原来吵架是真的能吵出感情的！关于我和代驾互骂了三条街的故事！|【脱口秀和Ta的朋友们 第二季】 #脱口秀和Ta的朋友们第二季 #Stand-up Comedy2
The first person to come on stage is here for the second time this year. He has a strange and cute temperament. He has a strange observation of life. Applause, please welcome Li Mengjie. Come on, Li Mengjie. Hello, everyone. My name is Li Mengjie. In real life, I have a strong sense of justice, but my ability to argue is extremely weak. I have never won an argument with anyone. My friend doesn’t understand me at all. He said, “Why do you always argue with others and you can’t win ? Do you like being scolded? You pervert? ” The last time I had an argument was because of queue-cutting . Before, I was eating in a restaurant in Shanghai and queuing to order. Everyone was queuing . At this moment, a girl wanted to cut in line. She didn’t tell me. She walked towards me slowly, put her foot in my gap, turned her hips, and backed into my team like reversing into a garage. She performed a subject two crossing the line and crossed my moral bottom line . It was a disadvantageous situation. I said, “Girl, you cut in line.” She said, “I didn’t cut in line. Don’t yell in the restaurant. I tell you, it’s not easy for me to work hard in Shanghai alone. ” After she said this, I knew it was impossible to turn the tables. But there are always There will be shining people who are brave enough to do what is right . There was a big man in his 50s who was in front of me in the queue before . The big man said, “You just cut in line. There are people queuing in front and behind . This is Shanghai . You should be more civilized in our Shanghai. I hate people who cut in line. But I also hate Shanghainese who always think they have a unique accent. Listen to what he said about being more civilized in your Shanghai. We are not allowed to cut in line in the countryside. My brain is very confused. I don’t know who to hate. I’m like that subway judge. The big man is getting angrier and angrier and still wants to seek my help. The young man asked her to line up behind you and didn’t want to see her. I said there is no need . It’s not easy for girls to work hard in Shanghai. Don’t yell in the restaurant . I’ll go to the back and be quiet. The only time I had a tie was when I had an argument with a designated driver. One day, late at night, I wanted to go out for something to eat. I rode my electric bike. I rode very slowly because the air was very good. As I was riding, suddenly a designated driver came by my side and he just passed by. He didn’t just pass by. He left me a very harsh swear word . I’m going to imitate and present it to you. Don’t worry, I have purified him for you. He said “da da da, why are you riding so slowly? ” I stopped immediately. I felt really wronged because I could hear that “da da da” so clearly that I couldn’t pretend not to hear it. It was like a slap in my face. Why are you riding so slowly? The wind brought it to me. I was still reflecting on myself . I said, “What did I do wrong? Why are you scolding me like this? Is it because you can see that I don’t have a car and don’t need a designated driver? You scolded me too harshly. But I thought about it for more than ten seconds and made a very brave decision. I chased after him. After I caught up with him, I looked at him and said “da da da”. He was very surprised. He seemed to have lost his memory and looked very uncultured . I think he was not surprised by the fact that I scolded him, but that I could catch up with him . I am the designated driver who accepts orders the fastest. How could he catch up with me ? Of course I can catch up with you. My electric bike is the top-of-the-line version. After I scolded him, he reacted and started “da da da”. We started riding forward at a constant speed, one by one, like two dogs, without any lethality, as if we had reached some kind of tacit understanding. We just said those four words, and no one changed the lines for fear that the other would not be able to pick up. It was very interesting. I felt that those four words were our safe word. There was no one on the road at that time, and the lights were also very dark. You felt that you were not scolding each other, but giving each other courage and accompanying each other . I felt that I was escorting him to pick up a designated driver . I was like a knight escorting a knight. I was so happy , clacking and clacking , and laughing . My heart was warm. One clacking, two clacking, three clacking. Two strangers found themselves in Shanghai. I really hope that I can keep clacking with him. I really hope that I can keep clacking with him. Until the end of time, until the edge of the city, when the mountains are gone and the sky and the earth are united, I will dare to break up with you. I know that even if he really scolds me, even if he really keeps scolding me, I will not lose this battle . I cannot lose because while I was scolding him, I heard his phone saying that your order is about to time out and he needs a designated