吐槽寺庙商业企业化，穷人的困境就是脸和钱只能要一个！|【脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季】 #脱口秀和Ta的朋友们第二季 #Stand-up Comedy2
Hello everyone, I’m the second brother. My main job is a firefighter . I wish you happiness to those who are clapping. This is the beginning of the crosstalk. To those who are not clapping, I will also keep you safe. In the last round of the competition, I talked about the feelings between firefighters. Today I want to talk to you about my love . My wife and I are from Northeast China, and we are a good match. I am 1.80 meters tall and she is also 1.80 meters tall. We met through a blind date introduced by someone. I arrived late that day. They were all seated. I introduced myself first. I said hello . They all called me the second brother , and you can call me the second brother from now on. She said her name is Shengxue . I said, “Then I will call you Xiaoxue from now on , and you can call me Dasheng from now on. ” Dasheng is a female sprinter. I took combat and martial arts electives in college. I am a firefighter. At first, I didn’t take Dasheng seriously at all until one winter when we had a snowball fight in my hometown. I was completely conquered. She was very good at snowball fights . She didn’t even use snow . I couldn’t run faster than her. She knocked me down with a sweeping kick, rode on me, locked my throat , and asked me if I was convinced. I couldn’t answer, but since then From the day on, I told myself that I would definitely be with this woman, Dasheng . Because we firefighters seldom go home , all the big and small matters at home have to be left to our other half, so my criterion for choosing a spouse is to find someone with good hands-on skills. Dasheng’s hands-on skills rarely disappoint me and often make me despair. I remember one time I bought a photo frame online and wanted to cover the electric meter box in my home . Dasheng sent me a video saying, “Brother, the goods have arrived.” I said, “Wait for me to go home on vacation and I will install this thing . It needs an electric drill. ” She said that a sledgehammer is really not easy to use. Then the camera turned and I saw that the wall paint was chiseled off. I couldn’t help laughing. Dasheng was angry and I was scared because I had seen this expression when we were having a snowball fight. I quickly said, “It’s okay . Just prepare some latex paint, putty powder and some water . Wait for me to go back and scrape it white. It’s very simple. ” Dasheng listened to me and sent me a message in the evening , asking, “Brother, what is the ratio of latex paint, putty powder and water? ” I missed home especially that night. I called Dasheng early the next morning and asked me, “Brother, how is the white scraping ? If it’s not good, it’s okay . We can redecorate it. ” She said, “Brother , let’s We wanted to go together. Monkey King is seven years younger than me . Normally , I take care of her when we are together, which is what I should do. She has been looking for opportunities to repay me. Hard work pays off. Once I had an accident and my right anterior cruciate ligament was torn. I was pushed to the hospital bed after the operation. The anesthetic had not worn off yet. Monkey King was very good to me. He helped wash my feet and cut my toenails. We were talking and laughing at the time. I was lying there looking at the ceiling of the hospital. I said something to her and she said something to me. She did n’t move. I suddenly got up and saw bloody cotton balls all over the floor. I looked at the bleeding big toe and I seemed to be back at the operation scene. It hurt me just looking at it. Monkey King held the cotton balls and put them there. Second brother , I’m sorry, I’m sorry , we are men. I got up immediately and said it was okay, second brother, I don’t blame you, don’t cut the other foot for now. Later, I went home to recuperate and made delicious food for me in different ways every day, all of which were her favorites. That day she wanted to fry fried cakes for me. She got up at 4:30 in the morning and kneaded the dough . I said, Monkey King, you should pay attention to rest, but she said, second brother, I don’t need it. I said the patient needs rest more. Then she asked me to help her measure the oil temperature. You know I It was very difficult at that time. I leaned on my crutches and finally got to the wok. Monkey King was lying behind me with a fried cake, impatient and very cute, like a big bird . I put my hand on the wok and asked her if she was ready, I said no , wait a minute. I put it again and asked her if she was ready, I said I was ready. No, I said wait, and the fried cake flew over. I saw the fried cake fall into the wok. At that moment, I was desperate. It was summer and I was wearing only a pair of shorts. I wanted to run but I couldn’t. I turned around suddenly and lifted up my crippled leg . I used it to block the wok from all directions . I thought there was no hardship , but my leg was made. There were four big burns, as big as fried cakes . I have been a firefighter for 14 years and I have never been burned . Monkey King