徐浩伦 谭湘文健康演绎，脱口秀玩出了二人转 爆笑不断！|【脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季】 #脱口秀和Ta的朋友们第二季 #Stand-up Comedy2
Thank you, everyone . Hello, everyone. I am Xu Haolun . Hello, everyone. I am Tan Xiangwen. As a young person, I always feel that I am in good health, not quite good. But a physical examination shows that I have minor problems . There is a problem. Recently, there is a small health class. I have a trial class . Let’s go and simulate it. I want to experience it once . Come to the class. Come to the trial class. Yes, yes , yes, leave your name for me. Tan Xiangwen, Tan Xiangwen, ok, find a place to sit for a while. Okay , sorry, I ‘ll be in a bit. Since it’s a class, I’ll call the roll as usual before class. Tan Xiangwen ,
everyone is here. What name should I call? Here, I thought there were a lot of people here. Since it’s a class, I’m your teacher. Let me make a simple self-introduction to facilitate communication among everyone . You can call me Xu Hao. Hello, Mr. Lun Xu. I look more or less like this. Why did you draw yourself? Big brother, you are standing here. You will die if you write your name. Since this is your first time to attend my class, let me make it clear to you that I have only lived for the word “health” in my life. You can see some medals of honor related to my health on the wall. What are they? My health practitioner qualification certificate, nutritionist qualification certificate , and my marriage certificate? What can the marriage certificate prove? Big brother, can it prove that I have a healthy marriage ? You told Cheng Lu not to tell me this, right? Did you buy my formal course during the trial class ? Let me experience it first. You have to buy it when you come up because I can see what’s wrong with you at a glance. What ‘s wrong with me? Did you stay up late last night? No, no , no, no, why are there bloodshot eyes? Did you stay up late? Did you stay up late? Did you stay up late? Did you stay up late? Did you stay up late? Is there something wrong with you ? You are Gong Linna. You stayed up late. Why are you so happy ? Stay up late? What time did you go to bed here? Four or five o’clock What time do you go to bed at 4 or 5? You get up at 8 or 9 ? You only sleep for a short time . What should you do if you feel sleepy during the day? Find a place to make up for the sleep at noon. How can this work? If you don’t sleep at night, you can make up for the sleep at noon if you have time . If you don’t have time, don’t sleep. I tell you that if you want to be healthy, you must resolutely put an end to this behavior of sneaking in and missing sleep. This is called sneaking in and missing sleep. This is called escalating too fast. Originally, I just had a problem with my sleeping time, but now it has escalated to my character . Do you have another problem? I have scoliosis, right ? You can see it. How did you see it? I tell you that many of a person’s minor illnesses and pains can be seen through the facial reaction. Look at the face. The face is determined by the heart. What is our mutual generation ? Crosstalk , brother. We are manzai, you know it, don’t worry about what art form it is. I didn’t talk to you about art form. I’m not saying that I can see that your spine is crooked, I can see that there is a problem with your posture. You see, you have the symptom of forward neck tilt.