driver. It is not easy for him to work hard in Shanghai alone. After I heard this prompt tone, I knew that the moment that belonged to us was coming to an end. We separated at a dark fork in the road. At the moment of separation , I felt that the BGM in my mind was ringing, that song ” When I see you again (When I meet you again) All the drivers on the road followed me, it was too ugly. I was a little reluctant to leave him. I wanted to see him at the next intersection, but I didn’t dare to chase him. I was afraid that our conversation would become very strange after I caught up with him. After I caught up with him, I said, “Hey, where are you going? Are you going to pick up a designated driver ? Is it okay to be a designated driver? No, I have to make money to fill my wallet. I shared this with many good friends as a joke . Listen to me, if you have been depressed recently, you can also try to walk to the street late at night to find your own Da Zi, very happy. Only one friend took it seriously and he was very angry . He said, “Li Mengjie, I never thought you were this kind of person. I think a mature adult should not say that kind of dirty words in public . I feel ashamed of you. I said, you are putting too much on me. If you were me, you would be driven by a designated driver. He stopped the car and scolded you, what would you do? He said he wouldn’t do anything, he was just a designated driver. I said, listen, only bastards like you really discriminate against others. I scolded him because I care about him, so how could he be right? Why is this right? I finally figured out why I always get into conflicts with others because I really treat everyone as a human being, we are all equal. If the world kisses me with pain , I will definitely repay it with one, two, three, da da. Thank you everyone, I am Li Mengjie . That’s great. The countdown for Li Mengjie’s ticket lock. Applause goes to Li Mengjie. Thank you. Mengjie has a strange cuteness . This point of him is something that no one expected. I thought the BGM (background music) would be that of Cyndi Wang , da da da, changed to happy dance steps , da da da, and then it was that song . Then when you started singing that BGM (background music), I realized why I had to sing. When I see you again (When I Meet You Again) is really refreshing. I listened to this tonight. I’m sorry , when did Chunchun press the light? You saw it, right? After she pressed the light, I didn’t plan to sing the song about the second hand turning. Although I pressed the light at that point , I actually wanted to press it before, so I just got stuck at that point because I felt that the process of the confrontation between him and the rider was actually very strange and weird. I don’t know how he wrote it. In fact, it was something that happened in a relatively harmonious environment because it was really dark at night. It seemed that you could do a lot of things at night , like you could meet a worker who got off work just like you, and suddenly the two of you were very happy because what I said seemed very strange . I’m sorry, I won’t say it anymore, it’s a bit too strange. The last part made me feel that you were right, that’s the feeling, but I thought it was very cute . The way he handled it was very clever, and those who understood would understand. Then he kept talking, and I thought it was quite interesting . What you said makes sense. Right. Later on, the two of them established a friendship and even clicked one, two, three, four. The uncle started to feel relaxed. But did you two really click one, two, three, four for a long time? Yes, it was really a long way. I like it so much. Let me tell you why I felt very happy and a little like crying when I listened to it. It’s because when I debuted 20 years ago , I was not used to the Internet. I would express something normally, and then a group of thugs would come and scold me . He scolded me twice, and I would scold him four or six times. It was like this all the time. Then, when social networks appeared and I had millions of fans, they would ask why I had to argue with such a person. After doing this for many years, I was left with a very bad reputation. My real thoughts at that time were exactly the same as what you said. I felt that I was equal to him, so I scolded him. I hope you know what is right for you , but choose to do what is safest and most beneficial to you on the road ahead. But it’s okay as long as you and I both know what is right. Okay, thank you. Thank you, Mr. Luo . Come to Mengjie and take a break. What impressed me most was that I said, how could I receive so much warm applause from everyone? Several actors seemed to think that Li Mengjie, you seemed to have finally spoken out, you finally seemed to have established yourself as a character, and you finally did something. They seemed very happy . Why were everyone so nice ? When I watched Li Mengjie’s performance, I cried. I don’t know why , but I might have seen a kind of innocence in his segment , especially when he said one da da, two da da, can you feel that a weirdo is a weirdo? This segment actually talks about his inner world and his unique worldview of Xiao Li. Then I don’t expect the audience to like me all at once. I hope you will like me slowly and enter my world slowly. I think Xiao Li’s courage, I admire him very much, I think he is the best Li Mengjie. If the world kisses me with pain, I will definitely repay it with one da da, two da da, three da da. Thank you everyone (I am) Li Mengjie. The person who is about
