李文因为英文名而感到羞耻，邱月阐述比赛想上厕所的憋尿经历！|【脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季】 #脱口秀和Ta的朋友们第二季 #Stand-up Comedy2
Hi, everyone. I’m Li Wen . I’m a third- year graduate student who’s about to graduate. I ‘m now doing an internship at a foreign company. This company is great and everything is great. The only bad thing is that everyone in that foreign company has to have an English name . I often feel ashamed because my English name is not niche enough , because my name is Bob (name). I got this name wholesale from my elementary school English teacher. My name is not the only one that’s so common. At that time, there were three brothers in our class named B : Bob (name), Billy (name), and Ben (name). It’s okay, but the name Bob (name) is too common. It makes your English level look very poor. My roommate’s dog is named Daniel (dog’s name). On the first day of work, three colleagues invited me to dinner. We sat down and started introducing ourselves . The person in the middle said, “Hi, my name is Jenkins (name), this is Angelina (name), and this is Isabel (name). I said the most exaggerated IELTS vocabulary is Isabel (name). She told me that you can also call me by my abbreviation Isa.” (name) I thought to myself, you still call yourself Isa (name) , then why don’t you just call yourself Isa (name)? Your Bel (name) was stolen by Lingna , and that was the first time I knew that English names could be abbreviated. The key is that after the abbreviation, there are still three letters. I only have three letters in total. I thought about it for a long time and said, “Then you can also call me Master Bao.” I think that’s what English names are like. It will give people a very strong first impression. I have a colleague whose name is Aldric (name). Friends, Aldric means ruler. The first time I saw this name on a list, I thought this person must be a very individual and very flamboyant person. Until one day our HR (human resources) came over and called out his name, Wang Zhigang. He said, “I think Wang Zhigang should not be called Aldric (name), Wang Zhigang should be called Ben (name) . So I never say my name in the company. I never say my name until one day I met a colleague who was very enthusiastic, very kind, and very proactive. He came up and greeted me. He said, “Hi, I’m Sam (name).” I said, “Sam (name) .” Damn (bad), Damn (bad), Sam (name), Bam (bang) , it can’t be SAM Sam (name), he said to me, I’m Bob (name), he said I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. The state of our two at that time was that Zhang Wei met Liu Gang and he was also very excited. He asked me if we had met somewhere before. I said yes, in Duolingo. Nowadays, everyone’s English names are complicated, and Chinese names are also complicated. They must be unique and not have the same name. The new generation of children ‘s Chinese names are getting more and more complicated . Two-character names are rare, three-character names are the main ones, and four -character names are also very common. I have also seen five-character names. I have seen a child’s Chinese name is Zhang Zhou Mu Yu Chen. When I saw it, I thought I had opened King of Glory. I feel that this name must be registered as a green card. Zhang Zhou Mu Yu Chen, it sounds like a code name . Hangzhou, Daniel Wu, Suzhou, Eddie Peng, Zhang Zhou Mu Yu Chen, and if you taste it carefully You will feel that this name is very much like a poem, like a five-character quatrain. I feel that in the future, when naming someone, you don’t need to look up the Xinhua Dictionary. Just look up “Three Hundred Tang Poems”. If you are surnamed Bai, you can call it “The Sun Rises by the Mountain”. If you are surnamed Huang, you can call it “The Yellow River Flows into the Sea”. If you are surnamed Tang, you can just call it “Three Hundred Tang Poems”. Later, the teacher walked into the classroom and said on the podium: “When the sun is at noon, I hoe the fields and sweat drips on the soil. Who knows that every grain of rice on the plate is the result of hard work ? The four of you come to my office . So sometimes, if someone suddenly says five words , don’t be too surprised. He may just be calling his friend. Tomato is a treasure. You can’t go wrong with Qiehuang . Each barrel uses about one Sunshine Tomato. Qiehuang is the best friend of the talk show. Now, these names are not only complicated to spell, but also have connotations. I knew a high school student friend before. She came up to introduce her name to me. She said Hello, my name is Zhou Yihuan, and then she recited two lines of poetry that I couldn’t understand at all. She said Yi means the virtue of the Han Emperor, and Yihuan means the beauty of tranquility and gracefulness in the world. I said, “What a good poem! ” She