held a cotton ball and asked her if she was sorry, sorry. I saw how pitiful she looked and said it was okay , don’t blame me, blame me for not wearing work clothes . Later, she suggested giving me a haircut, and I think this suggestion scared me. She bought all the tools, including compasses and measuring tapes , but she also bought a bottle of iodine, which is very humane. What I like about Monkey King is that he is decisive in doing things. I just sat on the stool My head hasn’t been straightened yet and a shaver came from behind. I looked in the mirror and said, “Great Sage, I feel it’s a little short .” She said, “Second brother, do you feel it’s short? Doesn’t it hurt?” Then she came over with a cotton ball . “Second brother, ” I said, “Great Sage , please put away your magical powers. From now on, can you please not tell me? ” She said, “Okay, second brother, I won’t tell you now. Let’s talk about it together after I finish shaving you.” Later, my comrade-in-arms came to my house to see me. The relationship between our comrades-in-arms is so pure. He said he came to see me , so I just came to see him. As soon as he entered the house, he discussed my condition with me. Pointing at my leg, he said, “Is this the second leg?” I said to him, ” Why are there four big lumps on your leg? What’s wrong with your big toe?” I lowered my head and said, “I don’t want to say it.” He asked, “What’s wrong with your head?” He said, “You are on a mission at home . No, come back to the team with me. The team is safe.” Later, he sent my comrade away . I remember one day on my birthday, the Monkey King bought me a wheelchair online and wanted to push me downstairs for a walk. That night, I was wearing a mask and pajamas. She pushed me downstairs. While pushing me, I sighed and said, “Second brother , if there are any bumps on the road between us in the future , I will accompany you through them. ” I said, “Then can you find a good way for me now? ” Later, When we reached a steep slope, she suddenly stopped. I thought she was going to change the route. Later, she asked me to hold on to the cotton ball. The scene of holding it at that time is still vivid in my mind. I reacted instinctively and stood up from the wheelchair. I said, “I feel better now . How about I push you?” I pushed her like this. I pushed her like this. You know, an auntie passing by was very excited and surprised when she saw it . She pointed at my girlfriend and said, ” Little girl, does your father have cerebral thrombosis?” Then, on the way back with Dasheng, Dasheng suddenly said to me, “Second brother, I’m sorry, you see how I hurt you.” I said, “What are you saying, sorry, this is an injury?” Is n’t this the medal of honor for our love? Thank you everyone. This ending is very interesting. The second brother is locking in the tickets. Second brother, your wife knows that you are going to talk about these things about her. She knows that she will be seriously injured when she returns. She has shown everything. Her impression is that she said that it was still a little light. Why did you choose this content for the third round? Because I have always wanted to talk about the lives of firefighters . In fact, before I got married, an old captain of mine often told me that it is not easy to be a firefighter, and it is even more difficult for the wife of a firefighter. So , when I was with the Monkey King, she often, she is younger than me , she often wants to take care of me , and she always takes me for no reason. Hurt but I enjoy the process very much. That’s right because she is a sweet burden to me. I don’t go home often, so I feel like I can leave everything to her. As long as she is happy, she can do it and I will cover her. It’s a very sweet talk show. How hot. I took this light because every time the second brother performs, it reminds me of the feeling of Errenzhuan. I feel very, very happy because before I watched talk shows, a person told a joke on the stage, just like Errenzhuan. Then I knew for the first time what it felt like to laugh until I peed. So when the second brother performs, it always reminds me of the funny feeling. Where is the enthusiasm and he Right at the beginning, I said that was the opening of the Errenzhuan, right? The audience, both those who applauded and those who didn’t, particularly liked this kind of humor , so I took this shot for the second brother. Thank you, teacher . Chunchun thought about it for a long time before taking the shot. One thing is that I think the second brother’s laughs were more frequent in the previous two times . This time, I think he went with a relatively warm story. It made me feel like I was watching a love sitcom, which was very beautiful. From the perspective of the work, it seemed to show more of her stupidity in doing things, so there would be a series of consequences . It was a bit of a detour. I guess that’s how I felt, so I didn’t take the right shot , but the whole process was very pleasant to listen to. For the first time, the second brother spoke on this stage about something that had nothing to do with the specific