离职后花50假装上班，公司全员CEO 两个乔布斯三个巴菲特，贪婪的人享受世界而幻想公平的人在挨饿 |【脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季】#脱口秀和Ta的朋友们第二季 #Stand-up Comedy2
Hello, friends from all walks of life. I’m very happy. I’m Jiye. Last year , more people got to know me. Our school named me a famous alumnus. My photo has been hung in the corridor of the teaching building. Newton and I are hanging in a row . The entertainment industry has made it to the academic circle. Once you become famous, you will feel very proud. After seeing the bright lights and wine in the entertainment industry, I don’t want the five social insurances and one housing fund of the company. I really want to quit. It just so happens that the company is preparing to lay off employees. I deserve to be laid off. In our department, if we have to compare who is the worst, I am definitely the best. Moreover, I have been in the company for three years, and the compensation is not small. My workstation is going to be demolished. Our team leader said in the department group that the company is going to lay off employees . Everyone, be prepared. Be prepared, buddy, newbie I have replaced my phone and am waiting for the company to issue me a compensation. Then someone will ask me what to do with the old phone? Let’s go out for a walk. After waiting for two days, our team leader called me to the meeting room and said that he had decided to lay off himself. Can you still lay off yourself ? Do you have so much power? The witch poisoned herself and the judge sued himself. I was waiting to be beheaded on the execution ground. The executioner suddenly said that I would not live either. Later I learned that he had wanted to leave a long time ago and was waiting for the demolition. The reason he laid off himself was that he did not take good care of me. But the only thing I know is that his compensation must be more because I accidentally caught a glimpse of his monitor. The bastard had already started looking at the car. That old car should be a joke. In the end, I didn’t wait. When N+1 (compensation) came , I resigned voluntarily, which was equivalent to leaving the house with nothing. It was also the first time I experienced such a cliff-like resignation and I couldn’t get out of it. I missed the time of slacking off in the company. I missed the company’s toilet. I could go there 8 times a day. I actually have two workstations in the company, one for office and one for going to the toilet. That toilet has witnessed me too much. The first time I became the king was in that toilet. I even had an interview in the toilet. I also miss the computer that has been with me for three years. I use it for work and for quarrels. The keyboard is a little malfunctioning, especially the S and B keys. Don’t get me wrong . I sent messages to Sam (name) and Bob (name) . I really want to go to work. My previous Jokes are written while working. You know, if you don’t work, there will be no jokes. I searched for a long time but I didn’t find a job. I was watching short videos and saw a company called Pretend to Work. Have you heard of it? It has a conference room and a workstation. You can sit there for a whole day for 50 yuan. I wanted to find some negative emotions to save materials . I fell in love with it. I have never seen such a happy workplace . You don’t need to punch in when you go to work. On the first day I went there, I subconsciously asked where we punch in. The boss said what kind of punching card, if you really want to punch in, you can go to Dianping.com . Most of them are people who have just lost their jobs. I found that those of us who don’t have jobs still have the inertia of rolling around when we are together . There is no real Quality work can only be done in some inexplicable places. For example, positions can be freely chosen, but everyone wants to be a CEO (Chief Executive Officer). Once you enter the company, everyone is a CEO (Chief Executive Officer). I think this company can’t fit so many EOs (positions). The naming is also complicated. People will imitate those big Internet companies and randomly name them. In fact, our company now has two Jobs and three Buffetts . Everyone is a little bit into the Office script-killing. There is a big sister who just lost her job. We call her Mingzhu because she is closest to the air conditioner. There is a big brother who owes a lot of debts and wants to start a business but has no money. He has been wasting time here. I said, just call you Yonghao Kere After a lot of noise, at noon we asked Sister Mingzhu to turn down the air conditioner. Then I had lunch with the three Buffetts . After lunch, Yonghao asked everyone if they wanted to make friends . And you know, in order to make everyone’s experience more immersive, the company also made pay slips for everyone, but they didn’t give them out. It was purely for emotional value. At the beginning, they all paid 20,000 yuan, and then someone was not satisfied. Why should I give 30,000 yuan for 20,000 yuan? He started to roll again. To be honest, my monthly salary is now 300 million yuan, and this is just the internship salary. Now it has become our entertainment project. When I see that pay slip, I am afraid. How long will we have to count 300 million yuan? Even going to the grave is not so radical. When I see that pay slip, I tell the truth I understand the words of rich people. Money is just a string of numbers to me . I am not interested in money. You can guess my nickname. Just call me Xiao Ma. We will get together and talk about the reasons why everyone came here. How did you get in? How did you get in? It feels like you are in prison. What law did you break? I broke the labor law. The reason why everyone came here is also quite outrageous. Jobs