said, “Then what’s your name? ” I said, “My name is Li Wen, the Li in Li Bai means uneducated Wen . ” I think it’s not the name that makes you unique , but you should make this name unique. Just like there are many people named Li Bai in this world, Li Bai One, Li Bai Two, Li Bai Three, Li Bai Four, Li Bai Five, Li Bai Six. I only like Li Bai Six, and I hate Li Bai One the most . But some names will become very different because of one person. You will feel that if you are called this name, your life will change. For example, if your name is Murong Yunhai, you will feel that your life is determined. When you go to college, you will make friends. When I get together with three friends , I will have a domestic sports car. When I smile, my teeth are particularly white. When I see a girl I like, I will say hello. So I always think that it’s okay to have an ordinary name, right? It’s okay to have the same name as others. I often have the same name as others. I will only be very happy if I have the same name as others. I said, “You are also called Li Wen. I am used to names like ours. If you take the four names of Li Wen, Zhang Wei, Wang Qiang and Liu Gang , they can fill up an entire district in Shanghai. We can call it the district of having the same names . After understanding this principle, I will boldly say my own name. I also say my English name casually. Some time ago, my mother asked me about me and asked me, “You graduated recently, how is your work?” I said, “It’s pretty good. I ‘m doing an internship and working in sales.” My mother hates people who work in sales the most. She said, “You are a graduate student, and you are working in sales and selling classes. ” I said that the salesperson (Mike) is my leader. I am Bob. Thank you all. Come and say goodbye here . Bob (name). Li Wen’s ticket lock channel is open. Bob (name). He is awesome . Li Wen, as always, is talking about very simple , very simple , very simple things in life. Right, because of Bob (name), right? It should be Jingzhong Bob. Great , Jingzhong Bob. In fact, Li Wen’s strength lies in his simplicity and cuteness . He has dug up a small thing for you for a long, long time , and then extended it into a large world. Li Wen, let me ask you, because in your previous creation, in the first two rounds, there were Teacher Zhu and Uncle Liu, but why didn’t you continue and talk about telling a person’s story in the third stage? Because in fact, the live performance in the previous stage may have felt a little bit of a failure, and then I was thinking whether I could try a different style on this stage. I thought, if I leave this stage this round, then I will be on this stage. I haven’t tried anything else on stage , so I want to try some different styles. It’s good on this stage , but we miss Teacher Zhu, right? I hope he will come back soon next time. Forget Teacher Zhu. I don’t know how people choose English names . When we first came into contact with English and couldn’t even speak sentences, the teacher would ask you to choose your own English name. I remember the first name I pointed to. I asked how to pronounce this one . The first one I chose was Jacqueline (name). Why did you point to that one? At that time, because I thought it was very long, maybe it was very special or something, but actually you didn’t know how to pronounce it, so I said no to this one and changed to another one. I pointed to another one called Barbara (name) . So if I had chosen this name at that time, my English name today might be Barbara Lee (name). Barbara Lee (name), you know that Barbara (name) gives people the impression of an older woman . You just said that the name Bob (name) is too short and seems uncultured. Is that your true thought? Yes , but you are a third-year graduate student. Why is that? Because Bob (name) is actually a nickname of Robert (name) . So when Isabel (name) asked you to call her Isa (name), wasn’t it also a nickname? Isn’t her Isa (name) also short? If you mind that Bob (name) is short, why not just call you Robert (name)? Because Bob (name) is a nickname of Robert (name) . In fact, I only found out that Bob (name) is the abbreviation of Robert (name) when I was writing this joke . I didn’t know it before, so this emotion is indeed It was a real emotion , but later I knew about it, so I didn’t change the name. I think it’s very good. Does Mr. Luo have an English name? People in our generation don’t make up English names for themselves. The teacher will just give you one. What’s your name? Mr. Luo ’s is very old-fashioned, even more old-fashioned than Barbara (name). Let me say , it ’s Paul . Paul is Paul (name). That PAUL is very awkward because our classmates are Jiang David and Chen John, which sounds quite foreign. My last name is Luo , so calling me Luo Paul sounds silly. Luo Paul is also a good name, cute and down-to-earth. Mr. Zhang Shaogang, what’s your name? I don’t have you. It’s impossible for me not to have you. How can such a sexy person not be sexy? It’s okay. At that time, they asked for an email address or something, because my name is Zhang Shaogang , so I used the Latin spelling of Shaogang and Latin , and then I used Sogo (name) Sogo (name). What’s your English name? My name is WoWkie (name). WoWkie (name) is a person I saw saying nonsense, which means WoWkie. Then I thought it sounded very nice. Is it English? It’s not a random spelling . It’s a random spelling . Teacher Sandi, as a screenwriter, what do you think of his text? He thought of another joke at the end, but he didn’t use it . Can we listen to it? See how bad it is. It’s not bad, it’s too abstract. I’ll show you a complicated name. Of course, there are disadvantages , but sometimes it can actually save your life. For example, if you accidentally meet the Silver Horn King on the road one day and he asks you what’s your name, you just throw your ID card on him. On his face, you ask, what’s your name? Actually, my name is not Li Wen. My real name is very complicated, but I won’t tell you today because I don’t know if anyone here is the Silver Horn King. Very good , very good, so the screenwriter teacher is very important. Thank you teachers for not asking him to talk about this . Let’s give applause again to Li Wen who has always been brave enough to try and share simple happiness. Li Wen is about to play against this friend who usually gives people a very cool and heroic feeling , but today she wants to change her track. Come on, sister, go deep into your heart and share with us about her embarrassment . Let’s applaud and welcome Qiu Yue. Hello, I am Qiu Yue. Thank you. When I was young, my family set up a stall to sell fruits and never lacked fruits to eat. Eat what is bad. Your body will never lack vitamins or aflatoxin. My mother would cut off the rotten parts of these fruits and mix them with various fruits to make a fruit plate for me to take to school. I usually choose to share the fresh fruits with my classmates in the morning because they will become rotten in the afternoon. In fact, this is not the most annoying thing. What annoys me is that every time I pay tuition, I once went to my mother’s stall to ask for money. My mother took out one or five yuan in change from her pocket and put them into six bundles of 600 yuan and put them in my schoolbag. You know, no one noticed my classmates’ 600 yuan, and my 600 yuan was very eye-catching. At the same time , the bulging bulge in my schoolbag The teacher asked me if I wanted to blow up the school. I said here is the money. He said you want to buy the school. And you know the change that has been passed through so many hands? It is so smelly . My classmates said to me , although Qiu Yue’s family is very poor , they still have some stinky money. After I arrived at the school, the teacher asked us to take out the money. After I opened the money, I really looked at the money and my heart broke into pieces. The teacher asked us to take out the money and write our names in pencil on the lower right corner of the money. The classmates had finished writing. I had just finished spreading the money and the classmates handed in 600 yuan . I still had more than 500 yuan left to write. The teacher was anxious. I asked him what he was doing. He walked up to me reluctantly and saw that the teacher believed me and I didn’t need to write. He began to collect my money. He couldn’t take my money. There was so much money that he couldn’t hold it with both hands. I could tell from his expression that he had never seen so much money before. He went back to the podium and began to count. He counted all the classmates’ money and put them aside in a pile. It was not as thick as these six piles. He began to count my money, one, two, three, four, five, six, and then he came across a five, seven, eight, nine, ten, and eleven. The teacher was a Chinese teacher. You think it’s hard to count more than 600 yuan in change at once . Either one more or one less. The teacher got anxious when she counted . I counted to The class was over. The teacher was very angry and pointed at me and said, “It’s because of you that you delayed the whole class.” I felt very upset at that time, but my classmates were very happy. He said, ” I can’t fall asleep even if I count sheep or 100 at home. I fell asleep when the teacher counted six yuan.” They all asked, ” Teacher, can you still count for a whole class? ” In fact, I knew in my heart that it was my fault. I knew that from then on, I was very careful in everything I did. I was afraid of wasting other people’s