复旦中文系新人最强文本！AI用的不是C语言吗?怎么先把汉语言取代了 | 喜剧之王单口季2 The King of Stand-up Comedy 2 | iQIYI潮综艺
Hello everyone. I’m Chen Mingfei. I’m currently a college student, sophomore year. (Men’s university) How do I feel right now? Well, finals are coming up soon. I majored in Chinese literature. I’ve found that sometimes it’s hard to explain to people what exactly we study in this major. There was this one time I remember clearly, I was taking the train to school, feeling bored on the journey, when a lady asked me, “Young man, what are you studying in college?” I said, “Ma’am, I study Chinese.” She said, “Well, you’re learning it pretty fast.” I said, “Ma’am, I am Chinese.” In my department, to be honest, I didn’t really feel like I fit in, because our major is one where there are a lot more women and very few men. I remember once I joined this jump rope competition at school, and when I joined our team’s WeChat group, I realized I was apparently the only guy. That day, the sports rep wrote in the group, “Ladies, assemble!” I said, “There’s still a human being here.” The sports rep probably didn’t get it, and said, “No one else has a problem, why are you the only one complaining?” But later at the event, she realized there really was a guy, so after we won the championship that day, in her social media post, she showed some respect for me. She wrote, “Me, the ladies, and Chen Mingfei won the championship.” I felt like I was their pet dog. I studied Chinese literature because I wanted to learn how to write, to create some truly good works. But after I got to college, my professor told me, “For a writer to produce truly good work, they usually need to endure 30 or 40 years of hardship first.” I said, “Isn’t that a bit too long?” What if I struggle through more than 20 years of hardship, and then suddenly die? Wouldn’t my entire life just be nothing but suffering?” Don’t talk to me about Goujian’s story of sleeping on firewood and tasting gall, I know it sounds inspiring. But I think it’s inspiring only because Goujian eventually succeeded. If he had tasted gall for three years and then got destroyed by Fu Chai, then in history he’d just be remembered as a weirdo obsessed with tasting gall whose fetish led to his country’s downfall. But I’m still a pretty practical person. I’ve worried too, about how before I can write something good, I’ll make money to support myself. I even considered changing my major. But then I thought about how I have a bunch of friends back home who love reading those “Domineering CEO Falls in Love With Me” stories. I thought to myself that I could still make money off these suckers. Being a writer, a profession that has existed for thousands of years, what problems could it possibly have? Then in my sophomore year, AI learned to write novels. I felt like I was like one of those late Qing Dynasty eunuchs who had just entered the palace. A castrated man. Just as I finished preparing for my career, I discovered the industry had vanished. I felt like I’d been deceived by the times, because I remember clearly, when I was applying for college, everyone online was telling me that art and literature were humanity’s last line of defense against AI. How did it get demolished in just two years? Isn’t artificial intelligence programmed in C language? How did it replace Chinese language first? Don’t tell me that C actually stands for Chinese? I was in agony. I went to ask my friend who works in AI, I said, ‘Just be honest with me, will our profession as writers be replaced by AI?’ My friend told me, ‘In the future, who knows, but not right now, because AI is just starting to learn writing, and in the short term, it can’t match you.’ I said, ‘How is that supposed to comfort me? I’m just starting to learn writing too. AI and I are starting at the same time. Guess which one of us will learn faster? Surely not me?’ It’s really painful. At the end of last year, I participated in a college student short poetry competition, and discovered there was a track already called the AI track. They required our works to demonstrate that kind of human-machine collaborative aesthetic. I said, ‘Human-machine collaboration? Didn’t we used to call this thing cheating when I was a kid?’ I remember in elementary school, watching some classmates using their phones to search for answers during exams, human-machine collaboration, effortlessly getting high scores. I would work hard for hours just to get average grades. I would comfort myself, saying, ‘Chen Mingfei, it’s okay, you’re working harder now, but you’re developing real skills. When you grow up, you’ll be better than them.’ Only to grow up and discover that human-machine collaboration is the real skill. This feels like another version of ‘sleeping on firewood and tasting gall.’ It’s like Goujian tasted gall for three years, only to find that someone else had defeated Fuchai. So he relaxed, having suffered for nothing. And in history, he’s just remembered as a weirdo obsessed with tasting gall. At that moment, I felt that the moral beliefs I had held for years were completely shattered. I attended a lecture at our school about AI application ethics. During that lecture, the professor clearly stated that using AI to help write novels, articles, or publish in magazines was definitely wrong. I thought, this is reassuring, at least the ivory tower still upholds my original moral principles. That day during the Q&A session, a student asked, Professor, I’m not using AI, but many of my classmates are using it. If I don’t use it, won’t I fall behind them? I thought to myself, Professor, this person has such weak willpower, hurry up and scold him, wake him up. The professor said, Let’s turn off the camera in the back first. The professor wanted to share something real with everyone. He said, artificial intelligence has only been developing for a few years, and many related regulations are still in a gray area. So the professor thinks, as long as nobody’s monitoring, just use it however you want. What was I supposed to say? I looked up to you as a mentor, and you’re playing Mission Impossible with me? So what was that whole hour I just spent listening so attentively about? Was it just an ad to unlock the real content? That day I understood something: I feel that ethics and morality are just like cameras – they can restrain the ugliness of human nature. But they can also be turned off. Now I feel like I understand AI is a good thing, I know it represents progress, technological advancement, the wheels of history rolling forward, but I’m not on that train. I feel like I’m that fat guy in the trolley problem tied to the tracks. Except the train of progress doesn’t face any dilemma, there might just be a crew member who spots through the monitor and says, Captain, there seem to be some people ahead, should we stop and wait for them? And the captain says, It’s just a few people, turn off the camera and problem solved. Just watching that train getting closer and closer. My friend beside me would ask, Chen Mingfei, what should we do now? I laugh defiantly at the heavens, my courage stands like twin mountains. He says, well, I’m getting on the train then. There are fewer and fewer people. I watched the tram coming, and I was terrified. I was just lying there, and I said, ‘Wait, there’s still a human here.’ He said nobody else had a problem. Why are you the only one complaining? Thank you, everyone. Hello, I’m Coach Xu. This is my first time on the show. When I arrived, when choosing a team captain, I chose an actor I really admire as my first choice, Liu Yang. Because I really wanted to fight alongside him. We fought together for 15 minutes. Then I got knocked out. I originally wanted the captain to lead me, now I’m trying to get a badge to save the captain. I was raised by my grandparents. I’ve always had a high opinion of my grandfather. I think my grandfather could be considered a philanthropist. His main charitable focus was Northern Myanmar. My grandfather had a natural talent for getting scammed. You could say heaven made a living by tricking him. Because his identity was so special – my grandfather was a calligrapher specializing in cursive script. His name is Xu Delun. If you’re really curious, after the show, you can look him up. But please don’t scam him. Because I’m about to tell you how other scammers have already tricked him. I’m just roasting my grandpa here, not giving you a user manual for him. My grandpa is a folk artist. He desperately wants his work to be recognized by everyone. Scammers know exactly how to exploit this mentality. For example, my grandpa often spends a fortune buying all these awards that you can tell shouldn’t even exist in this world. Recently, a new certificate appeared at home called ‘The Four Great Masters of Chinese Painting and Calligraphy.’ It had 4 portraits on it: Xu Beihong, Xu Beihong, Zhang Daqian, Xu Beihong, Zhang Daqian, Qi Baishi, Xu Beihong, Zhang Daqian, Qi Baishi, and Xu Delun. Four portraits. Only one was in color. This year when I went home for New Year, at the dinner table, my grandpa was extremely happy. He said now that the whole family was together, he wanted to open a bottle of Maotai. I said, ‘Grandpa, we’re just family here, no need to drink something so expensive.’ Then my grandpa made a grand gesture, pulled back a curtain, and revealed a whole case of what looked like Maotai bottles. I said, ‘Grandpa, we’re all family here.’ Maybe we should drink something a bit nicer. My grandpa took out one of those fake Maotai bottles. Ladies and gentlemen, one look at that fake liquor packaging and I understood how well this scammer knew my grandpa. That fake Maotai bottle’s packaging had a front that looked exactly like the genuine Maotai you’d see in stores, completely normal. But the back was printed with a complete set of Xu Delun’s cursive calligraphy works. I asked, ‘When did you two start collaborating?’ My grandpa said they just started working together, mainly because they really appreciated his cursive calligraphy work. This whole case of liquor, 12 bottles of Maotai, they sold to me for just 328 yuan. I said, ‘This Maotai, a 2,000 yuan per bottle liquor, how did it get Delun’s calligraphy printed on it and end up costing the same as cheap white liquor?’ What kind of recognition is this for your calligraphy? This Delun calligraphy must be amazing, it helped bring down the price for the whole family. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I had a small drink with him anyway. Listen, guys, I’ve had my share of baijiu before, but I’d never had fake liquor. The taste and feel of that fake liquor… I took one sip and I was like, ‘How did this cursive calligraphy seep into the bottle?’ Moutai, and for the first time ever I tasted ink flavor. My grandpa even asked for my opinion, he said, ‘Grandson, what do you think of my calligraphy on the bottle label?’ I said, ‘Grandpa, judging from the taste, your writing has definitely penetrated deep into the wood.’ But as for the content, I don’t think a Moutai brand should allow you to write ‘The shepherd boy points to Xinghua Village’ on it. Scammers are getting more and more rampant. In 2023, my grandfather back in our hometown received a phone call praising his calligraphy work, saying they hoped my grandpa could pay some registration fee to go to Beijing to write calligraphy, they wanted to promote him. So my grandfather, retired for 30 years, who had lived his entire life in Liaoning Province, a traditional Northeastern retired official, at the age of 84, resolutely decided to move to Beijing. I said I’ve heard that people face critical moments at 73 and 84, those two major hurdles in life, but I never expected that the 84 hurdle would be so monumentally crossed. Mr. Xu Delun at 84 years old was about to cross the Shanhaiguan Pass. I was still doing my master’s in Beijing at the time, looking for a job during graduation season, not very successfully, I had just failed an interview. On my way back to school, my grandpa called me and said, ‘Grandson, I’ve found a job in Beijing.’ I said, ‘You’re doing better than me in the spring job hunt.’ ‘When you graduate, don’t rush to find an apartment, I’m planning to come to Beijing and share a place with you.’ ‘I’ll bring some bottles of liquor from home, and we can drink together after work every day.’ I couldn’t tell which statement was more terrifying, I never imagined such an outcome. I came from Liaoning Province, worked hard to get into Beijing, this big city, finally managed to find a job and settle down, only to end up sharing an apartment with my grandpa. Isn’t that too depressing? Sharing an apartment with my grandpa in the big city… In the big city, haven’t I already spent my days being treated like a nobody? Living with my grandpa. Hey everyone, has any of you ever shared an apartment with your grandpa? You can’t even set up those typical roommate rules that you would with normal roommates, it’s just too unreasonable with your grandpa. Imagine telling your grandpa, we can’t share the same WiFi, we have to take turns using the bathroom. And most importantly, without my permission, you can’t bring my grandma over to spend the night. But I tried to understand my grandfather a bit, elderly people just want to feel valuable. My grandpa really hopes his hard work will make his artwork popular, so he can earn money to buy me a house. But now the harder he works in this direction, the further I get from owning a house, and the closer I get to having roommates. The worst thing about scammers is they exploit this family affection of elderly people. That scammer straight up told my grandpa, if you come to Beijing and pay this money, I’ll promote you, and in the future, one square foot of your calligraphy will buy you one square meter of property in Beijing. After hearing this, my grandpa