何广智的段子文本封神，大张伟疯狂拍灯 全场效果爆炸！丨 《脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季》 STAND-UP COMEDY2
The first group of PK players today are: Hello everyone, my name is He Guangzhi. Hello everyone, my name is Haha Cao . Hello everyone, my name is Haha Cao. My condition last year was that I was really injured. I was really injured. I failed. I chose this. I failed. Okay. Okay, you came up with such a low-key name. You failed, brother. You failed. You played this trick on me, right? How do the two teachers feel now? I feel a little relieved. But if it was you who chose, I can actually understand why. Because I know some of Guangzhi’s philosophy of life. Guangzhi’s philosophy of life is to pick on the weak. For me, the competition is about playing it safe. I understood it literally that I failed. This buddy should have failed to write this article. I said, “If you don’t write it, I will send you away.” I thought about playing the pig and eating the tiger. I thought that ordinary masters would not choose a label that looks so weak. But if it was Guangzhi, it would not be certain. I didn’t expect this result. This is the arrangement of fate . Since things have come to this point , the two of us brothers will give them a good show. It is a strong performance. There are strong noobs pecking at each other. There are two strong noobs pecking at each other. I will show you mature noobs. We are mature noobs pecking at each other . Applause. Welcome He Guangzhi (Jay Chou) . Thank you friends for being so enthusiastic. Hello everyone. Hello, friends on the second floor. Thank you (so handsome). So handsome, right? Thank you. Every year, I come to participate just for this. You know, there are really a lot of people this year . There should be those who should come . Those who shouldn’t have come are here. In this case , let’s have some fun. (Okay) The competition has begun again. Every year, the competition is exciting, but to be honest, this year, I’m a little tired. I’m almost 30, you know, I can’t get excited. Just now, I just felt that Wang Mian’s performance was noisy . Is that noise ? Is that talk show? Let’s do a serious talk show. Some friends should know that I had a cast on my left foot for a month last year. Let me explain why I sprained my ankle. I’m not talking about talk show. I was kicked by the opponent while playing football. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a football boy. I’m a pure novice. It’s not even what you understand as a sliding tackle . It’s him . He slipped and tackled me, and my anterior talofibular ligament was torn. Although I played amateurishly, I got hurt like a professional. I am embarrassed to talk about this injury. The doctor said it is an injury that only top athletes get. Others get this injury in the Champions League or NBA (National Basketball League). They defend Messi and James. I was defending Jia Hao and Fang Fang at the entrance of the community, but I failed to defend Fang Fang. He played really well that day . I scored three goals, had two assists, and one ligament. It’s the anterior talofibular ligament. I saw a lot of unfamiliar words on the report. I was scared and asked the doctor quickly. I said, “Doctor, what’s wrong with my anterior talofibular ligament?” Friends, if the report says Don’t rush to read unfamiliar characters when they appear, otherwise if you read them wrong, the doctor will think that even if this person is saved, he will not be of much help to society. It is not just that he is missing a tendon in his foot. It is true that you don’t notice that this ligament is broken when you are well. Only after you realize that you cannot live without it will you know its benefits and regret not cherishing it well. So I think this ligament should be called the anterior ligament. The way it is injured is also very similar. When you are asked how you were injured, the answer is that someone else interfered. Ligament damage is irreversible. You will basically say goodbye to strenuous exercise in this life , otherwise you will habitually sprain your ankle. If your walking posture is not correct, it may also cause cartilage wear and the ankle will basically be useless. Then surgery may also damage the nerves. Of course, I saw all this on social media. It is too scary to see a doctor there, so I wanted to see where the bone was injured with this symptom. After watching it on social media for 10 minutes , I felt that instead of looking at where the bone was injured, I should look at where the ashes were scattered. The pictures I searched for sprained ankles were all those with feet swollen like pig’s trotters, which was miserable but funny. I was not in the mood to laugh at that time until I saw a person with the same injury as mine, but the swelling was worse than mine. I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t laugh anymore because he said that it wasn’t swollen at the beginning, but it became swollen the next day. He planned to have surgery tomorrow , so during that time I went to that buddy’s homepage every day to take a look. Why didn’t he update it? Buddy, what happened to you after the surgery ? Why do n’t you tell me? After the surgery, can you walk or not? My feet can’t touch the ground at all . The next day, three friends accompanied me to the hospital for a check-up. Don’t envy them. The three of them laughed at me . The three talk show hosts went to record