time and delaying others. I made a mistake in the last stage. Before the stage, I drank a bottle of functional drink. You may not know that functional drinks are very diuretic. I was sitting in the middle of the second floor at that time . I was sitting there and I really couldn’t stand it. Every now and then I would stand up. Every time an actor came on or off the stage, I would stand up. They thought I was unconvinced and wanted to stand up for them. At this time , I would talk to my (reality show ) microphone and I would say I needed to go to the bathroom. Could someone send someone to pick me up? I said, “Give me a chance, give me a chance.” After a long time, no one paid attention to me, so I talked to the actor behind me and said I needed to go to the bathroom . He said he wanted to go too, but he saw my expression and laughed, and I knew that his thoughts were not the same as mine . My friends were really uncomfortable . I had no choice but to hold on to my pants tightly and pull my pants forward. But that day I was wearing the same style as Sister Lang, with diamonds on both sides . It was very beautiful. When I was wearing it, I said I must take good care of it . As a result, I picked out six diamonds on the spot. I had no choice. I couldn’t control it, you know, I couldn’t control it. I noticed that my pants were colored. I was thinking, “It’s denim blue. If it gets wet, can it be seen? ” And according to the rules of our competition at the time , I could be picked up on stage at any time. I thought, ” Who should I PK with if I get on stage ?” “Can I still PK like this?” At this time, I would talk to my (reality show) Mai said , “If I can’t do it in a while, can you just take a photo of my upper body? ” I also observed the four mentors at that time. I was wondering why nothing happened after more than three hours. There were more than 260 audience members and more than 40 actors on the scene. How could they hold on except me? I competed with myself and said at that time that I must hold on, I can hold on, why can’t I hold on? I held on until the seventh actor, Jia Hao, came on stage. At that time, teacher Meng Chuan told me that Jia Hao would definitely have a break in this scene . I placed all my hopes on him at that time . When he came on stage, I shouted “full votes” , but as I shouted, it turned into a toilet. He advanced to the next round with a high vote. I shouted, I went to the bathroom, really, so I started to get ready, right at the entrance on the second floor, I started to get ready to go out, I said , come on, make way for me, at that time I thought the host would shout, ” We’re taking a break,” but he shouted, ” Please welcome the next actor .” I collapsed at that time, I was desperate, friends, I was desperate, I started to observe the height of my building from the ground , I started to ask the actor next to me , “Come on, see how high it is ,” I wanted to jump down, he said, “No, it’s too dangerous, ” I said, “You don’t know how dangerous I am now. ” I said to Brother Chuan next to me, “Brother Chuan, I can’t do it anymore, I might have to pee here, ” Brother Chuan said Now? I used to believe in an old saying : Can a living person die from holding his urine? I held it like that, but I didn’t go on. I was afraid of crossing the stage. I was afraid of affecting others . I was afraid of wasting everyone’s time. I began to hate myself. I remembered the scenes when I was a child and didn’t dare to raise my hand to go to the toilet again and again. I really hate myself. The bench I was sitting on, I hate myself. Why is it a bench and not a toilet? I looked at the hole in the bench that I dug, and I thought how nice it would be if the hole was bigger. I tell you, people will have hallucinations when they have no choice. I felt like I was already walking towards the toilet. I was walking towards the toilet. Have you ever had that kind of dream when you were a child , the kind of dream about looking for a toilet? It’s a good thing I couldn’t find my dream , but it would be troublesome if I found it. I found it right away. At that time, I heard someone next to me calling him, “Qiu Yue, I want to go to the bathroom too . Let’s go together .” I saw that it was Zhang Jun. When he said “together”, I wanted to elope with him. He asked me to go down the stairs . I went down the stairs. At this time , someone from the director team saw me and took me to the bathroom. I really didn’t dare to run all the way. I didn’t dare to run because I was afraid of falling. If I fell, I would explode. I thought this matter was over and no one was affected. Then the director said to me that day, “Your expression was so strange that day. Do you think what they said was not funny? I’m here.” I have to explain that