now grabs his brush and paper determined to get me an apartment. The last calligrapher with this much confidence in his abilities was Magic Brush Ma Liang. I said, aren’t we being a bit too gullible? One square foot worth tens of thousands, according to what he’s saying, my grandpa could squat down writing faster than a money printing machine. My grandpa is like the old ox from Lu Xun’s writings, nothing less. Drinking fake liquor, creating authentic masterpieces. You’d think if rice paper wanted to increase in value, it should all be given to my grandpa. Cai Lun invented paper just for Delun to use it. Last week I told my grandpa, I said, there’s a stand-up comedy show that wants me, I’m planning to go to Shanghai next week, I’m going to mention your name on the show, hopefully at least one of us will become famous. My grandpa laughed after hearing this. He said, ‘Have you been scammed?’ Alright, thank you everyone, thank you all. Hello everyone, I’m Yu Xiangyu. After recording the show last year, I’ve actually changed quite a bit, now I’ve started having relatives asking me for favors. Last month I suddenly got a call saying, ‘Xiangyu, your cousin has been arrested.’ When I asked, they said my brother’s store accidentally accepted some fraud money and he needed to cooperate with an investigation. Now he’s been taken to Shanghai and can’t be reached. Then they asked me, “Xiangyu, do you know anyone who could go to the detention center and get your brother out?” I was completely stunned after hearing this. Where would I find someone like that? Everyone I know in Shanghai is a stand-up comedian, completely useless. They only know how to be funny. If I asked them, “Do you guys have any connections to get into a detention center?” They’d say, “What for? You want to perform at a detention center? You can’t go there. There are too many celebrities there already, you’re not famous enough.” I really had no idea what to do. So I thought about finding a lawyer for my brother, but I didn’t know where to look, so I opened Dianping. Dianping really has a lot of law firms, but you can’t trust those positive reviews. Just like restaurants, many good reviews are obviously fake. Someone said this law firm is easy to find. No need to wait in line. Death sentences are carried out immediately. And with so many options, you start looking for the best deal. I finally carefully selected a 4.7-star law firm for my brother and got a 3.9 yuan criminal defense package. Looking back now, it’s ridiculous. Desperate times, desperate measures. What can a 3.9 yuan criminal defense lawyer possibly do? Judge says life imprisonment. Lawyer says okay. My brother’s there saying, “What crime did I even commit?” “Being poor.” Later that night, my brother was released, but this incident really shook me. I used to think I could get by without connections or favors, that I could survive on my own, but actually all I rely on is searching everything online. My relatives ask me, “Xiangyu, do you know anyone in Shanghai?” I say, “I have artificial intelligence, if there’s a problem, I use Quark, Quark AI super search box, it can answer anything, it just has high search intelligence.” My relative says, “Xiangyu, maybe you should search how to improve your emotional intelligence first.” Actually, since I started college, relatives would always say, “When you’re out there in the world, your career will depend on connections. You should socialize more with people who are more accomplished than you.” But why would people more accomplished than me want to socialize with me? Don’t they say the essence of networking is resource exchange? What resources do I have that they want? My cloud drive resources? I’ll directly message the CEO of iQiyi. I have media resources to exchange with you. I’ll add you to my resource group and you help me enter the entertainment industry. If you’re interested, let’s have dinner. I even have student discounts for Haidilao hotpot. But now I realize that some things are really difficult to accomplish on your own. When I first came to Shanghai last year, I had to see a doctor once because I had a burn on my foot that kept getting infected and wouldn’t heal. If you search online, it’s terrifying – they say it could rot and smell bad, and eventually lead to amputation. But hospitals with burn departments are extremely rare. When I checked for appointments, I’d have to wait at least a week. I said, forget it then, just amputate it right away. The one-legged comedy king season. After searching for a long time, I found that the only available option was the VIP clinic. It means you