disagreed with his boss and stole his boss’s fortune tree home in anger . This is the first time I have seen this form of occupational embezzlement, pure embezzlement of plants. Sister Mingzhu was a victim of telecommunications fraud. She transferred more than 30,000 yuan to the scammer. I asked why they fired her, and she said that she left. It ‘s a loan from the company. I also have Buffett No. 1 who didn’t have a job . He used to trade stocks at home full-time. Later, in order to deceive his family to come here to pay for trading stocks, he lost money every day. He lost more than 40,000 a day. In order to comfort him, we crowdfunded and gave him 100 million. Usually , we all gathered in that conference room to watch movies. Our favorite movie is “Avengers”. I feel that we are quite similar. I think Marvel’s movies have become uglier and uglier in the past two years. They just didn’t shoot the right things . You just shoot our unemployed league. Other heroes want to fight the Boss when they see him, but when we see the Boss, we all say, “Are you hiring directly?” We were so excited that we even wanted to go home and watch while drinking. Then someone will ask what kind of wine was drunk (Old Village Chief Wine). You understand comedy, it must be the national liquor, Old Village Chief, a real pure grain wine that tastes good and does not make you drunk , making life happier. Regardless of whether you can join the company, I will first do an implant. I stayed there for a month and then left. Then I went back last week to write a joke. When I went back, I found that Mingzhu and Yonghao had left and only Buffett was left. Buffett No. 1 left in a very undignified way. His wife chased him to the company. His wife thought he was cheating and asked why he spent so much money every day. What was the name of that woman? A-share. At that time, I looked at the empty workstation and felt a little sad, but then I thought it was good for everyone to leave. I think it must be Yes, there are changes. But it is also possible that they cannot afford to pay 50 yuan. But I hope that they have all found new jobs. Okay, thank you everyone. I am Jiye. I wish you all happiness every day. Thank you everyone. Thank you. The ticket lock channel begins. Applause again for Jiye. Thank you everyone. Thank you Jiye. Have you ever thought about doing a full-time talk show after quitting your job ? Actually, I thought about it . After I quit my job , I did a full-time talk show for a while, but then I found that I was not used to it. The main reason for my discomfort is that after working for four or five years, you find that your DNA (genes) already has the gene of getting up at 8 o’clock in the morning. That is, I will get up at 8 o’clock in the morning , no matter what , for example, sometimes I am recording or No matter what other jobs I do, I record until one or two in the evening . I still wake up at eight in the morning. I always have the biological clock to go to work . And mainly, I need material to write jokes. If I don’t go to work, I will be too happy at home every day. I am happy and not in pain. Yes, I can’t find any inspiration. I thought
about it and tried it. After trying it, I think it ‘s better to go to work. I have tried many ways. The reason why I didn’t shoot today is because of what happened to Jiye. The more he talked, the less he believed it. This is right . When I came up, I felt that I didn’t build it up. What I actually wanted in my heart was for everyone to cheer. Then I didn’t do it well. Then I pretended to go to work. Is the company real? Is it really in the north? In a building in Yizhuang, Beijing , there are buildings in that building , but the logo of pretending to work is very obvious . You feel that this building is pretending to work. Yes , it is very obvious. Then I went there and actually used it as a study room. I think the rhythm is not very good, but the work is still very interesting, so I think San Deng might be better. Yes, I didn’t go in at the beginning, and I made a mistake at the beginning , so he became less and less confident as he talked, and I felt collapsed. The book is actually very good . Lu Yu Jiye himself is very capable. It is actually a reverse workplace content. I think it is very interesting. And the ending at the end. Can you change the ending? It’s a little sad. I think you said you wanted them to be gone after I went there. Is there anyone who can’t even pay 50 yuan? I’ll wait for you to give it to me again . Let me break it down again. I understand. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s that difficult. But it was indeed my real feeling when I went there that day because I sat there for two or three hours and no one came in again . It was a little bit , but it was such an environment. In fact, what I wanted to say may not have been expressed clearly . In this paragraph, I want to say that everyone is actually helping each other here. People will come and we will even recommend our previous companies to each other. It feels a bit like recycling, but I want to help everyone get out. Although we know that this is a transition in the middle , I think the latter is actually my real feeling at the moment. I want to say one more thing because you have to understand that this is the whole big atmosphere. Everyone will be able to empathize with it. The more you empathize, the more you have to break it down. OK, I understand . Okay. Jiye will take a short rest in the waiting area. In the first round of the three-team showdown, the last friend to perform has let us know her A side and B side as a wife and a mother in the previous performance. Today, she wants us to know her no problem, very chic side. Applause, welcome