Generally, people with this symptom will have some scoliosis , do you know? Come here and relax you a little. Adjust it. You see, this position is called Huiwu point. Huiwu point is opposite to the temple. The temple is the death point. Don’t press it so hard. What should I do? I will straighten your bones and relax you a little. It doesn’t hurt, does it? It doesn’t hurt, but there is some sound. Okay, are you ready? What ‘s this sound? Brother, I have a good sense of rhythm. Here , that means you still have some musical cells. What musical cells? Brother, do you have any more formal treatments? I touched it and you still have a lot of problems. You see, your trapezius muscle is tight and stiff. Relax. I have an electrotherapy device here. It is mainly for relieving your fatigue. The electrotherapy device relaxes your muscles. Take this in your hand. Take this in your hand. What is this? This is the neutral wire and the live wire . Open the switch. Wait, don’t open the switch yet. Is this electrotherapy or electric punishment? You will know if it works after the electric shock. It definitely doesn’t work. Brother , who uses neutral wire and live wire for electrotherapy? Brother, this is part of the conditioning. This is external conditioning, external conditioning , and internal conditioning, internal consumption , that is, eating. You see why I am so healthy and why I am so energetic. Because I eat well. Well, you only eat fruits from Xinjiang, only eat vegetables from Yunnan , only eat imported cigarettes, and only smoke cigarettes that cost more than 40 yuan. You live a good life. You are still here. You have a high quality of life. How can you still smoke here ? Why can I be your teacher ? Why? Let me tell you clearly. Other teachers tell you what to eat. I tell you what not to eat. Why dogs can’t eat chocolate is none of my business. I don’t want to know what dogs can’t eat. I want to know what I can’t eat . You can’t eat dogs. I don’t eat dogs anyway, you know. I tell you that if you want to be healthy, I tell you that if you want to have a good complexion and no dark circles, remember three things when you go back. What are apples, apples, bananas , photon rejuvenation , what is photon rejuvenation, what is photon rejuvenation? I’m asking you, brother, you eat well. A project has come. What’s going on? Instead of asking me, you might as well ask the ancients. Look, there are records in ancient books that say that food is the first necessity of the people . There is such a sentence in “The Analects of Confucius”. At the age of fifteen, I set my heart on learning. For you, as a man, thirty is the age of independence. At forty , you are free from doubts. At fifty, you know your destiny. At the age of 60, you are almost gone . Who else left at the age of 60? Why should I leave at the age of 60 ? The book of life and death in your hand says 60, also known as the age of snails and the age of sixty. Are you crazy? You are the one who mixed up the clam noodles with the snail noodles, right? You are here. Clam noodles are seafood. Snails are from Guangxi. I know they are from Guangxi. Anyway, 60 is the age of sixty . 60 is the age of sixty, right, right , 70 is the age of seventy. 80 what what? 90 what what what? You look at it and you don’t know what’s written on it . 8 0 is also called the age of 80. What does the age of 80 mean ? 80 should be a Hunan dialect. It means that if you don’t take good care of your body until you are 80 years old, you will be useless. You will be useless, you know. Your whole family will be crazy . How can you talk like this? Which book contains the Analects? Which Analects? What is the quote from Xu Haolun that you memorized? Okay, okay, I know you don’t need to get too excited. You must think I’m a liar now . I think you’re crazy, you know. You haven’t seen my work experience. What work experience do you have? Look at the wall. Not only is my honor on it, but there is also a photo. You see Su Bingtian . Why is there no Su Bingtian? Because I used to be his personal health nutritionist and I taught him one-on-one. And let me make it clear to you that Su Bingtian was not called Su Bingtian before. What was his name? He was called Su Bing, so how could he be called Su Bingtian ? Because I added the nutrition to him . Is there something wrong with you? You are Yao Ming, don’t you know? Yao Ming, can you help Yao Ming? He was only one meter tall before. You fart here. How is it possible? I have Yao Ming here. How could he be only one meter tall ? I have a photo here. You just patted his legs, so he must be only one meter tall. Big brother , you didn’t just pat his legs. He only had legs and no upper body before . Ghosts are coming, you know. His upper body was adjusted by you. He told me in person. He didn’t even have a mouth. How could he tell you in person? Okay, don’t be anxious . You didn’t do that. Now you won’t believe anything I say without evidence. My trust has collapsed. You know , you are like this. If you really don’t believe me, I don’t believe it at all. I can invite a patient who has been adjusted before. You two can communicate with each other. There is no need.