don’t have to wait in line, but for the same doctor, a regular appointment costs 50 yuan, while the VIP clinic costs 1,000. I was like, how come hospitals now have Disney FastPass tickets? Maybe I should just wait in line. I realized that when you have limited finances, even when it comes to healthcare, you instinctively consider cost-effectiveness, truly choosing money over life. Health issues can wait. What’s the worst that could happen? Die while waiting? At least I’d get to experience one attraction – Soaring Over the Morgue. So I asked my friends in Shanghai how to get medical care more conveniently. They told me to use connections, saying, ‘I never wait in line, my brother is an oncologist.’ I said, ‘What, do you get tumors every day?’ He said, ‘No, my brother takes me to other departments and connects me with his colleagues there.’ Hospitals are like mini-societies, where any special treatment naturally goes to friends and family first. Why should friends and family get priority? Shouldn’t it be… Nobody ever taught me these things before. I only knew that studying medicine can’t save all Chinese people. I didn’t know it could save your own people. Do they ask at medical school graduation ceremonies, ‘Why do we dedicate ourselves to medicine?’ ‘To get benefits for our families.’ To be honest, I don’t mind if you laugh at me, but I used to think I didn’t want to rely on connections because philosophically speaking, people want fairness. So I should practice what I preach, and even if my life is harder as a result, at least I can say I’m a good person. But now I think this is just self-deception, isn’t it? It means having nothing but having a hell of an attitude. Because if you want a good life nowadays, you either need connections or money. But I have neither of those things, just a strong sense of integrity. Just talking tough here. I have no money and no connections. It’s all fine. Good people will be blessed with peace. Thank you all. I’m Yu Xiangyu. Qiqi. (Cute) This past year. The spotlight has been nurturing. Indeed. I’m back again this year. In last year’s show, I performed excellently. This isn’t just me saying so, I asked AI. After I was on the show last year, many people complimented me, and some people told me things like… Girls are the most wonderful creatures in the world, all soft and fragrant. Personally, I don’t like this kind of talk because I think we girls come in all varieties, why must we be soft and fragrant, right? (Right) We’re not some kind of French pastries. But recently, a snack brand asked me to do a livestream. I really couldn’t resist at that moment, I said I am a pastry. I’m soft and fragrant. Maybe because I was too fawning, I didn’t get the business deal in the end. After the show, many people said they remembered my confidence. And some girlfriends told me they envied my natural confidence. No one is born confident, we’ve never seen any doctor during a prenatal checkup pointing at the ultrasound saying, this child of yours has congenital confidence. And then when this baby is born in the delivery room, it just… The truth is, I’ve been overweight since childhood, so I’m not naturally confident, I just naturally have a good appetite. Really, my appetite is so good that when I first heard about the concept of ‘appetizers,’ I was completely shocked. I was like, does the stomach ever close? Do you guys have to ask it to open up? ING OF COMI How do you call it? How do you call it? KING OF CC you say: stomach! KING OF you say: stomach! You’ve made the stomach angry. The stomach comes first. Thank you for enjoying this joke. This is truly one of my favorite jokes that I’ve written this year. For no particular reason, it’s just absurd. I used to be really insecure. I was most insecure during puberty, because in middle school, everyone loved pairing the heaviest girl with the heaviest boy in our class. Right? Middle school prohibited puppy love, yet there I was arranging relationships. That boy and I barely ever spoke to each other. We were both too scared, because if we had any interaction at all, everyone would be like, “Look! They’re truly made for each other!” So much drama. Honestly, looking back now, the two of us were exactly like those forced celebrity couples. We both wanted to break free, but the fans wouldn’t allow it. There was one way for us to break up: one of us had to lose weight. But I couldn’t lose weight, so he had to do it for me. I went crazy eventually, I’d get angry just seeing him sitting there. I’d get angry just seeing him sitting there. I’d say, “You need to exercise!” “Go running!” “If you don’t