【FULL】王栎鑫十八般武艺炫富 魏翔强吻唐僧上演辣眼西游 | 欢脱定律 | iQIYI潮综艺
Hey, flower girl! Let’s play rock-paper-scissors! Oh my goodness! What good luck! Whatever, he’s so skinny now. Big brother, the real deal. Come on, one, two, three! Let’s feel it. Welcome, everyone! Ladies and gentlemen, I am Mayor Yuchi of Huantuo City. This Happy Community has just opened a new Happy Tattoo Shop. I have a buddy who had his girlfriend’s name encoded into a barcode tattooed on his belly. Not long after, his girlfriend dumped him. He turned his grief into gluttony, binge eating and drinking. In the blink of an eye, he went from being as handsome as Sun Wukong to looking like Garfield. He went back to the tattoo shop to remove the tattoo, but after the removal, it was all bumpy. We took another look and realized it wasn’t a tattoo anymore, these were stretch marks! I helped my friend post online, we made a thread calling for other victims to jointly complain about this shady business. We agreed to meet at this time, the person should be here by now. Oh, I’m sorry, I’m late, I’m late. Hello, Mayor Yuchi. Not at all, you’re not late. Hello everyone, I’m Wang Yixin. Where’s your tattoo? No, no, no, that’s not appropriate. This isn’t appropriate. Is it on your back? No, no, no, I don’t have one. Look, what’s the big deal? We’re all grown men here. You young people, why are your thoughts so complicated? You jump to dirty jokes at the drop of a hat, don’t you? I’m more about action. You’ll be a bad influence on kids this way, won’t you? You’ve become a father, haven’t you? That’s right. On November 10th last year, I had a daughter. My daughter’s name is Wang Weiyi. Let me think, November 10th, the day before Double 11. When this girl grows up, she’ll be a shopaholic too. You better be prepared. I guess she’ll have a good head for business. Yes, I will. Thanks to my wife, my wife has a good head for business. Is that so? Before I left home, my wife specially approved a large sum of money for me. That’s great! You know, I usually don’t have money, I give all the money to my wife. Today she approved a large sum, and told me on my way back to buy some stuff from the supermarket. Washboard. Keyboard. Durian. How do you know? You’ve kneeled on them before, haven’t you? I haven’t tried it yet. Why don’t you buy some radiators? Keep one as a spare. Alright, I think you’re someone who knows how to enjoy life. Yes. Make good use of these props. I’ll learn more from you, okay? I almost forgot the main thing. There’s still something important? I’m going to confront that unscrupulous black market dealer. Right, let me see what they look like quickly. Let’s go. We’ll see next time. Don’t let him get away. Come on, let’s chase him. Hello everyone. I’m one of the main creators of the next skit. Let me introduce you to our upcoming skit. The difference from other skits is that it has a lot of sound effects, and they’re particularly rich. During our rehearsals, the sound effects teacher worked especially hard. He’s the first to arrive and the last to leave every day. Can we give a round of applause for our sound effects teacher? Teacher, thank you for your hard work. Hello, where’s the director? No, teacher. I am the director. You’re the director? Then who am I? You’re the sound effects teacher. What happened to your head? I think I was in a car accident earlier. My memory comes and goes. And I think I had something very important that I needed to come here and find the director for. What was it again? To do the sound effects for our play. Oh right, the sound effects. That’s right. I’ll go do it now. Teacher, can you remember? Yes. How do I get to the sound effects room? Turn right at the back. Listen up, actors. If there are any problems with the sound effects, improvise and adapt. Ensure the performance goes on. The performance begins. The competition is about to start. Don’t be arrogant. Practice well. Yes. Coach, this is today’s newspaper. The investors have decided to withdraw funding from the baseball team. The future of the baseball team is in jeopardy. Bastards! Coach, what should we do? Don’t worry, just train hard. As long as we get good results in this competition, we don’t have to worry about not finding investors. Come on! Let’s start training. Okay. Come