materials. They didn’t have any sympathy for my inability to walk. They just felt that the track of disability also brought you in. Their indifference reminded me of the story of Yu Hua taking Shi Tiesheng to play football. I found that many people on the Internet like this story very much and think it’s so cool to joke like this. Why? Because you are putting yourself in the shoes of Yu Hua. I Tiesheng said, ” I don’t particularly like Yu Hua. I just like to be alive. ” After saying this cultural meme , I felt more like Shi Tiesheng. They said, “Don’t pretend, you’re just a college student. ” The doctor said that there was no good way and the only way was to put on a plaster cast or buy inflatable boots. Inflatable boots would be more beautiful. Which one would you choose? At this time, my friend suddenly stood up and said Brother, I suggest you use a plaster cast. I asked why, and he said, “Brother, because I have never seen a plaster cast before.” I said, “You shouldn’t be so talkative, you must have used a lot of plaster casts.” I bought a new pair of crutches , and someone advised me to go to a second-hand platform to have a look, because theoretically there should be a lot of idle crutches. Later I went to take a look, and I was glad that I bought a new pair of crutches, because I found that many second-hand platforms require self-pickup in the same city for selling crutches. How can I pick up the crutches myself? If I want to buy that crutches, I have to buy a crutch first. My crutches. This is a simple and crude paradox of buying crutches. Fortunately, there is Meituan Flash Purchase, and it was delivered to me in 30 minutes. ” Sir, your crutches , I’m good.” I used crutches and plaster casts for more than a month, which delayed a lot of work. The most direct impact at the time was that I missed a job walking on the red carpet. I couldn’t go to the Starlight Awards, and someone suggested that I could go in a wheelchair. It’s very embarrassing because if someone of my status goes there in a wheelchair, people will see him and say that he doesn’t have to come. If I really go there in a wheelchair, who would want to push me? They said, “Don’t think so much . If you can still go like this, it means that the capital wants to push you. Then you don’t have to worry about being inconvenient to push you, because it’s easy for capital to push someone. I really want to go. I want the capital to push me forward. They said to push this matter back, but I can feel that in their hearts they actually want to push me . My injury is not all bad for my work , but also good. For example, I have very little pressure on performing now. Don’t worry about whether it’s funny or not. I think this joke shouldn’t get many negative reviews . I just don’t believe that when it’s broadcast, there will be people in the barrage saying that everyone else is funny, but this lame guy is awkward, but I ‘m not kidnapping you by saying this . If there really is such an evaluation, I can accept it. I can even limp to him and apologize to him . I’m sorry. My ligament is broken, which gave you a bad experience, but it’s okay. The doctor said that this broken ligament does not affect kneeling . It may just hurt when you kneel, but it’s okay as long as your conscience doesn’t hurt. You can see that although the ligament of this foot is broken, the climbing ability has improved. It is very easy to climb this moral high ground. I have helped everyone to see the moral high ground of talk show. Hei Deng and Xiao Jia are both there. I really think this industry is too cruel. People like Hei Deng and Xiao Jia will use all the pain as material , which makes me feel very complicated when I feel pain. For example, when I sprained my ankle, the scene was actually very tragic, because the ligament was broken and there was a sound. At that time, there was a bang at the scene. Everyone asked what the sound was. I said it should be the sound of the joke exploding. Thank you for talking so much. You should have given 4 lights. 4 lights. Thank you Guangzhi for the wonderful performance for us. Friends who came to the scene, don’t forget the voting machine in your hand . Countdown 2 1Okay , thank you again for Guangzhi’s performance. Thank you everyone. Guangzhi has a new name. After this segment, it used to be a rose with thorns. When we meet, my Guaiguai teacher just now clapped the light at the point of being alive, right, because they have always been great. I wanted to take a photo from the beginning when it came to my ex , but then my ex held back. Then I think this point that was taken later is very, very cool, because I have also been injured , yes, I have been injured when I was skateboarding before, so this one resonates with me very much. I also sprained my ankle when I was skateboarding before, right? After I sprained my ankle, there was a buddy next to me whose girlfriend was the one who just studied nursing. She came over and pressed the button and asked if it hurt. I said no, I asked why, because I sprained the other ankle, and she kept coming over and pressing the button . But I always think that Guangzhi is very amazing, right? Most people can’t see things that are too close . For example, if I sprained my ankle, after the segment, he could see things that are very close at once with the sound of the explosion. Yes, it feels like Guangzhi is the kind of person who can see his own eyelashes. He