强强对决 邱瑞VS漫才兄弟，邱瑞吐槽飞机延误没有任何补偿，漫才兄弟再次炸场演绎坐飞机！|【脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季】 #脱口秀和Ta的朋友们第二季 #Stand-up Comedy2
Hello, everyone. I’m Qiu Rui. We usually perform in various places. When we get to a city where my old classmates are, it’s inevitable to get together and listen to them teach me how to do talk show. After two taels of wine, they really comforted me. You said, Brother Rui, you just didn’t appear on the show this year, why are you worried? I think you’re funny, you’re funnier than Zhao Benshan, and you’ll be on the Spring Festival Gala sooner or later. I said I’ve been on it. You can’t leave even if you don’t want to hear it. I said I have to catch a 7 o’clock flight, and they said , then you just don’t sleep, get on the plane and sleep later . Even if I say I have to get up early for the college entrance examination, they will still say it’s just right for me not to go. Can’t you celebrities go for targeted training? The key is that they told me to sleep on the plane. Is that a place where you can rest whenever you want ? You said, why don’t you go to the airport to sleep for a while? The boarding gate at a big airport is very far away . The H gate corridor of Pudong Airport is longer than my life. I don’t know why every time I get to the airport, I have to take a subway to get to the H gate . I thought to myself, didn’t I come here by subway? When you were repairing the subway, you only missed this section . If you repair it to Shenyang, I won’t take your plane. You said, sleep at the boarding gate. It’s even worse if there is a delay. I dare not sleep at all, they will delay you little by little. The worst delay I had was 8 hours. I was flying from Beijing to Hebei. I was furious at the airport. I said, if I had known, I would have scanned a shared bicycle. It would take 8 hours to ride faster. My friend is back . It’s so close and beautiful. I’ll ride to Hebei. Moreover, I think their solution to delay is particularly unreasonable. They ask you to buy the delay insurance. Why do you have to spend money to buy your insurance when you are late for such a long time if I want to compensate you? According to your logic, my boss shouldn’t deduct money from me if I am late for work in the future. He should buy insurance first. We don’t pay compensation on rainy days. If he can’t get up on cloudy days, it is force majeure. Now I will buy this delay insurance in retaliation when I take a plane. I have carefully calculated that according to the proportion of domestic flight delays, this is not an insurance . Isn’t it financial management? What are we buying? It can turn 20 yuan into 200 with a 40% probability . Just based on the odds , budget airlines should be the most conscientious online gambling at present. If it weren’t for the limit that only allows me to buy 20 yuan, I would like to bet my salary and we will go all in. in (all required) This MN7386 from Shanghai to Shenzhen (purely fictitious) is really infuriating. When the rainy season comes, both sides start counting money. There is no disappointment about delays in the airport. Everyone sings outside the window and lets the heavy rain fall . You can’t rest once you get on the plane. There is no preparation for you to sleep on the plane . They will prepare a small table for you and then send a bunch of flight attendants to watch you and not let you use it. They put a sunshade for you and open it when you fall asleep . I finally fell asleep once. The flight attendant opened the sunshade for me and squatted down to ask if my husband needed an eye mask. I looked at the light outside the window and was so angry that I couldn’t speak. I felt that the grass radical in my heart suddenly started photosynthesis. I didn’t understand why they didn’t let me use this sunshade, so I went online to check their official statement. I didn’t think the reason was very convincing. They said it was so that I could see the engine at any time in the air to determine whether there was an abnormality and then decide whether to escape. Isn’t it a bit too trusting of my escape ability? If I really have this level, your plane would have no need to land. You just stop at the stations in the sky. The captain was flying the plane while shouting, “We’re almost in Shanghai, have you landed yet?” I saw that we were almost at our neighborhood, so I put on my small parachute to escape . I said, “Captain, look at the traffic light below. It’s green. Please stop there. ” But I think the more absurd thing about this matter is that the people sitting in the first class had their seats arranged in front of the wings of the