on. Chengcheng, can you get me the rosin powder? Here. No, Chengcheng, what are you doing? You Looking so handsome with makeup. Okay. Alright, stop fooling around. Let’s start training. Alright, here we go. Here I come. Put some effort into it. Where did you throw the ball? Why is the ball so slow? I’m just slow-paced. You Can you speed it up a bit? Fine, I’ll use my special move then. Meteor Ball! Here it comes! Bring it on! Here it is! What kind of Meteor Ball is that? This is the kind that will make you see stars. Meteor Ball. Quick, make a wish. Oh. Zhuo Xing, let’s take a break and have some water. Come on. Have some water. Okay, let’s have some water then. Have some water. What are you doing? You look more natural without makeup. Looks like someone’s coming. Lock the car. The remote’s broken, forget it. Ah, it’s done. Two cars. Oh my. Well, I came here driving a remote-controlled car. Hello, Coach Xiao. Long time no see. What brings you here? Just came to check on you guys. Ever since the 2003 National League, we haven’t seen each other. Right, that match when you misplayed the shot, the cue slipped from your hand, and broke my hand. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have ended up coaching in a place like this. Coach Xiao, let’s not bring up old stories. Right? Besides, there are some things you don’t understand. What don’t I understand? Back then, I I said you don’t understand. Don’t say I don’t understand. Where there’s love, there’s pain. One day you’ll know life without me wouldn’t be any different. It would be different without me. Coach, that’s enough. I’m asking you, what don’t I understand? I said you don’t understand. Don’t say I don’t understand. Where there’s love Speak properly, no more singing. What don’t I understand? Back then, when I hit your hand with the cue, it wasn’t a mistake. I did it on purpose. You bastard! You want to fight, huh? What are you doing? I’m not afraid to hit myself. Are you scared now? No, I’m not. Then don’t blame me for being rough. What are you doing now? Are you scared this time? Still not scared. Fine, I’ll make you scared then. Okay, okay, I’m scared, I’m scared! Let me ask you something. What are you here for today? Let me think, I’m a bit dazed. Right, I came here because I heard that your baseball team is having financial difficulties. And Zhuo Xing is a promising talent. So, let Zhuo Xing come with me. It won’t be for nothing. Here’s 10,000 yuan, it’s all yours. I don’t want your money. Coach, didn’t we say we don’t want it? Yes. Right, I just want to count it for fun. Take it. Let me tell you something. Zhuo Xing absolutely cannot go with a coward like you. Coward? I’m a coward? Of course you’re a coward. You broke my hand back then just because you were afraid of my home runs, right? Me, afraid of you? That’s a joke. Then how about this? Do you dare to have a match here today one more time? Let’s bet on Zhuo Xing. If I win, Zhuo Xing comes with me. If you win, Zhuo Xing stays. And I won’t take the 10,000 yuan either. Come on. Are you ready? Let’s do it. I’m warming up. Don’t just stand there, everyone. Hey, Coach Xiao, are we still having the match? What’s going on? I can’t watch this anymore. Let’s go. Who can’t jump? Zhuo Xing, will you come with me? Join my team. You ride your bicycle, carrying that girl, no need to rush anywhere. Not afraid of wind or rain. When you smile, my sky brightens up. Looking at you, I know what an angel looks like. Once, I was reckless, wanting to be with you forever, not caring if it was ridiculous or absurd. Time is like fine sand, we couldn’t hold onto it. Youth is a lesson you taught me to grow. The best of us, the best of youth, what I miss most is still that person from the beginning. The best of us fears loss the most. The world changes, but it has nothing to do with us. The things we promised not to forget, have you forgotten them? I only have so many smiles, and I gave them all to you. I lift my head and can still feel you, even if you’ve flown far away. Once, I was reckless, wanting to be with you forever, not caring if it was ridiculous or absurd. Time is like fine sand, we couldn’t hold onto it. Youth is a lesson you taught me to grow. The best of us, the best of youth, what I miss