to go on stage is a Hakka girl from Meizhou, Guangdong. Let’s welcome Huya . Come on , Huya. Hello, friends in the audience, how are you? Hello, everyone. I am Hu Ya is 34 years old this year and comes from the Hakka area of Meizhou, Guangdong. Many of our friends may not know us well, so let me give you a brief introduction. There are two very important things in our place. One is to take the civil service exam and the other is to continue the family line. You may understand it as Xiao Shandong , but in our place, we pay great attention to the division of labor between men and women. Men are responsible for taking the civil service exam and women are responsible for continuing the family line . If you are a woman and you insist on taking the civil service exam, then you can wait two years before continuing the family line . So in the past two years, my grandmother has been urging me to have a baby and she has been driving me crazy. She even told me that she didn’t care whether I got married or not, but at least I had to give birth to a baby first . How do I explain this to her? Friends, my grandmother is both advanced and backward in terms of women’s consciousness. I really don’t understand why so many people are willing to have children if giving birth is so painful, right? For example , when my best friend had just given birth, I went to see her and she was lying on the hospital bed She told me very weakly but very firmly that I must not give birth to a tiger tooth, it would be worse than death . Half a year later, when I went to see her again, she held the child and told me that it was okay , it was just a little painful when the wound was sutured without anesthesia . Two days ago, I called her and she said she was planning to have a second child because she was worried that the eldest child would be lonely. Friends, what is this? This is a typical post-traumatic stress syndrome. After experiencing great pain , she will lose her memory . I can’t think of any other reason. She can’t be possessed by a ghost, especially my grandmother, who last gave birth 40 years ago. She has forgotten so completely. She tells me every day that you shouldn’t hurry up. When I was your age, your father was already working outside to make money. I thought to myself, what’s the big deal, right? When I was my age, my father was also working outside to make money. But I definitely can’t say that. Then I told her , “Grandma, I dare not give birth.” Giving birth is too painful. She said, “It hurts, so just have fewer children , just three.” I said, “Grandma, do you have any misunderstanding about having fewer children ? ” She said, “Three is not a small number, I gave birth to six.” I said, “Grandma, you are amazing. She implemented the three-child policy twice by herself . Her condition has gotten worse recently. She has not only forgotten about it, she has started to make up stories. She told me that giving birth is very easy, and that a sneeze will bring it out. She said that I was the one who delivered your father myself. I said, “Well, she said that when she was pregnant with my father , our family conditions were not very good, and she had to do farm work every day. One day, she went up the mountain to chop firewood, and halfway through, she had a stomachache. She found a thatched hut and solved the problem herself. ” I said, “Grandma , you are exaggerating a bit, so I took it for granted, I took it for granted that you could really give birth by yourself , but where is the umbilical cord ? You can bite it with your teeth.” After I said that, my grandma was very angry, and she said, “You have been like this since you were a child, and you never listen to me seriously.” What did I just say? I went up the mountain to chop firewood, but my grandma is still good at finding solutions. She called me two days ago and said she had good news that there is now no… Painful childbirth, I quickly checked the Internet, the so-called painless childbirth does not mean that there is no pain in the whole birth process, it means that when you are giving birth naturally, when the opening of your uterus is about three fingers, anesthesia is injected into the spine , and then the pain is brought to a tolerable level . Friends, please listen to this sentence carefully. Making the pain to a tolerable level is not called painless, right? You can’t say, hey, brother, I recently invented a painless big pussy. Do you want to try it? The