Then you will know how great I am. Trust has collapsed. Don’t do this. Don’t invite those. Are you sure this has been adjusted ? Hello Good boy, hello . Hello, everyone. Hello, four judges. You are quite polite. I am an old lady from Xiangxi, Hunan. Hello, grandma , you can call me Yu Gaobi. Yu Gaobi, yes, you have removed all the radicals of Xu Haolun, right? Thank you, everyone. It may make me look a little old. Many people ask me how old I am this year. How old am I, grandma. I am 88 this year, 64. That is totally wrong, you know? Eighty-eight is sixty-four, grandma, this is still a multiplication. I am especially grateful to Teacher Xu. Thank you
for coming here for only one purpose. What is the purpose? Because before I met Teacher Xu, I had many bad habits and some unhealthy addictions. Yes , grandma, I usually like to smoke. I do n’t smoke. I don’t smoke. I usually like to drink. What does grandma like to do? She likes to sing karaoke in the villa. She sings karaoke in the villa. There are also silver dragon fish in the pool. You know, you are quite trendy. I am here for only one purpose , which is to share my real experience with everyone and talk to everyone. Because in June last year, I went to the hospital for a physical examination. The doctor said that I might need to hurry up. Otherwise, you may not make it through next year. This is quite serious. After a year of treatment by Teacher Xu , today is the first anniversary of my death. You are crazy. You have been treated so hard that you are talking nonsense. Ken Qia Na (It’s okay) . Ken Qia Na (It’s okay). Grandma, don’t scare me, okay, grandma , don’t do this, okay, grandma, don’t sing the phone ringing. Sing it here . I ’m in class here . I’ll talk to you later . Why did I come here? Just one sentence. In a word, I want to tell you young people that you can’t have it all. You see, you want a healthy body , but
you don’t want to give up those unhealthy lifestyle habits. I know that many young people can’t listen to me even though I’ve told you so much. Don’t young people like that? There is a golden sentence. Grandma also brought a golden sentence. Good prince consort, come closer and take a closer look. Which Peking Opera brother? Thank you all. 290 (tickets) or more. The ticket lock channel for Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen is open. Another round of applause to the two of you. The inspiration for this segment comes from Yao Ming , who was only one meter tall before. What is this joke ? Didn’t we say it was a physical examination before ? Then we thought of this upward flip joke . It was last year. It was not the first time we came here. Then each segment told a different story . In fact, we wanted to see if we could turn it into a series. Last year, it was about a physical examination . This time, it is about what you would do if you find something wrong . It is written at the end. Last year, the first time was renting a house, the second time was a physical examination . The first round was housekeeping, and the second round was this. I mean, I pushed myself to the limit. After all, I was an actor in the Spring Festival Gala. Is n’t that amazing ? Congratulations . I ’m waiting for you to wish me a happy new year in 2026. Thank you . No, you were filmed when Yao Ming was one meter tall. Anyway, I had already filmed it before . There were a lot of inexplicable jokes between them. I really like it when Yao Ming was one meter tall. You started to smash the lights. I had already smashed the lights. I thought it was very good because there were a lot of jokes between the two of them. I really want to act with them. I especially want to add to the jokes in the middle. There is also one What is the paragraph? A person has only an upper body but no lower body. Yao Ming has only a lower body but no upper body, only two legs. Isn’t that a π? I really like you two. Then there are two of them. Sometimes many performances are like that. When two people work together , 1+1 is greater than 2. I think no matter how they perform , the sum of the two of them is equal to 1 , which is equal to a very complete one . Yes, when watching their performances, I often wonder what you two are doing. It’s always like this. The point is not what they are doing. As you watch, you will ask yourself, what am I doing and why am I laughing. Teacher Zhang Shaogang is a Normal people’s views. Normal people watch “Psycho” performances like this. They watch “Psycho” performances and say they’re going to get sick together. I really don’t have much to say. Every time they come, I’m full of expectations, but they never disappoint you. Yes , yes, never. So I’m all in this light. My curiosity is that you two now have your own new names on the stage. After that, for example, besides talk shows , will you think of other things , such as acting or other ways of performing ? Will you try them? This is what I’m particularly curious about. Yes, if there’s work, we’ll take it. For us, we have to see whether others are willing to accept our way of performing. Of course, we’re willing to do anything now. I just hope that there are directors in the film and television industry who can see these two rough gems. They have this open attitude. I think it’s great. I especially want to hear from our screenwriter teacher, Mr. Haiyuan, what do you think of their performances? They are both very creative. At the same time, their performances are so vivid. They don’t need to use a sense of belief to perform for you to believe . They just act naturally. I act here and then you believe it. I was