run, I’ll chase you!” He said, “If you don’t run, I’ll chase you.” Our classmates went crazy hearing this. She runs, (he chases), all that drama. Okay, we all get it. We’ve all shipped couples before. But honestly, this wasn’t what scared me the most back then. What I feared most was weighing in during physical exams. Everyone gets it. Because every time I stepped on that scale, a bunch of boys would gather around and make a scene. That scene was like a major event. I was already like a female celebrity back then. But actually, with that scale, I was like a celebrity, and I was like its security guard. Because I was the one saying, “Stop looking! Go away!” Our teacher didn’t take photos during weighing. That was my youth. So back then I really couldn’t watch any teen movies because all those female leads were either natural beauties were either born beautiful or ugly ducklings who transformed, and I couldn’t relate to any of them. Have you all seen First Love: A Little Thing? (Yes) Right? It’s about the female lead’s transformation for her crush, the king of the school. But you probably forgot that the main character had a chubby best friend. She also had her own crush. I put myself in her shoes watching the whole thing, but then I saw her just helping the main girl chase the guy, and I was so frustrated. I was like, ‘Girl, don’t you have your own love life to worry about?’ Later, the main character had her ugly duckling transformation and became beautiful, right? So many guys fell for her. But her chubby friend was still dark and plain-looking, and I was really angry. I was like, ‘Aren’t we best friends? Why didn’t you share your skin-brightening secrets?’ ‘You didn’t teach me makeup? You only invite me when it’s time to eat, and you don’t even eat yourself.’ Do you care about us ordinary people or what? Can’t someone make a coming-of-age film for us regular folks? Seriously, couldn’t they at least give us a fantasy to dream about, right? If I made a film, I’d make the main character chubby too, with nothing special, but she’d be super confident. Because the people around her would all be normal and friendly, just regular nice people. When the main girl and the chubbiest boy in class walk together, when they’re walking side by side, everyone else would just say, ‘Look, just two ordinary people.’ When the main girl weighs herself during a health check, a group of boys would gather around acting as her bodyguards, saying no one gets to see her weight. And the doctor would say, ‘What? Not even me?’ When the girl develops a crush and starts worrying about her body, starving until she faints, her friend would hand her a small bread roll saying beauty has no ceiling. ‘Look how soft and sweet you are, and it’s not worth it for some guy.’ It’s not worth it for a man. Because without food-filled love, life is like scattered grains of sand, just like loose sand. When the wind blows, it’s no longer tasty. My friend heard all my ideas. My friend listened to all these ideas of mine. She said what I described isn’t a coming-of-age film, not a teen movie at all. It’s ‘A Bite of China’ COME. It’s ‘A Bite of China’. I have to admit, ladies, the current environment can’t produce youth films like this anymore. So really, KING OF COME if you feel KING OF COM that you lack confidence, that you lack confidence, just fake it. Don’t worry about it, just fake it for a while. If you really don’t know how to fake it, just put in your pocket a vivo S30. IG OF COMEDY Live Photo magic tool KING OF COMI. NG OF COMEDY Live Photo magic tool KING OF COM. NG OF COMEDY Photo magic tool KING OF COM. ING OF COMEDY Live Photo magic tool. KING OF COME Live Photo magic tool, capture your vibrant self. KING OF CO take a good look at yourselves, KING OF C how wonderful you really are. Facts prove, flattery can get you business deals OMEDY. And if we think about it carefully, there’s no downside to faking confidence. NG OF COMED ED if someone comes up to you KING CT OM, even if someone comes up and asks you, what gives you the right to be so confident. Just ignore them, turn around and walk away. Because you really don’t know why. Just like I don’t know OF COMEDY why I used to feel inferior G OF. IG OF COME why I used to feel inferior.NG. Thank you all. Thanks. Thank you. Hello everyone, my name is Xiaohai. Thank you. KING I’m a part-time stand-up comedian, in my spare time I also have a full-time job. I’m a director at my company. I’m basically middle management, KING OF COM with one boss above me. KING OF CON one subordinate, and no colleagues. Yet this boss still holds meetings every day to