plane. These people who should cherish their lives the most couldn’t see the engine abnormality even after opening the sun visors. Aren’t your lives more valuable ? Shouldn’t you keep a closer eye on them? They were all pointing at me. Of course, this idea is wrong, and I dare not say it in front of the flight attendant because their rules are there to protect us. I feel that when he saw me sleeping like that, he must have had some doubts in his mind. He might have said, “Sir, do you need an eye mask?” But in his mind, he was thinking, ” Open the sun visor. If you don’t, you’ll be fine.” Thank you. I’m Qiu Rui. Thank you. Qiu Rui. The countdown to locking the ticket is here. Applause to Qiu Rui. Qiu Rui, when you said out loud the flight number, Teacher Da and I looked at each other and said, “You’re really angry.” Yes, what happened that day? It was a fabricated story. We deliberately It was avoided. There was no such flight. Another problem was that the reason for opening the sunshade so that you could see the engine was a real reason, right? I checked it online and it was true. We saw it ourselves. What can we do ? Didn’t I give you my life the moment I got on the plane ? So , wasn’t it really angry? No, this matter is very strange. Every airline has its own explanation . When I was on a business trip in the United States before, the sunshade was closed the whole time. In the morning and evening, it was closed for takeoff and landing. Then I felt a little stuffy, so I opened a little gap and felt a little stuffy . It was not breathable . It was a little stuffy. It was okay for my eyes . I felt that my eyes were a little stuffy. I thought your plane could open the window. Open the window. There is a hole in the window , and then a straw comes out. It has been like this all the time. But I did observe the engine. Once, maybe late at night, when the engine was turned on, I don’t know why it kept flashing like an explosion. There was a red light. The red light was not a red light. You felt like there was a fire. I was very nervous and I told the flight attendant I asked her what was going on and she said they were filming Journey to the West and the clouds were full of light, which was scary. There was a really good part just now where the stewardess opened it and asked if they wanted a blindfold. In fact, it was all during this action that he paused
. He wrote a long paragraph that took about two or three minutes. I think it was a great text. Every time Qiu Rui performs, his angry state will inspire each of us to think and resonate with the unreasonable things I encounter in my life. I think this is Qiu Rui ‘s greatest contribution to every talk show . Every time Qiu Rui performs, he gets angry . He always… Stop there, and then everyone thinks like this and gets angry together . That point is very funny . Yes, I am still angry at Pudong Gate H because this is indeed something I can relate to. Pudong, Beijing Daxing , and Tianfu Airport , there is also the kind that you can see after you pass the security check. I have never boarded a plane there in my life. Have you noticed that thing is just a decoration, right? I have taken it hundreds and thousands of times, but I have never boarded a plane at the nearest gate. Fortunately, I have never boarded a plane when I got on the plane . I have thought of a solution. A suitcase with electric wheels. Wouldn’t it solve this problem if I sit on it ? But I later felt it was too embarrassing. Yes , there are many of them. Last time, a big sister wore a big The skirt floated directly over here. So, let’s give another round of applause to Qiu Rui for his exploration of life. Qiu Rui made me see my favorite look of Qiu Rui in previous seasons. He would wait for everyone to think that he was really hateful after cursing. Then there was that feeling that only Qiu Rui had that unique look. The last two to appear in this group’s confrontation are a manzai duo. In the first two stages, they have conquered the audience with their strength. Let’s applaud and welcome Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen to the manzai. Hello, everyone. I am Xu Haolun . Hello, everyone. I am Tan Xiangwen. Summer vacation is coming soon. I really want to take a spontaneous trip. I want to go on a trip. I’m about to board the plane. Heart, welcome aboard. Hello, welcome aboard. Hello , welcome aboard. Hello , welcome aboard. Hello , welcome aboard. This is the VIP channel. Wait a moment. Welcome aboard. Okay ,