thinking about a lot of jokes just now. I would find them funny if they said them, but I might not laugh if someone else said them. For example, what Mi , then Su Bingtian, why is it that their performance brought us in? As you said, that ‘s right. So I said that even if you think rationally that you don’t want to be brought in by them , their attraction is too strong, a bit like a black hole , that is, you are taken away by them. I think that if someone else plays this script, it may not be effective. Or the performance is too strong. It ‘s very, very rare. Thank you again. Only those with more than 290 (votes) can directly enter the promotion zone. Let’s take a look. After the performance of Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen , the number of votes they received was more than 290 (votes). They definitely entered directly. It’s so strict. They still need to start the mic grabbing , so I want to see the countdown for the spear camp to grab the mic. It ‘s too scary. Who is standing here again? It’s really coming . Seven (Seven) can work all year round. It’s great. Under pressure, Seven (Seven) can tell me the reason. This is what I did today. My goal today is that I want to play against the strongest . But I’m not saying that I want to win anything by competing with someone , but I think competing with a strong person can make myself better. I understand. If you want to pick, pick the strongest . Take a break and leave the stage to Seven (Seven). Applause, welcome Seven (Seven). Hello everyone, I am Seven (Seven) let me introduce myself. In fact, many people thought I could perform manzai because they always thought I had a partner named Eleven (Eleven). We went up and said hello, everyone. We are a convenience store manzai group . I am Seven (Seven) and I am Eleven (Eleven). We are the whole family. Don’t be nervous for me. Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen are very good. I have a job in a state-owned enterprise , but don’t be too envious of my friends. Young people like me working in such a company are actually very humble. I have no autonomy and I am often sent by my leaders to participate in those messy activities. Some time ago, I was even sent by our leader to participate in our company’s blind date party , but it was not a good thing . What does our company’s internal blind date party mean ? You have the opportunity to turn your colleague into your lover. It’s a group with no sense of boundaries. Every day, I just say goodbye to my colleagues and go home to see my lover again. I really don’t want to go. I think it’s an awkward setting. My leader asked me to be a stand-in and to balance the number of people. I really feel it’s quite awkward. We had to play some very awkward ice-breaking games first . Our group didn’t introduce ourselves yet and started grabbing stools. I said I didn’t want to play. I played it when I was squeezed into the subway this morning. I really don’t want to play, but young employees like us I was also responsible for livening up the atmosphere and pleasing some leaders present . However, it was difficult to liven up the atmosphere by grabbing stools because normal people and colleagues are more humble and will not really grab them. Fortunately, we had a colleague with excessive hormone secretion who really wanted to win. I called him Brother Chaoxiong. He was really a bit Chaoxiong . Normal people would just follow the music and then sit down when the music stopped. Grab stools like this. There is no Chaoxiong. Walking like a patrolling toilet is really a grab. But he was grabbing the stool and didn’t sit on it, so I sat on the toilet. I don’t think that there should be no competition in this matter . I just simply and objectively think that such competition in this matter will not help today’s event. Friends, maybe you still remember that this is a blind date event . What’s the use of you winning the stool grabbing, right? No female colleague would say after seeing his heroic performance, “Oh my God, he is the big butt king, I want to fall in love with him , right? ” You won’t be like that. I really don’t understand this guy’s train of thought. It seems that the butt determines the brain. He only learned the middle word , which is sticking out his ass. I have no interest in grabbing stools. Friends, to be honest, the most important thing for me now is to regain my dignity in the company. This is a very practical problem . Young people will have a practical problem when they go to work, that is, many people will not respect you when you are young. I was working on a project before. I had a very good chat with the client online. He said that I was very professional and listened to everything I said . After he found out that I was young, he pretended not to hear me. We were in the same conference room. He asked how long the project would take. I said 30 days. Mr. Wang, then a wonderful thing happened. The moment I finished this sentence, Mr. Wang became deaf and he didn’t respond. He asked again , how many days. I thought he was old and couldn’t hear clearly. I was about to raise the volume when the bald colleague next to me repeated it again, 30 days. Mr. Wang said that’s fine, I understood at that time. It’s not that he can’t hear clearly because of his age, but he can only hear the older ones. My colleague is the same age as me, he just has a Mediterranean look. Customers trust them very much. It seems that they just like to listen to the older people talk. They don’t even need you to be really old or look old. As a colleague, I don’t have to think about