Xiaoxue . Hello, my name is Xiaoxue. Hello, friends on the second floor. I am a middle-aged sister from Beijing and a mother of two children. But today I will not talk about my middle age , but about my youth. When I was young, I was very free and easy. I have been to Tibet three times and climbed to the base camp of Mount Everest. The first time I went to Tibet, I took a plane directly to go there quickly . Many people have altitude sickness when they go to Tibet , but I didn’t have any reaction at all. I woke up only after pinching my Ren Zhong . I had experience the second time, that is, don’t breathe oxygen. If you keep breathing oxygen, your brain will never adapt to the plateau. I just endured it. I was in Tibet and endured it until the third day, then I took a plane. The third time I went back, I was more experienced. You can’t go alone anymore, so I told my mom , “Mom , please accompany me to Tibet. ” My mom said, “I’m over 60. Should I accompany you to Tibet or be “buried with you”? My dad was in the room shouting, ” What time is it? Why haven’t you made me dinner yet?” ” Bring me my beer? Have you found my half sock? ” My mom said, “Let’s go to Tibet quickly.” The third time I told you, I had altitude sickness before we even left the airport, but my mom was very supportive at this time. She carried the luggage in one hand and supported me with the other hand as we moved forward. She also gave me such warm greetings. My mom said, “You’re so immoral. After taking care of the old at home , you come out to take care of the young. I’ll take care of your whole family.” Anyway, it sounded very warm. With my mother’s care, I recovered quickly. Then we found another and successfully got together with two fellow travelers. The first one was a big brother who was very burly. As soon as he got in the car, he told us that he wanted to go to Mount Everest , and then he fell down. The second one was a big sister who was very plump and very enthusiastic. She said to us, “Just call me Fat Sister.” This shows my friendliness . I won’t be polite with you. I’m here to travel on a budget. I won’t eat with you on a AA (share the cost). I just tried a bite of the dishes you ordered, but as soon as my dish came, the big sister said, “Xiaoxue, let me try a bite, let me try a bite. ” I said, “Big sister, please leave me one bite .” What ‘s more annoying is yet to come. There was a section of our road where we encountered a mudslide, which washed away the road. In this case, don’t panic. Master Zang is an experienced driver. He changed the route and we quickly got lost. In this case, don’t panic. If you get lost , just go back, right? Soon our car was stuck in the mud. In this case, don’t panic and call for help. As soon as we called, we found that none of our cell phones had any signal. We had mistakenly entered an uninhabited area. In this case, you can panic. I was really panicked and didn’t know what to do at that time , but the big brother who was traveling with me in the car was very calm. He said, “It’s just you few women, don’t be afraid, I’ll protect you. ” After that, the big brother fell down again. You see, Master Zang looked at our car full of old, weak and sick people . Master Zang made a bold decision. He said he would walk back to find Tibetans for help. I didn’t trust him, and I said, “Are you coming back? Master Zang said he will definitely come back here. It ‘s true. I was very moved when I heard this. It was the first time I was so eager for a man to come back to me quickly. Master Zang also said firmly that the car was my life. When Master Zang didn’t come back the next day, I simply walked around in the no-man’s land. I tell you, it was really a wasteland. A lot of the ground was covered with the skeletons of animals. Fortunately, my mother was with me and gave me warm greetings. My mother said, “I lack morality.” I said, “Mom, look how good it is. Life is a wilderness. ” My mother said, “Who are you lying to? Where is your mother?” We also faced a more serious problem that day . There was not much food in the car and the supply was seriously insufficient. It was good to bring the elders with us at this time . My mother took out four pieces of Wafers My mother said this was my contribution and we shouldn’t touch them and save them for the last moment when we couldn’t stand it anymore. We were all very moved. Even the fat sister said to my mother firmly, “Auntie, I couldn’t stand it anymore , so I ate one at that time. You see what this is called, this is called greedy people enjoy the world first , while those who fantasize about fairness are still starving .” When it was dark , I really looked out the window nervously because I had seen too many animal skeletons during the day and I was afraid of what if a wild beast really came. But I also comforted myself and said, “Don’t be afraid. ” If a wild beast comes , it will definitely eat the fat sister first. If the wild beast doesn’t come, then we will eat the fat sister. She took a bite as a joke and found that my mother was also looking out the window quietly at this time, so I asked my mother , “Mom, what are you thinking about?” My mother said something she had never said in her life, “ I miss your dad.” We waited until the third day, from dawn to dark , Master Zang hadn’t come back yet. At that moment, I really felt that I was finished. Have you ever had that moment when you felt that you really couldn’t get through that level, just this level ? Just when I was most desperate, a light suddenly lit up from the darkness, and then the more More and more lights came on. Master Zang led the Tibetans to come. The moment I saw them, I really felt that I fell in love with them. How much did I love them? I wanted to