welcome aboard. Okay , we can take off. Wait a moment, wait a moment, I haven’t gotten on yet . You can’t. The plane is full of VIPs, right? I also want to be a VIP . I want to be a VIP. Right, it ‘s not a poodle. You know , you’re a lunatic. You want to be a VIP. You chartered a plane alone . You still want to charter a plane alone. Yes, you experience the plane service alone. I’m alone. Welcome Mr. Tan aboard. Hello , hello , this is your seat . Okay , I’ll put your luggage on. Okay , put your bag on, and put you on too. I won’t go up. I’m fine here. I won’t go up. Just lie on the board, okay? Hello, Mr. Tan. Welcome aboard this flight. Our plane will take off after the safety demonstration in a moment. Okay , please wait a moment. No problem. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard this flight. In case of any emergency, your left hand will fall off. An oxygen mask. Your life jacket is right under your seat. Ladies and gentlemen (ladies and gentlemen) is on your left hand. What’s on my left hand ? What’s this accent ? Bilingual . Why can I understand both of them ? Why? I’m not thinking that there may be international friends. There is no need. I can just speak Chinese on this charter flight. Ladies and gentlemen, the next is an airplane broadcast . Meituan flash purchase will be delivered in 30 minutes. The next generation of shopping is still a business class. Mr. Tan, welcome aboard. Okay , if you encounter any emergency, please don’t panic. Please take a safe escape posture. It’s quite pious. Where is it safe here ? Hold your head with your hands, okay, it’s even uglier. You know , just take off quickly. Please wait a moment because you are a charter flight . I still want to introduce the crew members of this flight. No problem. I am the chief steward of this flight. This is Charry Pity (name) . Charry Pity is this week’s unveiling singer. Are you sick? The unveiling singer. Why is the unveiling singer coming to my plane ? He is not the unveiling singer . He is the singer . He is the singer . Who is not a star? I know he is calling him to get off, you know? I didn’t
call him to get off. I chartered a plane. Sorry, he don’t like you. Get out. Fasten your seat belt . We’re about to take off. Wait a moment . Would you like to sit next to me? This is a low-cost airline for us . It’s funny that they say they are a low-cost airline. We’re about to take off. We can take off. Wait a moment. Am I in first class or economy class? Who’s in the cockpit? Bro, this is scary . Aren’t you the chief flight attendant? I am also the captain of this flight. Because our crew is quite nervous , don’t be afraid. Okay , wait a moment . Calling the tower. Calling the tower. This is CS38664 (purely fictitious). Is there a signal for the flight? Okay, no signal. No signal. Who are you talking to? Big brother, why is there no signal? Big brother, there is a signal now. Don’t worry, there is a signal now. You must keep having the signal . There is a signal. Okay, we have completed all the preparations before takeoff and can take off. Yes , we are now on the national highway. We are on the national highway and are about to get on the highway. We are on the runway. We are now on the runway and can take off. Wait a minute, tower. Let me ask, there is a man in front of the right side of my plane. He is wearing a hat and a reflective vest and holding a red and blue stick . He is going to check me for drunk driving, not you. What kind of drunk driving? Big brother, that is a ground crew member shouting that you can fly at any time and be ready to take off. You can fly. Okay,
5 4 3 , launch the rocket, here 2 1 Do Re Mi , why are you sobbing? Fly the plane. Fly the plane. Why are you opening your voice? What are you singing here? If I don’t sing, it won’t fly. This is a voice-controlled plane. What does it mean ? The left and right of this plane can be controlled by the joystick . The height of its flight depends on the high and low sound you make . What kind of a design is this? Brother, it is designed like this . You’re flying so high. Now it ‘s two meters , two meters. Aren’t you still on the national highway? Brother, do n’t be afraid. We have a parachute . What’s the use of a parachute? What’s the use of a parachute at two meters? From a distance, it looks like a student jumping down with a schoolbag on his back. Don’t be anxious. He must be anxious. Do Rei , how do you usually fly? I don’t usually fly. Who is responsible for flying? Charry Pity (name) flies. Your singer who announces the result is responsible for the height of your flight . Otherwise, why should I call him over ? There’s no such thing. How can you fly if you drive him away ? Anyway, I can’t sing anymore. Why don’t you try it? I won’t try it.
