鼻毛的’恶心’演讲，小块：想要拓展喜剧的边界！|【脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季】 #脱口秀和Ta的朋友们第二季 #Stand-up Comedy2
Hi everyone, I’m Xiaokuai. I’m 39 years old. People at this age often have a feeling that time is passing slower and slower. A while ago, I went to play basketball . I was so tired after playing for two hours that I walked out and looked at the watch. Only 15 minutes had passed. I felt so embarrassed at the time and wanted to dunk a rebound to save face. Some post-00s on the court were shocked because they have played basketball for so many years and have never seen a comminuted fracture. And recently, I have really realized that middle-aged people like us are actually hard to like because I attended a class reunion a while ago and I found that many male classmates have started to grow nose hairs. I don’t know if you have seen male When the nose hair grows out, it feels like he suddenly becomes very attractive because when you are face to face with him, all eyes will be attracted by his nose hair and you can’t see anything else. Really, I wanted to distract my attention at the first time. It’s impossible . No one can ignore the nose hair in the room. And I observed carefully for a while and found that nose hair is like OOTD (outfit of the day). In fact, there are many styles . One classmate’s style is more exotic because he only shows one or two hairs. This style is called showing a little bit . It’s boring. There is another style that is very optimistic because of his nose hair. He is happy. You can watch the Smiling Assassin , but what shocked me the most that day was our squad leader. His nose hair looked very cultured because you always felt that he had two brush tips covered with ink in his nostrils. You know there are pig hair and wolf hair brushes. It was the first time I saw human hair brushes. This was the “Haojie” among people. It was really because the scene was so shocking. He said a lot to me that day, but I didn’t hear a word. I kept staring at him until the end, which made me forget the social etiquette and couldn’t help asking, ” Why are your nose hairs so long? ” My buddy replied with two words that overturned my outlook on life. He said, “Is he handsome ?” “Friends, I can accept his pointing.” He held my nose and cursed, saying, “It’s none of your business, but is he handsome? I really can’t accept it. This is a bit of a challenge to the bottom line of human civilization. ” I said, “Who told you he’s handsome? ” He said, “How do you define handsome ? ” This question stumped me. At that time, I felt that my nose hairs were short and my knowledge was short. Then I used my remaining sanity to make a final struggle . I said, “But no one has ever defined nose hairs as handsome.” He said, ” It has always been like this, right?” I went deeper. At this time, I saw that his nose hairs were a bit like Lu Xun’s two mustaches. But you know when people are speechless, their first reaction is definitely not to admit their mistakes, but to change the angle and continue to attack. I said, “But your nose hairs… How dirty it is because it is so long. He said that nose hair is the first line of defense of the respiratory system and can effectively block 60% of the dust and bacteria in the air. Now these things have been inhaled by you. What right do you have to say that I am dirty? I really didn’t expect that I lost both aesthetically and scientifically. That night I went home and reflected for a long time and felt that what I did was really wrong. Because nose hair is different from eyelashes only in the place of birth. Theoretically, this is considered regional discrimination. I can imagine that one day when eyelashes touch nose hair, they will definitely look disgusted and say it is still foreign hair. So I went to him the next day to apologize to him. He cut his nose hair and it was obvious that he did not use a professional nose. He used a nail clipper to trim his nose hair because his nose hair used to have two tips but now it has two sides. I said if you want to trim it, just trim it cleanly. Why do you have to leave two sides? He said don’t you think a man looks like he has two brushes like this? Don’t you think it’s something? I just finished writing this joke a while ago and during an open mic audition, after I got off the stage, a male actor told me not to tell this nose hair joke anymore because it’s too disgusting. I asked him how he defined disgusting as. Later he told me that if this joke makes people feel uncomfortable, you can’t tell it. I don’t understand this logic. Why can’t you tell it if it makes people feel uncomfortable? When I was a kid, I would tell math class. I felt uncomfortable and I have never told the teacher that today’s trigonometric function is a bit disgusting. Let me do a two-person transformation to change the taste. It is impossible, right? And he told me not to quibble. He said that all the female audiences at the recording site today would not vote for you when they heard you say the word “nose hair”. I said, why do you assume that the acceptance level of female audiences is not as good as that of male audiences? You are judging sisters by your own mean heart, right? He told me that even if the audience accepts this thing, you will definitely be scolded if you put it on the Internet . Then he sent my manuscript to AI (artificial intelligence) and asked it to use the darkest logic to DeepSeek (artificial intelligence assistant) and summarized several public opinion risks for me. The first one is that calligraphy is an intangible cultural heritage and said that I discredited traditional culture. It might be a Japanese. The second one is that it simulated a staff member in the environmental protection department and said that there is not so much dust and bacteria in our air. The third one is that this