has good eyesight and went for a physical examination. His eyesight is indeed very good. It ‘s the part about Chunchun and Guaiguai, right? It’s because I was very involved. In his jokes , Guangzhi is the person who lives in front of my screen. I finally met him alive today. I saw him on the screen before , but when I felt him live today, I felt that he is indeed very, very charming. I feel that Guangzhi is becoming more and more mature , and more and more how to say it , calm and at ease , right? He feels very smooth and calm when coming up with jokes. When the last joke exploded, I was very happy to take the photo because I think Guangzhi is back and even better. Thank you, because the opening contestant has the most difficult task , so from this perspective, it is very remarkable that he took on such a great pressure to come out for an opening show and to have such a performance . I feel that this is not his best performance yet. I feel that it can be better and better. And
the script is invincible. I have the same feeling as Teacher Luyu, that is, he has returned in terms of creation. Because I just have some concerns. Many people in China have always believed that Guangzhi cannot act if he is separated from life. In fact, people who like Guangzhi are very worried. He is considered to be the ceiling of what is called the traditional talk show “poor guy” talk show track in China. Who gave this title? No one knows what it is. What is the poor guy Xiongwei ? The poor guy , the poor guy, the poor guy, the poor guy talk show? This is what netizens said. Now everyone knows that he is rich. On social media, people often secretly take pictures of him sitting in first class. Mr. Luo, you use so many social media platforms that you can see this. There is a problem. When he tells his jokes about being a poor guy, he is very sincere. But after sitting in first class and then telling the poor guy talk show, there will be problems for this artist. It will be very insincere. So what netizens say online, they hope he lives a good life , hope he can create good works, but they are also afraid that he will ride a Land Rover. They hope Guangzhi will ride a unicycle when he goes on business trips in the future. Can the car go over? So I think what he said today has nothing to do with the poor guy talk show , but it’s still very cool . Yes, Guangzhi, why did you choose this segment ? This is indeed the biggest thing that happened to me last year. Secondly, if I don’t talk about this segment, it will be healed soon. What do you think of Guangzhi’s performance in this segment, Mr. Haiyuan, because Guangzhi was injured in this game. I was also a player on the same field. Yes, because people of our level are suitable to play with people of our level, but I think Guangzhi ‘s performance today was very, very steady , and his excavation and control of the material is that he can write very detailed and funny things for almost every detail of the whole thing. This is Guangzhi. His creativity is much stronger than many other actors. He is very powerful . Thank you again. This is the opening contestant of the second season of our “Talk Show and His Friends”. He brought us such a wonderful performance. Thank you Guangzhi. We will announce the results to everyone after the two groups of actors have finished their performances. Guangzhi will take a rest in the waiting area. The next contestant to perform is also familiar to everyone. The best rap in the talk show circle . The best talk show in the rap circle. Applause welcome , haha. Hello, everyone. I’m very happy to be back on this stage . To be honest, last year’s competition was also quite difficult. It was bumpy, but fortunately, there are ups and downs, and there are ups and downs. Last year, it was not the first episode that I talked about my own rap. Earlier this year, the production team of “New Rap” found me and asked me if I would go. I said I would go, and I said that I came here just to go. So since I am back here today, smart audiences should know what happened there. It took me a long time to figure out that they called me over and treated me as Giao Ge (a popular internet celebrity). I said that I had prepared for a cappella for three months, so why did they ask me to add a funny rap related to the talk show? I thought at the time that they cared about me, so I agreed. I believed it at the time I came to Shanghai for the audition for only two days. I brought four pairs of underwear with me, so I thought I would stay longer. I came to Shanghai on April 9 this year and stayed at the official hotel. Including my hotel, there were 271 rappers in total . When I saw them that day, I discovered a cruel fact: I only look like a rapper on this stage . I was squeezed by those 270 people, like a comedian with his hat on the wrong side. I was timid when I saw them. They all looked like the kind of characters that would be charged 5 yuan less for seeing them at the entrance of an elementary school. I was really afraid of them . When you talk to me, you are a talk show host. What are you doing here? I said I came to collect folk songs , but I was still ruthless in my heart. What I said in my heart was that I came to reshuffle the Chinese rap scene. Our game started at 3 o’clock in the afternoon that day. 271 rappers were taken by the bus to the suburbs, which looked like “Northern Myanmar” . After getting off the bus , they did something more like “Northern Myanmar”, which was to collect mobile phones. Nowadays, rappers are not that ruthless. They just collect mobile phones when they shout. I am still waiting to assist them from behind . I said, “Yes, why did you take our mobile phones ?” We