people’s ears will go deaf when they are in a hurry . I think they must be very funny. It’s just that I was peeing the whole time . But today I am not afraid of wasting everyone’s time because after the last time, I know what the most important thing in a competition is. The most important thing is to release yourself to the fullest . OK, thank you everyone. I am Qiu Yue. Thank you all for coming to Qiu Yue’s ticket lock countdown. I think it’s very good, but I have been looking forward to the later one . That is , there will be another way to pee. It was the same when I was recording the program before. I didn’t dare to tell anyone. At that time, I was wearing those headphones and recording in Beijing. You know, don’t Beijingers swallow words when they speak? I asked the director, the director asked what I was doing. I said pee, and he said hello to me. He said pee, pee, hello , not hello, but pee, hello. So , then I thought about my matter at that time. I said that if I surpassed my joke, it should be enough, but I didn’t surpass it. I think there should be a particularly explosive point, so I didn’t shoot the light, but I think the process is very cute. I care that everyone has encountered this kind of thing, but let’s not encounter the real explosion . I don’t dare to ask anyone. It’s okay. You can continue to talk about yours. Why do I want to ask so much? Teacher Chunchun, have you ever exploded? Do you really want to tell me? I remember I should be in the first grade of elementary school. I have a serious fear of teachers . I didn’t dare to raise my hand or say I wanted to go to the toilet , and I held it in for the whole morning . Then when I got home, I had actually reached my limit. I had held it in for the whole morning , and it was about to explode as she just said. I couldn’t go upstairs anymore, but my grandma lived on the third floor at that time and I couldn’t go up by myself , so I desperately shouted to her downstairs, saying grandma, please pick me up, I couldn’t go upstairs because there was a dog on the second floor . For various reasons , in the end you let it out and told grandma that it was okay, just bring a pair of pants and come over. I actually think this story is very interesting , but I feel a little hesitant today because Qiu Yue was very, very good last time. Today I feel that she might be a little anxious or something. There were some things in the middle of her that I couldn’t hear clearly. I felt like I was swallowing words and it was just passing by . I was very sensitive and didn’t hear clearly. We felt a little unconfident, right? Originally, it was a little embarrassing because I’m an adult in my 30s , but it was really uncomfortable last time. I beg you to go to the toilet and hold it in for a while longer, don’t pee in your pants, and then I had stomachache for 3 days after I went back. I was wondering if it was necessary to do this, but because of my personality, I can’t do it. It is very difficult for me to tell everyone about this in public , so I want to talk about it because I will also encounter this kind of thing when I grow up. I will really pee outside. There were no people or girls on the construction site before, and there was only one girl. She would not use the toilet alone because of the girl, so I peed my pants. Then I thought that the workers could see me, what should I do, so I found a water truck and asked the truck to spray me until I was wet. That kind of situation would happen, so it was very embarrassing . I felt very distressed when I listened to the whole process, and I could empathize with you because my personality is the same as yours . I am afraid of trouble, and most importantly, I am afraid of attracting others. Unnecessary attention is when others are working and I suddenly say I need to go to the bathroom. I feel pressured . Later I figured it out and I would rather hold it in. So when you said that just now, I felt very distressed. This is one point . The first part is very mature, but the latter part may be too stream-of-consciousness. But there is no text polishing like a talk show. It is not refined enough. But I personally think that the flaws do not outweigh the merits because I can empathize with people . So I was very happy but also very distressed to finish listening, so I clapped the light. Thank you, but I think Qiu Yue gave us a very good hint. I decided to speak after the first group of three-on-three confrontation is over. Now? Aren’t there two more people in the audience? After the first group of three-on-three competitions, I decided to let everyone go to the bathroom . Thank you, thank you Qiu Yue, thank you Li Wen. Let’s go back to the stage and see how many votes they finally got. Li Wen 278 (votes) Qiu Yue 239 (votes)