirui. Thank you, thank you everyone, thank you Ruirui. You know, last year, Teacher Zhang and I felt very sorry. You just felt that because the driver you talked about last year, every one of those jokes was very interesting and I thought about it a lot. And today I especially hope that you can keep going. Thank you , Teacher Zhang . I like you so much . I really like you . How did you think of this joke and talk about this content on this stage ? Because this is also a new one I wrote recently. To be honest , I am a little emotional . My mother was not like that before. Now that she has become a supervisor , you can see the records in my mobile phone. She really requires us to say good morning every morning. I was stunned for a moment. I think our family shouldn’t be like this. I can understand this because I and My mother has recorded a program. After she finished recording the program with me, she had cosmetic surgery every day. She was so beautiful that she never slept well in her life. Then last year, my father was hospitalized. When my mother entered the room, the patient in the same room said, ” Your daughter is here, which made my father very angry.” But I know that when my mother has such things, she sometimes has some psychological changes. But I think it is a feeling of being happy. Isn’t it that she is very happy in her heart
, very happy for her, and you just go along with her happiness? From the perspective of today’s work, it is actually very cleverly written , and it has been thought about,
so it is not a rough work. I was very happy to listen to it and was very happy throughout the whole process . Then I habitually glanced at it when I was shooting the lights. I think three lights are more fair , so I didn’t shoot the overall situation. Although I mainly complain , I don’t want everyone to think that this old lady is like this after listening. I don’t want this. I just describe some phenomena. Another thing is that I have always said that I am really afraid of affecting her current job, so I have made a lot of adjustments. I think everyone will think your mother is very cute after listening to it. Thank you. I think it is funny and cute . It is a very vivid image of the mother of such a supervisor . I think this part of his Ruirui spoke very well in this section, because especially his mother does this job, these women are rarely seen in normal times. I didn’t think he was complaining about his mother. He was praising his mother in another way and expressing that kind of maternal love. Then I would think whether your mother would like to try to do talk show, which can completely tell the story of a career woman’s promotion path. Taking the career route, because of the way his mother speaks, I think it should be very interesting. His mother can definitely speak for at least five minutes. His mother can definitely speak for at least five minutes. Thank you, teacher. Thank you again for Ruirui’s performance. Take a short break. Thank you. The friend who is about to compete with Ruirui is very young and has a strong sense of being a rookie. He is not only a cow and horse, but also a mobile cow and horse. Let’s welcome Hou Zhiyuan with applause. Hello, friends , my name is Hou Zhiyuan. Thank you , thank you everyone. It’s quite difficult to find a job now. I am very lucky that I joined a large company as an outsourcing company after graduation . The cows and horses in the company can assign me work and want to come over and step on me. I feel like the horseshoe under the feet of cows and horses. Cows and horses will be tired without horses. If they are talents, I belong to consumables. In fact, I was eliminated in the first round of interviews. They said that my academic qualifications were not good enough. But after the interview, the leader Yang came to me and said I’ll fight for an opportunity for you. Do you want it? I said yes . I didn’t dare to hesitate because I know that there are not many good horse trainers , but there are more than 10 million good horses who graduated in the same year as me. Mr. Yang persuaded me to be an outsourcer. I asked if outsourcing would affect my treatment or something. He said, “Just take care of me.” He is still a domineering Bole. I like it, but opportunities are always accompanied by challenges. On the day I started working, Mr. Yang told me that the outsourcing quota would not be approved until three months later and I couldn’t start working. So strictly speaking, in the first three months of my work, Mr. Yang actually took care of me in his personal capacity. He was like the Seven (Seven) yesterday. Seven (Seven) was very similar to me. At that moment, I understood his sincerity. He said, “Just take care of me.” He actually meant it literally. So I was the kind of reserve outsourcer who didn’t sign a contract. There were many inconveniences for me to enter the company with my identity. First of all, it was inconvenient to enter the company because I didn’t have a work card. The company wouldn’t let me in at the main gate. Every morning, I had to apply for a temporary visitor pass from the security guard. I had to come to visit at 8:30 every morning for three whole months . How could I be a temporary visitor? I was a punctual visitor . When applying for a visitor pass, I had to fill out a form and write the person I was visiting. I could only write Mr. Yang. I came every day for three whole months . When Mr. Yang visited, it was a day. The security team started to spread rumors. It ‘s true that I have a special relationship with Mr. Yang. There is a de facto superior-subordinate relationship between us , but there is no contract. Mr. Yang is my recognized leader. I come to him every day to steal classes. My outsourced position is a designer. Friends, you know that the most important weapon of a designer is a computer , but Mr. Yang did not provide me with a computer. He even had the audacity to come to me and ask, ” Xiao Hou, why didn’t you bring your computer? ” I said, “What do you mean? Do you have to bring your own mill now ? ” I replied perfunctorily, ” I don’t have a computer .” Mr. Yang said very straightforwardly , “Okay , I’ll lend you money to buy it. ” I was stunned. You are very generous . It is unexpected that a person can spend money like water but be stingy at the same time. Is this how spending money like water works? Which boss would The bar announced that he would lend you money to buy all the drinks tonight. He was really good at it and didn’t want to spend money. He installed a key cost-effectiveness. His tone was too domineering. He seemed to pull me into the script of that kind of cool novel , that