joke can easily cause diplomatic disputes because there are many people named Louis in foreign countries . After reading it, he also asked me if I was afraid this time. I said that this AI (artificial intelligence) is not a real person , but if it is not a real person, a real person will not do this. DeepSeek (deep thinking) He told me that if you insist on talking about this on the show, you have to consider the overall situation. Because he said that if you talk about this, people will think that talk shows are vulgar. To be honest, I really didn’t think that talk shows are something high-end. I tell you , I even think that some of the characteristics of talk shows are like nose hairs in the art world. If you think about it carefully, they all have some sharp things that can easily attract other people’s attention. It will also make some people feel offended , but it is also easy to be edited out. My good buddy heard it and said, ” That’s right , just wait for it to be edited out quickly. Then you will be the nose hair of the talk show. I tell you, if you use this segment on the show, you will definitely be eliminated. I don’t know what you think. Anyway , I have prepared a speech for elimination. It’s a pity that I didn’t advance today, but hello to the audience who laughed. Your life will have 7 minutes less disgust and 7 minutes more happiness. This is the meaning of expanding the boundaries of comedy. Friends who didn’t laugh, hello too. Although you don’t want to admit it , we are actually the same kind of people. We all have our own persistence in comedy , but you have seen the results. Sometimes persistence does not necessarily lead to good results. Many people told me that it was very stupid for me to choose this very risky manuscript, but I want to ask everyone , is it cool to choose to persist even though you know you will fail ? Cool (very cool). Okay, thank you everyone. I’m Xiaokuai, here for the countdown to Xiaokuai’s vote lock. Why did I choose this topic in this show ? You are a nose hair. I have been thinking about it for a long time. It’s really like this because I actually prefer to write this kind of jokes. This is the current genre in China. It seems not quite right . Well, that’s not right, because this is actually a very niche track. You are the only one on this track, okay? What should this track be called? A small piece, a small handful. What track is a small handful of sewers ? Mr. Luo is extremely concerned about nose hairs. We have experienced many stories about nose hairs in our lives. For example
, just to take “Summer of the Band”, when Mr. Wang Feng sang the climax of being intoxicated , a close-up shot came over and two tufts of big nose hairs were exposed. That was your beloved Mr. Wang Feng, so I originally thought it would be fun to talk about small pieces, but I think you are a reborn person and your performance is very good. Respect (admiration) Thank you. And because of the nose hair issue , it’s not just about middle age. In fact, there are nose hairs in childhood . When we were young, we always plucked our noses . We always plucked our noses . Then, so , but today when we talked about it today, he suddenly talked about something like cutting off . There were a lot of puns and they were very clever. From the perspective of regional discrimination,
there were already many wonderful places. He always said that someone asked him that person, and that person was himself, and then That person must have kept asking himself how he thought about this thing. Some people must find it disgusting. How would you deal with this matter? He kept asking if that person was you. That person was a lot of people because many friends told me that it was very risky to talk about this. In fact, it was like saying that nose hair is essentially a thinking game. In fact, you can be bolder. The last half of your story is very comprehensive. You have blocked every possible problem. For you, from DeepSeek (artificial intelligence assistant) , yes , that’s it. So I felt that he was still ignited. I don’t know why as a listener, I would think OK at this time , and then I didn’t shoot it, because I think that this thing itself is less acceptable to people. I just want everyone to know that I didn’t just say it without considering anything. I also thought deeply about it . Deepseek (deep thinking) and then said it because it was too deep. I wanted to show such a thinking process. In fact, I really want to hear how our screenwriter teacher evaluates it. I don’t know that I may have listened to too many talk shows . I just wanted to listen to something different. It seems that the more you listen to talk shows , the heavier the taste becomes, and the more details you see. Right ? Then I think Brother Kuai is indeed playing a certain mind game as Mr. Luo said , which is to take a very detailed thing and raise it to a height that it shouldn’t have. It feels like watching “I Love My Family”. I don’t know why, but it feels like someone in it feels like Mr. Liang Tian in the show is anxious. He is not only trying to persuade , but he is also anxious. He has used all kinds of methods, such as persuading with kind words , insulting, scolding, appealing to reason, and persuading with emotion. They have tried all kinds of methods. I advised him not to talk about nose hair. The first half of one of them made me feel very uncomfortable, but the latter part was quite funny . You also accept his reasoning. He later forced the nose hair thing to have value. His angle is also very novel. I really want to take a picture of this light because it is very boring , but I think a person who can enjoy boredom and find happiness in boredom is the best spirit of a person’s life. This is the “Haojie” among people. Applause to Xiao Kuai , but we should also watch Xiao Kuai’s