discuss with us the company’s future development strategy. There are only three people in the company, what strategy? ING OF COMED lined up in a row. Lined up in a row. Our company is really tiny, how small is it? The office building we rent used to be a hotel, and our company is just a standard room. We have many things we shouldn’t have. KING OF CO our company doesn’t have a printer, but we do have a bathtub. The bathtub is filled with all kinds of stuff, like food and drinks. One day a client came over, and my boss said to me in front of them. ING OF COM go get some water from the bathtub for the client KING OF C. ING OF CO go get some water from the bathtub for the client. A few days ago, my subordinate resigned. FCOMEDY our company doesn’t even have a group chat anymore 3 OF. FCOMEDY our company doesn’t even have a group chat anymore G OF. People often ask me now, when you do stand-up comedy, aren’t you afraid your boss will find out? I’m not afraid. Because, you see, I have two jobs. Our boss one company, two people, six jobs. Our company has a 300% employment rate. If you want to achieve a 100% employment rate, you’d still need to hire four street loafers. In our company, I’m the only full-time employee, and the boss hired a part-timer the other day. A part-time CEO. Ever heard of that? A part-time CEO. A part-time CEO. A part-time CEO. Which company do you work for? The annual salary is paid daily. It’s paid daily. Usually I don’t dare to call him, because I’m afraid he might have other part-time jobs. he might have other part-time jobs. I’m afraid I’ll call and say, Boss, there’s a document that needs your signature, and he’ll say, I’ll sign it later, after I finish this delivery. Not only is the company bizarre, but the boss often makes many ridiculous demands. Can you believe it? The other day my boss asked me to be on duty. I said, shouldn’t duty be rotated among everyone? I’ve never seen anyone be on duty alone. One person isn’t called being on duty, one person is called being a cleaner. Now I’m afraid when I go for interviews in the future, they’ll ask what work experience I have. He often makes many ridiculous demands, the other day he told me, from now on you need to read one book every month. Have you noticed, bosses only make demands about useless things like these. When it comes to actual work, they can’t explain clearly what exactly they want you to do. (Right). Look, reading one book every month is very clear and measurable. But when it comes to work, they just say, fix this up. Just fix this up. Friends, it’s really hard to hear someone say a sentence where you don’t know the subject, verb, or object. Fix this up, who should fix it, fix what exactly, what does ‘fix up’ even mean? With just this phrase, the boss can make me do anything. Even if my boss asks me to kill someone he can just say ‘fix this thing.’ Then a few days ago my boss wanted to cut my salary again. He actually told me to draft a ‘voluntary’ salary reduction agreement. I said, ‘What? You want to cut my salary and I have to write the agreement myself?’ ‘If you want to strangle me, do I have to braid the rope too?’ ‘This is like Pan Jinlian telling Wu Dalang, ‘Dalang, your medicine is ready.’ And what does ‘voluntary salary reduction’ even mean? I’m just so thrilled about a pay cut – sarcasm intended. I told my boss, ‘Yes, it’s about time you cut my salary.’ ‘Several headhunters are contacting me now.’ ‘I’m just dying for a pay cut.’ ‘When I blow out birthday candles, I wish for more responsibility with less pay.’ ‘Another pay cut!’ ‘Let me quickly catch all these blessings.’ Then a few days ago my boss wanted to cut my salary again. This time, he actually wanted to change me to part-time. he actually wanted to change me to part-time. I don’t need part-time work. Then he said something to me and I finally understood what a true domineering boss is. what a true domineering boss is. what a true domineering boss is. He told me, ‘Although I’m changing you to part-time, I hope you won’t take any other jobs.’ I said, ‘What?’ ‘Are you trying to put a lock on a shared bike?’ But there’s one benefit to the pay cut. I’ve noticed my boss speaks to me much more politely now. Before, my boss would just say, ‘This won’t work.’ Now he says, ‘This thing of yours…’ I say, ‘If it doesn’t work…’ ‘Then please fix this.’ But I don’t have any other options. My boss cuts my salary, so I can only turn my boss into a comedy bit. so I can only turn my boss into a comedy bit. My boss cuts my salary, and I bring you laughter. This is cost-cutting for more laughs. Thank you, everyone. I’m Xiao Hai.