most is still that person from the beginning. The best of us fears loss the most. The world is changing, but it has nothing to do with us. The world is changing, and so are we. Oh, honey, let me tell you something. Did you see how hardworking Zhazha is today? Let him take a break. Yes, yes, yes. He should take a break. Zhazha, Zhazha, Zhazha. Zhazha, what are you doing? What’s he doing? He’s fallen asleep. I’m not asleep. You’re snoring and you say you’re not asleep? Hey, Zhazha, what’s going on with you now? you sleep during work hours, and you even sleep during overtime? Boss, if you put it that way, let me ask you something. Did you eat yesterday? Yes, I did. Are you going to eat today? I won’t. How can you not eat today? I… I’m on a diet. I eat every other day. Zhazha, let me tell you, don’t think you’re in the right here. Get back to work. Boss, come here. Can I ask you something? Are you the one in charge at home? Of course, this big store is all mine. What do you think? That makes it easy then. Give me 50 yuan. What? Give me 50 yuan. No, the previous sentence. Are you the one in charge at home? No, I’m not. Boss, you… Get back to work. You’re such a pushover boss, I swear. Waiter! Hello. I ordered a clear soup hot pot earlier, why did you give me a spicy one? That’s not possible. I definitely served you a clear soup hot pot. If it was clear soup, would my mouth be like this? It shouldn’t be. I’m 100% sure I served you clear soup. Aren’t you just arguing for the sake of arguing? My tongue is numb. I can barely speak. You try it, go on, try it. Let me taste it. The hot pot is leaking electricity! Boss, quickly turn off the power! Hurry, hurry! You served me a spicy, electric-leaking hot pot? I’m telling you, this can’t be resolved. Let me tell you, I have to take this pot away. It’s leaking electricity. Not that pot, oh, the pot… What’s going on? It’s leaking electricity. Welcome! Coming! Excuse me, boss, I’d like an order of fried pancakes. Alright! Thank you. Boss’s wife, he’s been coming to our restaurant and eating for free for a month now, and still hasn’t paid. Why are you still letting him eat? No, it’s just scraps. Can’t you have some pity on him? Think about it. He’s in his thirties. No money, no house. No wife either. And his luck is so bad. You see, that’s why I’m saying. Look at how he is now. Can you bear to see him like this? Hurry up and serve him. Here’s your fried pancake. Thank you. Mom, um… I’m in Beijing. I found a job. Yes, I did. I have food and drink. Where am I now? Thailand. It’s really nice. The company went on a trip. So I went along. Why is Thailand so quiet? Mom, why would I lie to you? Mom, actually… Sawasdee-ka. Hello. You heard the Thai person speaking, right? Hello, auntie. Wish you good health. Mom, I won’t say anything more. I’ll call you back later. I’ll hang up now. Goodbye, auntie. Thank you, thank you. What are you thanking me for? Isn’t this what I should do? Hurry up and eat. Li Xin. What should we eat today? Anything is fine. We’ve eaten at all the restaurants on this street. Let’s eat at this one. Waiter. Hello. I’d like an order of fried pancake. Do you have any dietary restrictions? No. Is there anything you can’t eat? Yes, I can’t eat and not be full. Please add more filling. Alright. Let me tell you, their fried pancake here. It’s really delicious. He Huan, is that you? Li Xin. Old classmate. Oh, old classmate! Oh my, oh my! That’s great! Sit down, old classmate, sit down. What a coincidence! Li Xin, how long has it been since we last met? It’s been about four or five years, right? Yes, four or five years. See how good my memory is? I didn’t go to your brother’s wedding last time. I didn’t give a wedding gift either. I feel quite embarrassed about it. It’s okay, it’s okay. Here. This is an invitation. You must come to my wedding this time. Um… Fried pancake. Waiter, waiter! What’s the Wi-Fi password here? Oh, the Wi-Fi password is LYP82NLF. Is it that complicated? Not complicated at all. Let me tell you. It’s the abbreviation for ‘Bring a bottle of 1982 Lafite.’ Bring a bottle of 1982 Lafite. What does that mean? Hand over the money. It wasn’t me. Cut the crap. It really wasn’t me, I don’t have it. Do you want me to gouge your eyes out? Hurry up. Thank you. Li Xin, who’s this? My humble wife. Say hello. Hello. Oh my god. Is their fried pancake even edible? The pancakes aren’t even cut evenly. Li Xin, let’s go for seafood instead. Let’s go. Come back, come back. What seafood are you talking about? Eating seafood every meal. Aren’t you tired of it? Look at you. Is seafood more important than old classmates? Right, shrimp? Look how funny you are. Did you come alone? Where’s your girlfriend? Uh… Well, I… Don’t tell me you don’t have a girlfriend. Watch what you’re saying. Do you know how to talk? What do you mean by ‘no girlfriend’? It’s called being a ‘single noble.’ So you really don’t have a girlfriend? Why haven’t you got a girlfriend yet? You didn’t have a girlfriend in elementary school, or in middle school and high school, and it’s been years since you graduated college, still no girlfriend. What’s going on? Isn’t your mom worried? Let me tell you, I don’t even want to talk about him. He wasn’t popular even as a kid, you know? Oh my, really? Lady, who are you? Hello, everyone. I’m He Huan’s girlfriend. How old are you anyway? As the saying goes, An older woman is like holding a gold brick. You must be holding over a dozen then, right? Can you even lift that many? An older woman is like holding a gold brick. How many I hold is none of your business. Lady, they say women are made of water, but you must be made of cement. Don’t talk nonsense. I’m an Aquarius. Huan Huan, I’m hungry from laughing. Well, then eat. So you… She wants you to feed her. Oh my goodness. What’s that dazzling thing? Oh. It’s my 18K gold ring. Well… Honey, isn’t it dazzling? Is it shiny? It’s blinding me. Quick, put it away. Keep it low-key. Oh my God. Honey, do you remember? Last week, you liked a diamond ring. I bought it for you. Here, try it on. It looks beautiful. Alright, Huanhuan, you two chat first. I need to go take care of something. Goodbye, auntie. Who are you calling auntie? You’re such a brat. I’m sorry, auntie. This girl is so thoughtful. Well, Li Xin, I don’t have much appetite. Let’s just go. Go where? Sit down. Hey, who are you yelling at? What’s going on? My words don’t work anymore, huh? Sit down right now. Stand up. Sit down. So obedient. Get up. What are we talking about here? What’s this? Let me see. Isn’t this the new one we bought? The key to that house? Yes. Is it? Yes. Aren’t these all our car keys? No, isn’t this the house key? Too many houses, I forgot. Li Xin, you’ve bought a house? The location isn’t that great. Second Ring Road. Small house. Villa. Don’t be fooled by it being a villa. There are still many people living there. Two people live there. Where are you living now? I… You’re not still living in a basement, are you? How can you talk like that? Do you know how to speak properly? What do you mean by living in a basement? It’s called the lower ground floor. You really still live in a basement? You… How many times have I told you not to live in a basement? Basements are so damp. And the rats… It’s not good for your health either. Landlord brother, Landlord brother, I’ll give you the rest next month. please don’t kick us out. Okay, fine. Thank you, landlord brother. Don’t keep dogs in the room. Understood. You’ve all moved up. Well, people have moved up. But their hearts are still down there. Right, right, let’s talk about something else. Let me tell you. I recently bought a new yacht. I parked it in Houhai. I named it ‘Houhai Great Shark.’ You know? You don’t know about this yacht, do you? I’ve never known about it. Is this 97 octane? or 95 octane? In the end, I filled up with 92 octane. Wang Yixin Oh my, this yacht of mine! Let’s go home. Alright, enough talk. Let’s head home. You know, it’s quite interesting. Stand up for me. Showing off, showing off, showing off, aren’t you? Bragging, bragging, what are you bragging about? Aren’t you embarrassed? Let’s go home. Turn right. Salute. I’ll take you for a yacht ride later. Let’s go play at my mansion. Come on, let’s do it again. Oh my goodness, still bragging even like this? He’s the one bragging. Look at him, acting all cocky. Well, thank you all. If it weren’t for you today, I wouldn’t know what to do. It’s alright, it’s alright. We’ve all been through those times. Money, money, money. Ring. Wife. Boss