brother said it’s painless. I haven’t tried it. Then I bit it and you said it hurts . I said yes, but you can bear it. Then I complained about this to my bestie in the talk show circle a few days ago . I said it’s so annoying, giving birth is so painful, what should I do? Then my bestie told me this, she said, then wouldn’t it be better if you don’t give birth? I said, can I not give birth? I was still considering whether it would hurt, and she was already considering whether to give birth or not . Friends, I found that I seem to be a little behind the times, you know , I was still bargaining, I said If I can’t sit at the main table, can I sit at the children’s table? I eat very little. My sister stood up and overturned the table, saying that I had nothing to eat and neither did you. I was the only one standing there with a bowl in my hand, saying that there was nothing to eat. She saw that I was confused , and she said to me very seriously , “Hu Ya , wake up a little. Life is a wilderness, not a track. ” I said, “But I always thought that I was a train , not just me. The people around me and I are all trains. Our lives have clear stops, which are going to school, working, getting married, and having children. The first two stops are OK for me , but the last two stops are not my favorites , so I drove very, very slowly. The trains around me drove past, some were full of children , and some drove and changed tracks and came back full of children again, right? So when she told me that life is not a track but a wilderness, I was really confused. I really didn’t know what to do. But friends, it’s okay. Maybe I really don’t know what to do for a while , but at least I Got it. I’m not a train. I’m Huya. Thank you all for coming to Huya’s ticket lock countdown. Let’s give a round of applause to Huya. Huya’s language, including her rhythm, has a kind of musical rhythm. You get addicted to it after listening to it many times, right? And I like her description, which is very vivid and full of life. I like her second half even more . There is a reason why I didn’t clap. The protagonist in the first half is your grandmother. She is a very important character, representing that generation of women who may not have such advanced choices . In this whole narrative, she should not be our opposite, but our past. But I actually like your later part about the wilderness train and the track , especially when she drives out of another track and comes back with another car full of children. These are what I like. These are more powerful and can directly point to the reasons that make us feel not only physical but also psychological pain. So I think a lot of this power should be pulled away from the grandmother and go over there to balance the proportion of this content. I think it will be better if it is polished. Applause to Hu Ya. Can I answer Lu Yu’s question a little bit? Of course I can, because I love my grandmother very much . I don’t treat her as an opposite. And what she said is because as a woman of that era, her understanding of happiness and life is that she should have a happy family. I also hope to live my life according to their ideas, but it may not be that simple. So if I want to prove to her that I can be happy by taking another path , then I have to be more successful than what she thinks is worldly success. So why do I use my grandmother as an example ? It’s because I really want her to see that I actually have the ability to live a good life. Maybe it’s not very good now , but I will have the ability to live a better life. But that thing may not be explained clearly in a 5-minute talk show. Maybe I I will write it as a special show in the future and explain it clearly. This is the first step. Thank you, Teacher Lu Yu. Thank you , thank you, Hu Ya . Thank you, thank you, Hu Ya. Come and take a break with Meng Jie. I really hope to write about our inheritance between women in my special show. The two most important women in my life are my grandmother and my aunt. My grandmother is a very traditional Hakka woman. She has devoted her whole life to her family, her husband, and her children. She doesn’t make her own decisions about her life . She wanted to go to school and get married. But her father wouldn’t let her go to school. She made a scene at home and said she wanted to go to school. Then her father said if she cried again , he would hit her with tongs. She always felt that if she could read more books in her life, she would have more choices in her life. Can grandma read? Li Yunying can only write about herself. So she hopes that my aunts and others can read more books. My eldest aunt finished junior high school and then started working outside. She saved money and started to start her own business. She tried many different industries, but always failed in business , so she went back to work in the factory and started saving money again. She never admits defeat. I feel that part of my personality is also very similar to hers. My grandmother represents a group of people, my aunt represents a group of people, and then I also represent a group of people . Generation after generation, I hope I can become one of the more progressive ones. Let’s give a round of applause to the popular king of Deserted Island. Hello, everyone. We are the popular king of Deserted Island. I am Qiao Yi and I am Poor Xiaofeng. Thank you, thank you everyone. Last year, I was performing and creating all the time, but I didn’t forget my main job, my main job as a screenwriter. I still wrote a lot of scripts and had a small breakthrough by writing an international blockbuster . 