work of firefighters. He started talking about family happiness and how he got along with his wife. Talk shows are not only sharp , but also warm, so thank you again for the second brother for the wonderful performance he brought us. The friend who is going to compete with the second brother is a newcomer. What is his best skill? He uses very relaxed body language to show his misunderstanding of the world. Applause. Welcome Xiaoqi. Hello, everyone. I’m Xiaoqi . They insisted on naming our group the Four Heavenly Kings. I’m quite timid. Because they are all kings and princes , and I am just a commoner. But haha, Cao said that next to the king and the prince are eunuchs. I thought at the time, I said , I haven’t seen you so punchline in “New Rap 2025” , but I’m a newcomer, what can I say? I said that I am indeed still a common actor. When I go out to perform, I often stay in some cheap hotels and share rooms with some unfamiliar actors. I said that I am most afraid of a kind of hotel design, that is, the bathroom is made of glass. How did I find out? That day I was lying on the bed and watching normal videos , the kind of normal outfits without bad guidance videos. When I looked up and saw the bad outfits, I was a little scared, because our eyes met and I still had the smile I was looking at beautiful women. I was very confused at the time. I asked the clerk why it was designed like this? He told me the answer, but I didn’t understand it. He said that it was to allow you to still see your belongings when you take a shower. The cheap hotel I live in thinks that poor people like me only want property and not dignity . Really , I think many things are the most uncomfortable when you see them and can’t protect them. I don’t know about you. When I take a shower, I can’t protect anything. I can only protect my privacy. He took my privacy away. How do you protect it? I was taking a shower, and a thief took my bag away. The problem comes Chase or not? The classic dilemma for poor people like me is that you can only have one between money and face. If I chase, I can’t wipe it dry, put on clothes , and use toner. The thief went abroad, and I couldn’t chase him directly. A normal person would definitely wrap a bath towel and run out to chase him. Friends, when you see this scene, do you think you should catch him or me? You won’t think there is a bag thief in front. You will think there is an exhibitionist who will catch up with him and wait to face him . But the screenwriter said that my joke was wrong and said that if a thief came in when I was taking a shower , I could fight him directly. I said, “Is it shirtless?” I said so. I just fought. I have too many weaknesses. I don’t know how to defend when I fight. And when I want to apply shower gel, he comes in and it’s too slippery. I don’t want anyone to save me. How can I save me? I’m fighting and I say someone come and help me.
What’s wrong? I think thieves will be angry and say I’m just robbing money. I think this is a classic dilemma in our lives. In many cases, if you give up your face, the money may come. Because I stayed in that hotel, I went to visit the temple the next day. Our traveler insisted on taking me there. We didn’t understand the temple. It was my first time visiting it. I thought it would be very simple, but I didn’t expect that the temple is now It’s been commercialized and made me look very unfashionable. There was an asphalt road up the mountain, but cars were not allowed in . It was very difficult for me because I had to carry an incense stick that was 1.8 meters high. My travel companion insisted on buying it , saying that we must burn the tallest and thickest incense sticks, and that the Buddha would do our work first. He wanted to run away, but this was different from the Buddha’s worldly wisdom. When the Buddha collected the incense sticks, he still did not make an exception for the Bodhisattva. I think it’s unnecessary , and it really took 50 minutes to get up the mountain. I had no choice. I asked the administrator, ” If cars are not allowed in, what should we do with the incense sticks? ” He told me that I felt he had studied Buddhism, because that word could help you cope with all the setbacks in the world. He said, “You You have to carry it. I said this, Xuan Na. If he hadn’t said that, I would have thought I had to ride it . The incense just touched my butt and I went up the mountain . I couldn’t carry it . There were so many people during the May Day holiday. My friend and I, two big fools , carried 1.8-meter-high incense to climb the mountain. Neither of us could turn around . Ten people came down the mountain. It was so high. And I was climbing and I was very tired. I saw a convoy going up. I said, “Aren’t cars not allowed in?” What does that mean? He said that the parking lot up there is their internal parking lot. It’s normal for monks to go to work and drive their cars. I said, “Aren’t all beings equal? ” And this rule came later. I think there was no such rule at the beginning. It must be some monk. You know, when you are at work This rule is only in place