how to speak well. Customers think that old sayings are good. But there is nothing I can do. I am now forced to make a living. It is very difficult to find a job in Shanghai. I can only learn the skills to connect with these middle-aged customers. I found that as long as I pretend to be the same as them, they will be willing to communicate with me. Simply put, you can’t be too young at work. You have to have that kind of sense of being on top. When you come up, don’t say hello, Mr. Wang, I’m Xiaoqi. Don’t be so immature and naive. You will sound like a child. No one will listen to you. The first sound you should make when you enter this meeting room should be just this one. After that, the customer will think that you are at least 5 years older. Then see the teacup inside? Don’t drink it. How many years older can you look by blowing it? I have even started to change my outfit. Maybe I’m wearing more casual clothes today to record the show, but I usually dress in the company. The dress code is ice silk short-sleeved shirts, but if you don’t have ice silk short-sleeved shirts, young friends, don’t be discouraged. You don’t have Meituan flash purchase. There are 30 minutes for you to become the oldest person in the company. Let’s go shopping on Meituan . But just knowing these is not enough. In addition to these, I even learned some classic dialogue segments, such as reminiscing about my past. Although I am not as young as I was back then , I am starting from zero frame now. After the meeting at noon, the client asked me what I wanted to eat. Before I could finish half of my words, he said , “Teacher Qi, you are so useful today .” I never thought that I would spend so much time and energy on research in order to look old, but I don’t want to pretend to be old recently because I found that these things can only deceive the kind of customers you meet for the first or second time, and the people in the company who know that you are young. Should they respect you or not? There is a colleague in our company who is much older than me. We usually call him Brother Chaoxiong. He is the one. Every time I have a meeting with him, he will ask me to make tea for everyone in the room. I don’t like making tea. I spent more than ten years studying for a master’s degree in computer science. I didn’t go to work to make tea for him, but now I am him. As long as he asks me to make tea for him, I will make him the strongest tea in the world. I keep him awake and hope that when he opens his eyes and looks at the sky at night , I can understand that what he drank at noon today was not black tea. I am a stubborn person. I have made up my mind. Next time he asks me to make tea for him, I will stuff the tea brick into his mouth . Although I may be fired and cannot get N+1 (compensation) , my colleagues all praise me for N+B (awesome). But these are actually my fantasies . I am still a relatively weak person. Now I can only refuse him in a tactful way. But for me, it is also progress. A few days ago, he asked me to make tea for him again and said to me, “Seven, come on, stand up and make tea for us.” I said, “Brother, I won’t stand up because I’m afraid you will grab my stool. I’m done. Thank you and bye .” Seven’s ticket locking channel is open. I think Seven’s performance is actually quite stable , but maybe like what the few people just said about the workplace, maybe everyone’s appetite has been whetted. It seems that every aspect of the workplace and every angle that can be thought of has been explained very well. Maybe from the perspective of Seven (Seven), I would wonder if their performance is because you are young or because they think that being young represents a lack of rights. The latter, I think I am actually very anxious. I was thinking whether I should write one because I also have a lot of content in my life. I usually have content reserves. I just feel that because of my age, I feel that this is the most obvious dilemma I am in at the moment. Since my dilemma is like this, I think I should just talk about this. I think it is very good because first of all, it is not easy to fight with the shield and spear of the comic brothers. The spear is not easy. So is the ice silk short sleeve to reflect a kind of calmness? Yes, it reflects coolness. It is mainly Seven (Seven). How old are you this year ? The first time I met Seven (Seven) , I thought he was the same age as Hu Lan. At that time, many friends said that he was the little Hu Lan, but I didn’t understand. He should not be younger than Hu Lan. I think he is the same age as Hu Lan, like 1989. The first time I met Seven (Seven), the first feeling was that he was my peer, just about the same age because he wore The plaid shirts that he wore made him look older. I thought it was not easy for middle-aged people. I thought he should be around 30, early 30s. Later, one day when we were having dinner together, he said he was born in 1999. I asked him if he was older or younger than me. I was very nervous because I was also born in 1999. I said if he was younger than me, I would be shocked. Seven, how old are you this year? I was 26 when I was born in 1999. I was 26, and he was 26 when he was born in 1999. Then Seven had the courage to challenge Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen . The two of them returned to the stage. After the performances of Xu Haolun, Tan Xiangwen and Seven were over, we saw that the number of votes they received was not low. Seven had a high number. Seven had a very high number. It was great. Seven. Xu Haolun and Tan Xiangwen successfully advanced.