‘文明的尽头是文明’，大张伟讲述自己上厕所遇到粉丝要签名！丨《脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季》 STAND-UP COMEDY2
Hello everyone,
I’m Shanhe. How are you? (Okay). I miss you guys so much. I miss you guys. Thank you guys. Actually , it’s been more than half a year since we finished recording the show last year. I feel like I haven’t been able to write a joke for more than half a year because talk show jokes usually require a negative emotion . I don’t have any negative emotions now . Because my grades were too good last year . Do you remember I was seventh ? (Remember) What does that mean? Eighth place He Guangzhi and sixth place Xu Zhisheng. The woman who interfered in “Hiroshima Love” is no longer Shanhe but Chuhe. And now she has fans. I didn’t expect that before. I thought fans just liked the actor and liked me . Friends who are not Fans don’t like me. support me are so domineering. They send me private messages every day saying Shanhe. I will never allow anyone to disobey you now . I will not allow anyone to scold you , educate you, or belittle you. I said that Is there finally someone to take care of my parents? friends who are familiar with me know that I often complain. My parents also talked about it on the show last year. My dad used repressive education and always thought that I was not good enough. It’s equivalent to my black fans. Really, before I recorded the show, I My dad has never supported me. was a full-time talk show host. As long as there was any movement in our industry, my dad would send me a screenshot of the hot search and said nothing. Later, I sent him the video of me entering the finals, and I didn’t say a word either, but I know we both want to say the same thing . The haters said that last year… Actually, my grades were good, and then I was honored to receive invitations from many clubs to perform all over the country. I think it’s really good to perform outside. It broadens my horizons . I found that public toilets in many big cities are becoming more and more different. There seem to be more and more sit- down toilets , but to be honest , there are too few clean sit-down toilets. Sometimes it ‘s really hard to get down when you encounter a dirty sit-down toilet , especially in some cafes, bars , and restaurant private rooms. Men and women share a bathroom and only have one toilet. The moment Just like the big brother in front, I walked in and opened the door, I had the same thought as when I opened my math book in high school. I don’t want to use it. It’s too dirty . I wondered why there were splashes everywhere on the toilet. How did it get splashed ? But the Internet seems to be trying to eliminate our anxiety , saying that toilets in public toilets that are disinfected regularly are cleaner than toilets at home and cleaner than squat toilets. I believe it , but I dare not bet. What if it is not disinfected regularly but on a regular basis? And no one will squat on the toilet at home to go to the toilet, right? Some people outside will use the sit-down toilet as a squat toilet. Wouldn’t the sit-down toilet be even dirtier? I think squat toilets are cleaner, unless you use the squat toilet as a sit-down toilet. I really asked many friends around me, and I said, what would you do if you encounter this situation? They said they wouldn’t sit on them either. There is a fixed posture for horse stance . It is convenient. I dare not sit down. It is not convenient to sit down. But my family members, it is too difficult for me to do horse stance. I am fat and short. When I do horse stance , my buttocks are tangent to the toilet. I have no choice but to squat slightly . I don’t have a hard buttocks. What should I do? I will hold the door handle to use the force to look from the side. I thought I was going to dive. I also have to pay attention to the pressure. Water splashes easily. Sometimes I really can’t hold it. I lowered my head and saw something on the door. If you encounter an emergency, please contact me as soon as possible. I really want to contact them. What did I say on the phone? I said, “Quick, someone come to hold it up. My armpits can’t hold it up. Hurry up. Some toilets are slightly more advanced. ” It’s a little more humane. It will prepare that kind of disposable toilet paper. You’ve all used that, right? I’m not ashamed of that thin paper. I still don’t know how to use that paper. Should the frosted side face up or the smooth side face up? Which side faces inward and which side faces outward? Should the middle piece be torn first or rely on gravity or something? Sometimes you just laid it out and turned around and it fell down. It just fell out when it was laid out and the automatic flushing sucked it in. I took off my pants and turned around in the toilet. Zhang Yuanying turned around three times and finally sat down. The paper stuck to me and was too sticky. But in most cases, it doesn’t have that kind of disposable seat paper. I can only tear it. There are a lot of toilet paper on the toilet , what a waste. I didn’t expect to say I am an artist. sorry for taking up public resources in the toilet. I encountered a toilet that day. Although it is very advanced , it is also quite strange. It is not called a toilet , but a smart toilet . There is a TV screen at the door , which monitors the temperature, humidity, air quality and everything in real time. There is no paper. There are 25 stalls. I went in and everyone was still queuing. Everyone was queuing for the two squat toilets. I was really anxious at the time. I opened a sitting toilet and it was dirty. I opened another one and it was still dirty. When I opened the fourth one, I felt a look from the queue. Stop it, gambler. You are walking the same way we came. When I went out, I saw that the air quality has dropped. Maybe it’s because I swore too much. In fact, I don’t want to create a squatting and sitting opposition. Some squatting toilets are also very inconvenient and unclean, but the squatting and sitting opposition on the Internet is quite serious. Some people say that people like us who are not used to sitting in public toilets can’t keep up with the development of the times. They say that foreign countries all have sitting toilets. The end of human civilization is sitting toilets. I think the end of human civilization should be civilization. Appeals are useless. They should be restrained and sanctioned. I have thought of a way. Don’t create smart toilets. It’s useless to detect those things. Spend money where it should be spent, such as on a smart toilet seat , which can automatically detect the number of bacteria on the toilet seat. The device is directly connected to the bathroom door lock. Anyone can enter and can leave only after it is clean. From now on, going to the bathroom will be like studying abroad, with easy entry and strict exit. Serious offenders will be directly linked to the credit report. Toilet defaulters are connected to the national network, and toilet defaulters can only go to dry toilets. Thank you everyone , I am Shanhe.