because of traffic jams and road rage. I really can’t imagine how a monk could get road rage. I think it must be something like “Amitabha, can you drive? Great donor, please help me to be reborn. I carried you up the mountain for 50 minutes. When I got to the top of the mountain, I found that I was exhausted. It was completely different from what I imagined. It was ancient and fragrant. There were six big words next to the vermilion gate: ” No outside incense allowed . ” I felt like a bootlicker. And after entering, the temple was completely different from what I imagined . There was a merit box , a particularly large merit box, in front of the Buddha statue. There was a huge payment code on the merit box . I said the boss was amazing. He could collect merit for the Buddha and he wouldn’t deduct it. Buddha’s handling fee. I think he has achieved equality for all beings. Everyone who comes gets 0.02%. No matter who you are, everyone accumulates merits inside. He takes it out monthly. There are people at the door who persuade people to donate , saying that donors should do good deeds and accumulate merits to accumulate Buddha’s affinity, but I didn’t dare to give it. Although he was dressed in a standard manner , his hairstyle did not conform to the regulations. Not to mention the scars from his ordination , he also had bangs. What was even more shocking was that a pickup truck drove into the temple behind him and got out. Two monks took the merit box and started pouring money into the back pocket of the pickup truck. I was shocked at the time. I’m not the kind of person who cares about things , but you should be more honest. I think their industry evaluation is the same as ours, that is, I don’t care whether it’s true or not , but you Don’t be exposed . I can’t think of these things when you are not exposed. I can’t talk about stand-up. In the middle of the show, I said, “Actually, I just lied to you. I can chase the thief naked . If you are not exposed, I thought there was a black hole in the merit box. I don’t know where the money went after I put it in. But after he collected it , I began to doubt everything. I doubted that this temple has been listed. I doubted that the robes worn by the abbot were Paris robes. I doubted everything. When I scanned the code, a voice came from behind the Buddha and said that 2 yuan was charged to the Buddha’s account . Later, it was revealed that they were indeed a fake temple and they were illegally saving sentient beings. Thank you everyone, I am Xiaoqi . Xiaoqi’s locked ticket The channel is open. Thank you all for coming. Teacher, please explain clearly why you didn’t shoot the light. What are you hesitating about ? Let’s say that this time he didn’t reach the point of shooting because Xiaoqi’s first and second performances gave me the feeling that this time he would be able to win the king’s dark horse. But no matter what, I heard this story this time and I thought it was quite interesting. But I didn’t have such a desire to shoot it like the previous two times. When you performed before, this process was very different from today, right? The audience reaction or because it is normal, this is placed in the middle of my special show. I finished my two episodes of jokes before. I am a secondary school student living in a small city, so everyone understands why I have such thoughts .
And then there is such a dilemma . It would be a little awkward to talk about these things suddenly. Yes, it is awkward at this point, so I didn’t shoot it. You can understand, right? I understand too much. Teacher, I like you very much . Thank you, Xiaoqi. I have seen this offline. I went to see it secretly that day without saying hello to him. I have been thinking just now whether your performance is different from what I saw that day, or maybe I have some distracting thoughts in my mind, so some small details are not handled differently. Maybe it is . Thank you, Mr. Luo, I think this is a competition . If you look at the on-site effect, it is only one of the elements. If this is not achieved, I will look at other things. But except that the performance was relatively warm today, his rhythm performance and content expression on the spot were all very, very good. I personally like it very much, but I have a regret. I think there should be one more. You talked about the plight of a poor person when taking a bath. This is absurd. Then when we pursue faith, there is a certain absurdity in religious places. Then there is nothing. I thought there would be another one . So in the end , I felt that the ending was a bit hasty. I even clapped the lights a bit hastily. This is a flaw in my opinion. Xiaoqi is a new actor who will definitely leave a deep impression on everyone because he has a unique rhythm , a unique expression , and his sense of atmosphere on the whole stage is very different from other talk show actors. Let’s give applause to Xiaoqi again . Second brother returned to the scene. Second brother and Xiaoqi received 195 votes for the second brother and 236 votes for Xiaoqi. Let’s give applause to the two of you again .