07 is very handsome , right? I like it too , right ? So, can you let me act in this script? It just so happens that I have the script with me. Now I can let you act and see how it feels, okay? OK ? Let’s start at 12 o’clock in the evening. James Bond, who has been working for 7 consecutive days, returns home and continues to make PPT (presentation). Which kind of 007 are you talking about? Bond, a famous British agent , does very dangerous work , right? Isn’t this kind of intense work dangerous? You can die suddenly at any time. Then do you have any secret missions or something like that? Come immediately. 007’s boss, Ms. M, finds him urgently. 007. The secrets of our intelligence agency have been stolen by the villain. Your mission is to sneak into the enemy and get the secrets back. No problem. I have prepared some equipment for you. This is a pair of glasses. When you encounter danger, break the glasses and it will turn into a cobra. No (no) What? This joke is terrible. 007 always has some British humor. British humor uses Chinese homophonic puns. Anyway, get ready now. We received a tip that the villain is holding a cocktail party, so 007 pretended to be a guest and sneaked into the cocktail party . You walked to the bar elegantly and asked the bartender to have a big green stick and a beer. Bond usually ordered a Martini in such occasions. You walked to the bar and ordered a Martini, and then a small whirlwind Martini. No matter how I show off , you still have to use the big green stick, right? Do we have to use the little whirlwind? Of course , the bartender looked at you and also used the little whirlwind. You must be 007, right? I am your contact person. Little whirlwind is the contact code. You are going to a restaurant in the Northeast and you don’t even know who to contact, right? Go to the bartender’s counter. I have been lurking here . I have already found out the secrets of the intelligence community. It is on the first basement floor . Okay
, let’s go to the first basement floor now. 007 found an elevator and then there is the classic puzzle-solving segment. Come on, which floor is the underground floor, the B1 floor or the LG floor ? What kind of support do we need? We need Qin Shihuang to come and unify. The big villain has lost his ability to move. Taking this opportunity, 007 broke through the siege and jumped out of the window. Are we on the first basement floor ? 007 broke through the siege and jumped up from the window . Is it a problem of up and down? I jumped up from the basement. What am I? I can change it to the second floor. 007 jumped from the second floor and ran all the way to his car and started calling for a designated driver . What are you calling for a designated driver for ? You just drank. Martini. Little whirlwind . Don’t drink and drive. Don’t drive after drinking. That’s right. In the end, 007 was arrested by criminals because he obeyed the law. The villain used electric batons to torture 007. I won’t say anything. I want to see how long you can hold on. My electricity is alternating current . As long as you are shocked, you will want to communicate. If I’m not mistaken, this should also be British humor. Thank you for your applause to the desert island popular king. Let me say a few words for everyone. While watching your performance , the teacher suddenly pulled me and whispered that during this year, have they both grown old? I said, how can you say that? Their manzai has become very reasonable, right?
At the beginning, 007 started talking about the difficulties of going to work, and later on, drunk driving is very… I always hope that 007 can be stupid, but 007 has always been very reasonable. This incident made me not reach that high point. I have to sincerely say sorry to Mr. Da. I have let him down a little. When we came on stage, Mr. Da stood up and was very happy. It’s just that this performance did not meet his expectations . I am very sorry. Okay, let’s give warm applause to the Desert Island Popular King again. At the same time, we also want to invite Hu Ya and Meng Jie to the stage. This is the only 1V1V1 in our entire season. The votes of the three groups of contestants are: Li Mengjie 238 votes successfully entered the promotion area , while Hu Ya and Desert Island Popular King will enter the waiting area. Applause to the three groups of excellent talk show actors