is, the domineering president outsourced me and lent me money to buy a computer despite the opposition of the whole world. The production tools of the company he opened were bought by the employees. The employees were outsourced. A capitalist did not control any means of production. Mr. Yang was a proletarian capitalist. No wonder he liked to recruit outsourcing. If employees are cattle and horses, I think outsourced employees are the kind of cattle and horses with lower costs and stronger mobility. They can also be called wooden cattle and flowing horses. I think there is no computer. Then let’s eat first. I don’t have a meal card, and the company cafeteria can only use meal cards. I can’t borrow from colleagues because each meal card can only be swiped once at noon. I can’t go out to eat because only one temporary visitor pass can be issued per day. I said, ” Oh no, I’ve been tricked . The food and grass have been cut off. It’s very serious . Ruirui is in danger. What should I do? I feel that Mr. Yang made this rule to starve the visitors to death. Leave their computers and lend money to the next person to buy them back. The key is that I don’t have a computer, no weapons , no food reserves, and the outsourced soldiers are out of food . I’m so hungry that I run back and forth in the cafeteria . I can see corporate culture slogans posted everywhere on the wall. I’m so hungry that I understand our company. Cultured people can be summed up in two words: cannibalism . I can tolerate all of this. My biggest problem is still the financial problem. Because when we were discussing salary, Mr. Yang told me that the annual total package was 100,000 . I had never heard of this concept. I asked what department the annual total package was from and why he was so generous. I think it is a hooligan to talk about annual total packages with fresh graduates because this includes all kinds of bonuses, subsidies and so on. It is the most money you can get. I also want to see how much money can be deposited into the salary card at the end of the month. At the end of the month, I found that there was no salary card because I hadn’t even joined the company. I directly entrusted it to Mr. Yang. The annual total package was 100,000 . Mr. Yang only gave a penny. I realized that I had no money and no salary card. At that time, I was really devastated. My friend , I went straight to Mr. Yang’s office to question him. I said, “If you do this to me, I can’t pay back the money for your computer. ” Mr. Yang asked me to apply for an external expert consulting fee from the company to offset my salary . The price of my expert is 100 yuan a day. It’s better than nothing . The key is that I was promoted from an outsourced employee to an outsourced expert right after graduation. It’s great that Mr. Yang fought for me to get this opportunity. I got both fame and fortune , but the money was really not enough. After working for a year, my parents really couldn’t afford me. He asked me why my work cost more money than school, and then I resigned. Of course, this year was not without gain. I had a girlfriend in the company. When I had no food at noon, only she was willing to share the bread she brought with me. At that moment, I guessed that she must not have a meal card. Who would bring bread to work? While eating and chatting , she was indeed an outsourced expert. We set up the expert joint project team, and the main research direction was to stay alive . In just one year, we both gained 5 kilograms each due to excessive use of bread, which was 10 kilograms for the annual total package and the computer money was paid back later. This is our research result, friends, there are always more solutions than difficulties. There will be bread. We will bring our own computers. Yes, I can borrow money to buy everything. But it’s better not to have external experts like me . That’s all. Thank you, everyone. It’s great. Let ‘s countdown to Hou Zhiyuan’s ticket lock. Let’s applaud Hou Zhiyuan again. Thank you . When Hou Zhiyuan came out and said a few words, I told Teacher Shaogang that this and Teacher Seven are two different people. Do you feel like Seven? Many people say so. Why don’t you two work together? Mr. Yang said that you come today and he comes tomorrow, and both of you look the same. We are from the same hometown, both from Shenyang. Seven and Zhiyuan look alike, but in fact they are not. I am really tired at work during the day. Let’s tell jokes to change the mood . I am really tired. Yes, it ‘s true. Your speech is a bit like yours at that time, pretending to be cost-effective. A new expression. Words can be used in this way. Spend money like water and at the same time be stingy. These descriptions are special. I think this brain is accurate. It’s great. I hope to see more of your performances in the future . It’s great. Thank you, teacher. You should have just graduated not long ago , so you should be very young. It’s been a while. Yes, it’s been six or seven years. But because your stage presence is very steady, I always feel that he should be a very young person, but his stage presence is so steady that I feel he is very mature , so that feeling is very wonderful Then it was actually very spicy, so spicy that I really want to ask Mr. Luo, who is in charge of a business , how would you feel when you hear such a joke? The clapping of the lights says it all, because they always assume that those of us who run businesses don’t like to hear those who curse the boss and the workplace. I do dislike to hear some of them. Is it because it is not well told? It ’s all about the work itself. So you also know that on this talk show stage, young people cursing the workplace and cursing the boss is a topic that has been talked about too much, so when he first started talking about that, I said, here it comes again. Then when he talked about the second and third jokes, I began to stand in awe, and then I found that this topic, which has been talked about hundreds of times, can still be repeatedly doubled and told in new ways, so I admire him very much. Thank you, thank you teachers, Xiao Hou, in this way, when you go to work with your girlfriend in the company in the future, you don’t have to bring anything. If you want something , you can open Meituan at any time to buy bread, and there will be a computer. In 30 minutes, everything will be there , okay? Okay , let Ruirui return to Taichung as well. Ruirui , let’s take a look at the votes for Ruirui and Hou Zhiyuan. Hou Zhiyuan has 268 votes. Congratulations to Hou Zhiyuan for entering the promotion zone. Ruirui has 219 votes. She still needs to wait in the pending zone.