marry every Tibetan equally . The Tibetans rescued us with great difficulty and didn’t ask for a penny. You see, the person I didn’t trust before was the one who saved me in the end. The person I trusted before was the two hikers in my car. Later I learned that the three wafers in our car disappeared. Do you know who did it? The fat sister thought that the big sister raised her hand. Let me see. You see, the prejudice in people’s hearts is the big brother. The fat sister complained that when she wanted to cheat, it was gone. I was very angry at the time. I told my mother, ” Mom, you see, this is the selfishness of human nature. ” My mother said, “Don’t be angry, child. There are still 30 wafers in my bag . ” So human nature is selfish , but maternal love is great. After coming out of the no-man’s land, you thought I survived . I tell you that the real life and death crisis is waiting for me. Where should I go? I want to go to Mount Everest . But our car continued to drive up and I found that my head hurt more and more. The altitude increased from 4300 (meters) 4500 (meters) 4700 (meters) I had altitude sickness for the second time. We were about to reach the Everest Base Camp at an altitude of 5200 (meters). I couldn’t stand up. But at that time, I said to myself, “Xiaoxue, you must not fall down again. If you fall down again, I will be at the airport again. I asked my mother to support me and said, “Let’s keep going up. This is called my mother supporting me . I have been walking on the snow to the top of the mountain. I am so weak, but I still insist on going up. Even the hikers around me Everyone exclaimed and said it was amazing. The old lady was amazing. Someone came over and asked my mother , ” Auntie , how much do you charge for carrying the weight once ?” Then I fainted. I heard from fellow hikers who came later that it was my mother who carried me back to the tent at the base camp and waited for me all night and asked after me all night. Many fellow hikers also advised my mother , “Auntie, please stop scolding me , because your daughter might be a little bit dead. ” But the next morning , when the other hikers in the tent had not woken up, I was the first one to open my eyes. At that moment, I felt so relaxed. In fact, I completely got over my altitude sickness at that moment. I walked to the door of the tent and a ray of sunlight hit my body. I was emitting that golden edge. A fellow hiker saw me and quickly called my mother , “Auntie, hurry up , your daughter might be gone.” After I recovered, I was at an altitude of 5,200 (meters) and I had no problem running and jumping . Who would have thought that two days ago I’m still in the no man’s land, I’m desperate about life and death. Now I look at the snow-capped mountains and glaciers. I can’t be a sister who rides the wind and waves, but I can be the Snow Sister of the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau. The trip to Mount Everest has taught me a truth until now, which is persistence. Look at me now. I’m middle-aged and I have two children. No matter how hard it is , I persist . I persist in bringing my mother with me. I can’t climb to the top of Mount Everest, but I continue to climb the mountain of my own life. Really, you should also keep climbing up. Don’t be afraid of anything. What you once thought was despair is now a scenery when you look back. I am Xiaoxue . Applause for Xiaoxue. Xiaoxue ‘s countdown to locking the ticket. Applause again for Xiaoxue. Xiaoxue talked about being a wife in the first round and being a mother in the second round. But when you reached the third round, you suddenly made a change of subject matter that was completely unexpected. Why? I just want to think that actually this woman has… Because she has… She doesn’t necessarily say that once I become a mother, I will always be involved in trivial matters. And I think this is what I want to express more because it contains the support of two generations of women. This is one aspect I want to talk about more. Because the joke at the beginning is okay, but at the beginning, there was no reaction because you were there for three days. This experience was really unforgettable. It is said that if you get lost in Tibet, you have to wait for a lama there because a lama came from the south with two kilograms of pagoda in his hand. Is this true? So you have to wait there for three days without any food . You
are very confused and waiting for that person to come back . Yes, there is food, but everyone is trying to save as much as possible because everyone eats their own food and no one cares about anyone else. So my mother took out the wafer and said, “Let’s just leave it here and don’t touch it.” It’s to let everyone have such a collective consciousness. We have to have something in common. You don’t know when he will come back. Understand, okay? I think it’s just that she remembered these three days so vividly that she felt she had to talk about it. Let’s give Xiaoxue another round of applause . We now invite all four actors who have performed before to come to the stage. This is the first three-person group battle. Let me emphasize our rules again. The sum of the scores of the three people in the three-person group battle will determine the team’s stay or departure. The three people in the team with the higher score will all advance , and the three people with the lower score will enter the waiting area . Let’s first take a look at the votes that Jiye and Xiaoxue received respectively. They are so low, so 240 (votes) and 218 (votes) were eliminated . No, Wenzi, Dezi, and Yezi, your total votes are 807 votes , and Hua Mulan has 702 votes. Now we want to congratulate Wenzi, Dezi, and Yezi for entering the next stage.