Thank you all for coming to vote for Shanhe. Thank you everyone , thank you everyone . Let’s listen to Teacher Luo first. I like Shanhe very much. I have a little regret this year. How should I put it? I feel that overall it was relatively flat in talking about these embarrassing and interesting things related to the public toilet, and then I felt that something was missing, so I felt a little regretful. Okay Then I will ask another off-topic question. If the public toilet has the difficulties you just mentioned, have you used the high-concentration alcohol wipes? Yes, I have used them . It seems that when I had this emotion for the first time, I posted a circle of friends, and many people said, “Then go buy that seat cushion paper or something.” I bought it later, but I really don’t like to carry a backpack when I go out. I think why should I spend money on this kind of thing ? It shouldn’t We were the ones who brought these things ourselves, we weren’t the ones who consumed them. Yes, it was amazing because I really like Shanhe Shanhe. Hello, see you again . Hello, I miss you so much. Hello, , and today we talked about I ‘m happy . As for the topic of the bathroom, I can relate to it too much. I was eating hotpot , and there were a bunch of people queuing up , and then I had a stomachache and was queuing up . Then the person next to me asked what kind of queue we were queuing up in. I said the cheerleading line was too shabby . It was such a coincidence that he must have seen me enter the bathroom, and then knocked on the door and said, “Da Zhangwei, right?” Then I said, “You, I said it’s not convenient now, please wait a moment .” He said, “Okay.” He just squatted at my door and waited for me , and then stuffed something from underneath for me to sign. Actually , I was a little disappointed at the beginning because she started talking about how I won the competition this year, and that my life had some changes. I actually wanted to hear about that change , but in the end I clapped. Why isn’t the competition about comparing whether you can see my acting skills at this moment and whether my rhythm on the spot is good enough? She is very capable, too strong. It’s just such a small thing, but she talked about it so interestingly. Actually, at first I felt like I wanted to listen but I didn’t dare to. It was indeed too vivid . The word “vivid” can It was vivid enough, and Shanhe’s own friendliness made everyone burst into laughter at a topic that originally didn’t sound so pleasant , so I clapped in the end. Okay, I emphasize again that the relevant management departments of public toilets should conduct research. Thank you Shanhe for bringing up this issue in the form of a talk show. Another round of applause to Shanhe. Thank you everyone. The next contestant is also familiar to everyone. Her jokes are particularly worth pondering. Her entire performance content is very tempting to savor . Applause, please welcome Wang Zihan. Hello, everyone. I am Wang Zihan. I have recorded a podcast before. As soon as the podcast was launched, I received a private message on Weibo from a viewer. He said, Zihan, don’t listen to the nonsense of those people in the comment section. This voice is really important to me. If he hadn’t said it, I wouldn’t have known that someone was scolding me in the comment section. But after he said it, I had to check it out. I saw that the comment section was so angry that I wanted to confront it myself. My friend advised me, “Forget it. If a dog bites you, can you bite the dog back? ” I don’t know if you have ever had this situation . One day you were surfing the Internet and discussing a movie with others. You expressed your own opinion, and the other party suddenly spit out asterisks. You were about to You talk back and your friend advises you to forget it. A dog bites you. Can you bite the dog back? You hold your breath. In order to think more positively, you can only persuade yourself that it doesn’t matter. Although the dog bit off a piece of my flesh , I also grew a new nodule . You see, the nodules I have grown these days are increasing. I can’t grow any more nodules. I want to be a dog. I told my psychologist about the idea of being a dog. He was shocked at first, and after listening for a while, he said , “You want to be this dog.” Then he began to analyze it for me. He said that what you call being a dog is actually to release your aggression to the outside world. You can start practicing in this consultation room because this room is completely safe. I am your psychologist. No matter what you do to me , I will fully accept you. So I didn’t pay you that time. Now that I have the ability to be a dog, I won’t use it often. My current state is that I am a human when I meet a human, and a dog when I meet a dog. I can only promise that I won’t be the first to be a dog. But if someone tells me that a dog bites you and you can’t bite a dog, I will ask him how do you know I’m not a dog. Two days ago, my counselor told me that I think it this case of you regaining your aggressiveness. is very meaningful. Can I share this matter with other visitors? I said of course I can. He said, don’t worry, I will keep your personal information confidential. I said, how can that be possible ? How can they know which talk show host has such a healthy mentality? In order to prevent my counselor from keeping it confidential for me, I decided to go on stage myself and tell this story to friends in need. Now everyone knows that my name is Wang Zihan , a Border Collie. Thank you everyone, Zihan, have you ever thought about that for the sake of stage effect, I need to do more in terms of performance or the choice of words and tone, because it is really a bit flat , a little bit . I happened to be a screenwriter this year , and I feel that my comedy skills are mainly used in screenwriting work. As for myself , because I prefer even foreign talk show hosts, their style is relatively flat or difficult to enter, so I will selfishly keep this aesthetic in my performance. Okay , let’s also invite Shanhe back to Taichung to see the votes of Shanhe and Wang Zihan. Shanhe Congratulations to Shanhe entered the promotion zone with 246, and Wang Zihan will enter the pending zone.