If you can’t fly , there’s nothing you can do. Then fly one meter. Then don’t fly . Fly. I ‘m flying. That’s the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau . A little higher, a little more stable . A little shaky, a little more stable. Can it fly? It’s flying , it’s flying, it’s flying . Your plane can’t fly without me. It’s scary, you know? You really believed it just now . What do you mean? What do you want to do? How do you want it to fly? You can. It can fly through the tone. If you really can’t sing, I’ll pull the joystick. You will die if you pull the joystick directly. I don’t want you to put your hands on it for automatic driving. I only need to be responsible for takeoff and landing. It ‘s automatic driving now, right? Relax a little and it’s scary. The scenery is so So relax a little. Let me ask you something. I chartered a plane. There are only two of us on the plane . I know you want to act manzai with me. Let’s act it. Big brother, I want to have a cigarette. I want to smoke on the plane. A chartered plane must be different. If something happens, you will be responsible . You said you can’t smoke, so you do n’t smoke. Don’t you have any common sense? Why did I think that a chartered plane was different ? If I want to smoke, I will hold it in for a while before smoking. How can I smoke on a plane ? When the time comes, I will send you the airplane meal. I’m not hungry. I’m hungry. You sent it. Put your legs back. Two people are pushing a dining cart over here. What do you want to eat? There is a Chinese one and a Western one. The Chinese one is beef rice, and the Western one is beef. Rice (beef rice) There is no choice. Big brother, whatever , whatever, right? Okay , you’re crazy to start an open flame here , right? You might as well let me smoke a cigarette here, you know, you’re not hungry if you don’t eat, right? I don’t dare to know, right? I thought you were pushing a dining cart and a stove here. I remembered something here. What is it? Didn’t I do a security check for you before you got on the plane? I’ve already flown to the stratosphere to do the security check. It’s better than not doing it at all. You just started an open flame and it’s fine, big brother, what if there are other safety hazards? You need to do a routine inspection. Check where the suitcase is. Is this your suitcase? Combination lock. Guess it for me. I’ll tell you faster, okay? 3 3 1 2 3. There are quite a lot of things. Let me ask. What if you find out that you can’t bring the things? Throw them away. Otherwise, if you leave them on the plane, you will be responsible for any accidents. No short-sleeved slippers and socks. You don’t usually wear pants. You don’t wear pants, you know who doesn’t wear pants. You can’t say I don’t wear pants when you can’t find your pants, you know . The pants are here. I said the matches . Maybe I forgot to put them in my pocket. Then I will help you throw away the clothes . I threw them in the wrong way, you know, throw away the matches. Who lost the clothes? Brother threw them the wrong way, you know, throw away the matches. Throw a match, throw a match, light it up. Throw it. What are you doing ? It’s on fire . It ‘s on fire . Who’s on fire ? You’re going to put it out quickly . It’s getting even hotter. You know, here, your fire can’t be put out with ordinary water. Put it out quickly. No need to do anything. Burn it out. It’s okay. A few short-sleeved shirts. A few short-sleeved shirts. It’s okay. You don’t need them . Who doesn’t need them ? I’m going to Sanya. What should I wear if I don’t wear short-sleeved shirts? Where are you going , Sanya? Aren’t you going to Iceland? Who’s going to Iceland? Brother, I’m going to Sanya. My navigation guided me to Sanya. It’s okay . We’re all here to have fun. It’s okay. You have to understand the purpose of having fun. The important thing is the scenery along the way . What matters is not the final destination. The destination must be important. I went to Sanya, but you dragged me to Iceland. All I brought were short-sleeved shirts , and you burned them all. Here are two matches. What are the uses of matches? Brother, I have a few short-sleeved shirts in Iceland , which are much more useful than matches . Then why do you insist on going to Sanya ? Why do you insist on going? I was going to go anyway. Well, what are you really doing? I ‘ll add a way for you. If you can’t drive Didi Express, I’ll add a way here . You can think of a way. What is another way ? I ‘ll drive you there manually. Can you drive without leaving the automatic driving ? Of course, I’m the captain. Sit tight, do n’t Blocking my view of the rearview mirror. Where did the rearview mirror come from on the plane? Let me make it clear. What’s wrong ? Lend it to me for a moment. Okay ? You are nearsighted. Why don’t you wear glasses? I don’t look good in glasses. Is this a question of whether they look good or not? It ‘s unsafe. Let me make it clear. We will deviate from our route now. We may encounter other planes later. Don’t be nervous, do n’t talk about it. They have already flown over. They are very close. They are flying side by side. Here, quickly. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? Why are you panicking ? Don’t panic. It’s okay. Don’t worry. I tell you, we just need to keep our constant speed and don’t sway left and right. In this case, it is his sole responsibility if he crashes. It is his sole responsibility. The plane will be gone if it touches him. You treated my life as if it were your own, okay? I know. Hurry up and dodge to the left . Is it so difficult to dodge? Slow down. It’s okay. Don’t worry. Stretch your body and pull it here quickly. Okay ? Why do you go to Hunan first ? I go. If I do n’t go, okay? Who is going to Hunan? It has already landed . It has landed. Okay, I know. I won’t land. Okay , then what? Why go to Hunan? Who should be blamed? Who should be blamed? It’s your fault that you had to put that thing Charry before getting on the plane. Pity (name) hurry down, what’s wrong? Okay, tower, tell me something. I’m this week’s singer who unveils the list. Am I crazy? Thank you all . It has to be the other manzai. Strength lies in numbers. Xu Haolun, Tan Xiangwen. Countdown to locking tickets. Countdown to locking tickets. Let’s applaud again to the two of you. Thank you . What did you shoot? Teacher, I shot the singer who unveiled the list last. Of course I had to shoot it. I just put everything in. It was so fun. When they were singing “Qinghai-Tibet Plateau” in the middle, I thought this thing was okay or it was not fixed. But suddenly there came something that I thought was very, very interesting. Why did you think of putting these singers who unveiled the list in ? For them, anyway, this form can put anything in. Just add whatever you think of. Haven’t you been in there too? In our jokes , why don’t you open the door and see who is standing at the door? Who is it? Zhang Shaogang. Thank you , how did you make the parallel this time ? Don’t you say that every time you have to make a parallel with the last time? Last year in the third episode, it was driving , yes, it was driving, this time it was airplane, airplane, yes , it was so fun and so awesome. It was the reversed part after “Qinghai-Tibet Plateau”. You shot it right. That voice-controlled airplane is so The premise is ridiculous . All their performances will make people waver between reality, absurdity, absurdity and reality. So the biggest test for them is how high the absurdity can be . And there are many details in their performances. There are three places in it, which are like the call back before. When he talked about me burning up, he poured water on me and talked about the scenery along the way. These are some points that have been mentioned before. I personally like them very much because they are always very serious when talking about ridiculous things. I will believe him when he talked about Charry Pity (name). I asked which singer this is. He is not a non-existent person .
So I just took it into consideration. This is their special place. I like them very much. They are typical of those who have not performed their best in their own works , but have passed the line of clapping. They are the so-called top-notch players. I encouraged them. I have always had a dream that when I am on a plane, next time I press the light that calls the waiter, the waiter comes over and asks me , “Sir, what do you need? ” I say, “Give me your scream,” and then “Give me your scream.” Each plane can only take one person like this, and then the two of them are sitting in the helicopter, and it feels like because of the two of them , sometimes watching such absurd things can make you live a little braver, because life always tells you that there are many things you can’t do, right? Then after they break through these frameworks, they can feel that you can say that living is just living, so why can’t I be more interesting? What others think is absurd, I have done it, so I am myself I’m very happy. In fact, they can give me the courage to go a little further. I think this is good. I love life more. Great. Let’s give applause to you two again . Thank you. At the same time , not only Qiu Rui but also all the friends from the two teams are going to return to the scene. Come on, the Laughter Group got the same number of votes. Let’s take a look at their final votes. Qiu Rui is a veteran at first glance. He came very steadily. He also said the plane. We also said the plane . It feels that the difference in fate is not much. 10 points 290 (votes), right? In fact, it’s very close . There is only a difference of 10 votes. It ‘s really accurate. My sixth sense is super accurate. It shows that both groups performed very well. 279 (votes) 289 (votes) Ma Dashuai 748 (votes) Four Heavenly Kings 795 (votes) (Difference) 47 points We would like to congratulate the Four Heavenly Kings and three groups of actors for entering the next round.