performance. Our laughter group is two lights and 20 (tickets) , so he should accept the challenge. Now we’re going to start the countdown for grabbing the microphone in the spear group . Let’s stand together. Come on. I choose Han Dagou because Han Dagou said before that if I win the championship of the show this year, he will give me his club. So I think I can choose him. He said so, right? Applause to welcome Han Dagou. Friends on the first and second floors, hello. I’m Han Dagou. I ‘ve been waiting for several years to be on the show for the first time this year. I’m very excited. In order to look good on camera, I’ve been losing weight and taking care of my skin. Of course, I’ve also shaved my nose hair. Anyway, I don’t believe that humor is a man’s medical beauty. My weight loss rhythm in the past two years was very regular. I started losing weight after signing up for the show in January every year. I was notified in May that I couldn’t be on the show, so I started overeating. This cycle repeats every year . I’m a greedy person, so I really want to find a shortcut to lose weight. E-commerce platforms always push advertisements for low-calorie snacks that I can eat during the weight loss period. I ‘m greedy. Here’s one. Each one has less calories than an apple. Have you ever seen spicy strips made of yam, tripe made of konjac , and even beef jerky made of chicken breast? I ordered them all. Now I eat more than before I lost weight. My daily snacks are about 37 apples. Doctors dare not stay away from me. I have new gimmicks every year. I haven’t finished the previous one when the merchant recommended me to buy the next one. What was popular before? Oats, quinoa, buckwheat, and whole wheat. Anyway, they sold them all to me. They made a whole-wheat biscuit in the shape of sticks. The advertising copy said that when you are hungry, just take it out and grind your teeth. It sounds very suitable for Han Da Gou. I ate it for a month and successfully lost the weight of three teeth. What anti-inflammatory and anti-aging superfoods are popular now ? Harvard University has conducted a net study on weight loss. You can hardly find these foods in China, such as avocado, chia seeds , and kale. They sound like Pokémon evolution . They even recommended a whole grain from Africa called couscous. I also had Pika, Pikachu, and thought of going to Africa to find food. Do you think Africans are thin because they eat these? Wouldn’t they rather starve than eat these? I have eaten kale before , and it’s not cheap. It’s the same as eating green belts . Later I checked and found that kale was introduced to China in the early days as an ornamental potted plant. Then I went to the park to eat unlimited amounts and directly asked the gardener where it grew tall. I went to take a few bites. Merchants like to create false needs for us . The more you want to be lazy, the more things you buy, and the more trouble you have to take care of your skin. They don’t let you be lazy. I feel that the so-called essence There are more pitfalls in skin care than on my face . I want to learn skin care seriously. I searched for men’s skin care on the Internet and saw a video. He said that there are five steps for men to simplify skin care . After simplifying, there are still five steps. He thinks highly of us men. We only have one step, which is to splash water on our faces. Most boys are very rough. They don’t need to brush their teeth when washing their faces . They can even use no mouthwash cup. It can be said that they don’t wash with things, but with their own cups. Those skin care steps are also very complicated for me. First wash your face, then wipe your face dry with a face towel, and then apply toner on your face. I said that it’s redundant for me to wipe your face dry and just moisturize. This step is also divided into two products, lotion and cream . I don’t know what the difference is. It ‘s the same as the two talk shows. Maybe both shows think that they are creams with less water. Just washing the face. The marketing of this product is also full of various stereotypes. I feel that men’s faces may be the most difficult thing in the world to clean. Men’s facial cleansers are all focused on strong cleaning. It feels that they can not only be used as facial cleansers, but also as shower gels and toilet cleaners. It’s rare to see men’s facial cleansers that are not black. What kind of activated carbon is directly used? Isn’t this used to remove formaldehyde? And the most The classic volcanic mud makes me feel like I have Thanos on my face. Now my prejudice against face washing is a volcano. I feel that men’s facial cleansers are not produced , but mined. Next, we need to explore space. No wonder Musk wants to go to Mars so much, just to find the next raw material for men’s facial cleanser to get rid of greasiness. Musk said electric cars are easy to make and American men have to have dignity. But I don’t understand why women’s facial cleansers are more expensive. I even saw a women’s facial cleanser extracted from rice essence , not couscous rice , and it has to be used with their brown rice water. It sells for 300 yuan. A set of men’s facial cleanser volcanic mud is 29.9 yuan, free shipping. This is the scheme of capital. I opened “Das Kapital” and saw that Marx said that when capital came to the world, blood and dirty things flowed in every pore. Capital said that in this case, it is easy to clog the pores, so I recommend this deep cleansing facial cleanser. Thank you everyone, I am Han Dagou . Thank you. Let ‘s give applause to Han Dagou again. At the same time, let’s invite Xiaokuai back to the stage. The number of votes for Xiaokuai and Han Dagou is 232 for Xiaokuai. Congratulations to Xiaokuai for advancing to the next round . Dagou needs to continue waiting in the pending area