didn’t stand out . Our mobile phones were all collected . We started chatting and it wasn’t easy for them. They said that taking part in this thing every year is like taking the college entrance examination. I sighed and said that this is my second time taking the college entrance examination. He asked me if I had been to our program before. I said no, I had taken a real college entrance examination. An unintentional chat made me look up to him. He said, “I waited until very late at night. It was finally my turn.” At that time, there were a bunch of people standing like terracotta warriors waiting for the instructor to come and visit me. I was a little scared when I heard a few people singing because some people sang very well but didn’t get the chain. The lyrics I prepared at the last minute were really not suitable for singing. Huang Zitao came in front of me I sang to him with gritted teeth, saying that I looked like a squash, which looked so aggrieved. How could a black carp be raised in a canal in Changsha? You said, “damn”, why are you singing so gibberish ? I said, “man”, can you give me some popcorn? Huang Zitao probably didn’t understand me. Did I go to the wrong place? It wasn’t so lively at that time. I sang here. Huang Zitao shook hands with me and told me that if I listened to this a few times, I would be able to sing it. I didn’t understand at that time. I said, “Then you learn it pretty fast.” Later, he explained to me that your flow (rap technique) is too simple. He went to assess others. When he left, he looked at the watch and saw that it was April 10th. It was my 32nd birthday. I was so sad. I was thinking about what I was doing. I was 32 years old. I left my hometown for my music dream. I brought four pairs of underwear and came to Shanghai. In the middle of the night, there were ghosts screaming in the suburbs. I prepared the lyrics for two months and I only sang four sentences. What was I doing? I was pretty good at talk shows. I was still a prince. I ran over to be a proton . They sacrificed me before the war even started. I really couldn’t stand the stimulation at that time. My brain activated the protection mechanism at that time . I started to fantasize about a non-existent reality. Huang Zitao came over inexplicably to listen to me sing. After I finished singing for him, he said, “Brother, you should have sung this just now.” Then he hung the chain on me and said, “Hold on (wait). Then I took the chain and walked to another brother and said, “Brother, you just sang three times without any mistakes. You deserve this chain more than me . ” This chain was not given to you by Huang Zitao , nor was it given to you by me, haha. Bro (brother) of Cao. This chain is given to you in Chinese hip hop (rap). The 270 rappers (rappers) present at the time were shocked when they heard such a hip hop song. hop (rap) and then rushed over to hug me and threw me high into the air hop (rap) When did I wake up from this dream ? It was the director team behind me who made this voice and said that the second group’s assessment was over and asked them to go back to the rest area to eat lunch. When I was eating my lunch, I saw my resurrected buddy and I realized that we were losers eating lunch here . At that moment, my tears really wet the lunch . I wanted to go back to the Xiangjiang River, but my phone was not with me. I had to beg the director to return my phone to me . He said, haha, Teacher Cao won’t give you the phone and you will just run away. He saw through me at once. I could only pretend to be pitiful to him. I said that today is my 32nd birthday and you can check my ID card. I am 32 years old and I haven’t contacted my wife and children for more than ten hours. I am a father. I want to use my phone to reply to the blessing text messages. I want to see a picture of my daughter. It is really useful to play the pitiful game. He returned the phone to me . It was about 3 a.m. when I escaped from the park. The driver who picked me up said that it is so lively in there. There are still people shouting inside at this late hour. I saw a lot of people go in, but I didn’t see many of them come out. I went back to the hotel and couldn’t sleep. After booking the earliest flight, I had nothing to do, so I changed my underwear first. The next day, I was back in bed at my home in Changsha at 9 o’clock . According to my informant They recorded it until 8 o’clock the next day. They said you ran too fast, brother. If you run faster, you have an alibi. I couldn’t close my eyes on the plane that day. I was really sad. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was singing in my mind. I had prepared the a cappella that I hadn’t finished singing. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was thinking about Huang Zitao. He said my song was too simple. As soon as I closed my eyes, I thought about whether I could sing faster. Could I sing fast enough, faster than the speed of light, and be able to reverse time ? They said I looked like a squash. This looked so aggrieved. How could a black carp be raised in a canal in Changsha? Time kept reversing and reversing until The director of the New Rap came over and asked me if I was going. I said no, I was a talk show host. At 9 o’clock, I was lying at home. My wife had just sent the child to the daycare center. When she saw me, she was shocked and said, “Aren’t you in Shanghai?” I looked at my wife and tears came down. I hugged her and said , “Honey, I seemed to have had a long nightmare. ” She patted my back and said happy birthday to me. She said it’s good that you’re back. I’ll order a cake for you. Anyway , you can’t eat Chinese rap cakes. Thank you everyone . I am the 271st strong of the New Rap. Haha. Thank you everyone. Friends at the scene, don’t forget to vote. Countdown 2 1Lock the ticketOkay , thank you again, hahahahahahaha . Why, why do you want to say this? Look, what day is it today, Teacher Zhang? It’s only been a month. I can’t digest this matter. I’ve been upset for a long time. I haven’t called anyone bro for a month. My friend said that I
didn’t want to go to the recording studio recently, so I ran over to be a proton. They treated me as Giao Ge (an internet celebrity) and made me able to reverse time. The director came over and asked me if I would go. I said no because he had told me about this. We happened to be recording another show when we were still talking about this. If you have been a judge, I was one last year. Last year, I happened to be recording this show and our show , and then that rap show. This show is called The show must go on (the show must go on) and that show is called The show must hold on (the show must hold on), which means it’s always on Hold. on (wait) and I don’t know where to hold (stop) and then if you would give me the chain, would you? I told him before, how could I not give it to you? I like this too much , but it’s probably because of Huang Zitao , so Huang Zitao didn’t understand. It’s not what you said, you are not the rapper, you are the most rave rapper, okay? You are too rave. That’s not what I said. I said maybe, maybe because he listened to the flow (melody) more and didn’t understand the joke in the middle. I thought he knew me, but he didn’t know me at all. At that time, I felt very stupid, you know? I was already prepared . After you told me this before, I was still thinking, I still want to tell you, I said you should go up and tease him first, saying I have a microphone in my hand, you are Xu Yiyang’s husband or something like that, when you see me, you buzz For example, Huang Zitao is very cute. He needs others to interact with him and
tease him. It’s very funny. I couldn’t be humorous there. I was really nervous. Those 270 people were really scary. I was scared by them on the first day because we had to prepare a cappella the next day. They kept rubbing their hands and staring at you. I was really
scared. I really had calf cramps when I stood in the pit. Chunchun , what touched you just now? First of all, I have a natural familiarity with the Changsha accent. It’s a bit plastic Mandarin, right ? Then I feel very familiar . In addition, I think he is like a friend who tells me a joke next to me. I am very close to him and I like him. He brings me a lot of joy , so I will clap for him. And the whole segment he just said is like a rap dream movie , and it has a lot of details. For example, when he said ”
I was ready to make the final move” , he said “why no one handed in that thing? I won’t hand in my phone .” But no one spoke out. No one in the middle said any more nonsense . No nonsense. He just said “yes, why? ” His “yes” was based on the assumption that it had been said before. So he didn’t say any nonsense at all . Yes , yes,
this script is highly refined. I will listen to it. Thank him. It gave me an impression that Cui Jian once wrote a line in the lyrics saying ” give me that hand too. ” It should be from “Time.” In the lyrics of “Evening of the Times”, he didn’t mean to say ” give me one hand first and then give me that hand too”. He just said “give me that hand too” , meaning I already have this hand in my hand. When he said that , it was the same degree of refinement and purification. So this is the best time I have ever heard haha. As for the reason for not clapping the lights, although you said you can clap any you like , I still have some psychological barriers. So for example, when I listened to the two of them, I felt that Guangzhi’s was slightly better overall. So whether I should clap the lights or not, I took a look and all three teachers clapped. I felt that three lights were acceptable to me , so I didn’t clap if the three of them If there is anyone who hasn’t been photographed, I will definitely photograph him well. Let’s give another round of applause to Haha Cao. At the same time, we also invited Guangzhi to return to Taichung . It’s time to announce the results. The votes we got from the laughter friends group are Guangzhi 40, Haha Cao 30. Let’s take a look at the final votes . He Guangzhi 292 votes, Haha Cao 244 votes. Anyone photographed him? Wait, Luyu might photograph him. Congratulations to Guangzhi for entering the promotion zone. I ‘ll go over first. I ‘m a little ashamed. To be honest, first of all, I’ve been competing for many years, and I think my vote number today is more or less inflated. I have an advantage at the beginning. Everyone will have some encouraging votes for the opening . It’s a pity, Haha Cao is in the pending zone. Sorry, I ‘m used to the pending zone.