and boss’s wife. Well, I owe you for the meal, right? I, I just… It’s okay, it’s okay. You can pay us back when you find a job. Thank you. Alright, let’s go, let’s go. Let’s go. Go on. Boss’s wife, I have a question for you. Go ahead. Why do you always want to help him? You know, we’re all the same. We all came to Beijing from elsewhere to make a living. And whenever I see He Huan, I’m reminded of when I was with Lao Bai, my ex-boyfriend. We’re from the same village. Zixu Bao, It’s been 500 years. Back then, for your sake, I willingly accepted Buddha’s punishment to become mortal. But what about you? You’ve clearly returned from your pilgrimage, why are you avoiding me? Buddha, Wukong has a request. Zixia, that girl, for 500 years, has been unable to escape the suffering of love and desire. I can’t stand by and watch anymore. As a Buddha, I should do my job and help her transcend. So, lend me the Moonlight Box. I’ll go back 500 years to help her find release. Okay? Hmm. I heard that. A divine response! Hmm. I want to borrow your Moonlight Box. Hmm. Will you lend it to me or not? Hmm. You’ve agreed! Hmm. Can you say anything other than ‘hmm’? Hmm. 500 years, the Moonlight Box returns to the past. Give it to me. Hey, Moonlight! Tell the magic box to send me back 500 years ago. to see Zixia. Take me there quickly. Boluo boluo mi. Amitabha. I’ve really arrived 500 years in the past. Zixia! Zixia! Wukong, what are you doing? Master! Why are you as fat as a lion’s head? Nonsense, nonsense. Didn’t you say I was too handsome? afraid Miss Zixia would fall for me. You used magic to turn me into this. Quickly change me back. Yes, yes, yes. That Zixia has been following us on our journey to the West. Right? That’s right. Yes, Master, look at your figure. I can change you back. But you see, it’s easy to gain weight, hard to lose it. If you change back, it will greatly harm your vitality. You want me to stay like this? When we encounter the Women’s Country, what am I supposed to do then? If you want to change back, that’s fine. I have a method. To lose weight with this figure, you must eat a big rooster. A big rooster? Yes, but this rooster’s preparation process is quite complicated. I hope you remember it clearly. I have a quick memorization technique. Let’s hear it. Okay. First, you need to find some millet. Dye it red with cinnabar. Red rice. Right, then borrow Buddha’s hand to imbue it with magical power. Hand. Then find a big rooster. Have it eat all the red millet. Chicken. Then take a silver needle. Pierce it into the rooster’s body. Needle. Then use a big stick. Beat the rooster to death and it’s ready to cook. Stick. Put it all together, it’s Redmi phone is great. I have a tricky matter now. You must help me take care of it. Only then will I be in the mood to accompany you to the West. Tell me, what is it? It’s like this. You see, this Miss Zixia. She’s been following us on our journey to the West, right? I’m telling you, I can’t stand her. She’s too annoying. Tell her to get lost. You heartless monkey, you unfaithful man! You shameless bastard! Why are you hitting me? Although I usually advise you to let go of worldly desires, but think about Miss Zixia. Her heart how broad and generous it is. She’s washed so many socks for us along the way. Especially Sha Seng’s sweaty feet. The stench has driven away all the fish in the Quicksand River. Saying all this is useless. At worst, we’ll just stop wearing socks from now on. What do you mean, not wear socks? You’re just a heartless monkey. You unfaithful man, let me tell you. What are you doing? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Try hitting me one more time, I dare you. What’s the matter? You dare to raise your hand against your master? So what if I do? I am the Great Sage Equal to Heaven. I can easily take down a fat guy like you. Fine, you asked for it. Just you wait. What are you doing? Chanting sutras again? Go ahead, chant all you want. Let’s see if it still works after 500 years. Come on, chant. Master, I beg you. Please stop chanting. I was wrong. I’ll do whatever you say, Master. That’s more like it, Wukong. To err is human, to forgive divine. I can’t get over this emotional hurdle. I’m not in the mood to accompany you on the pilgrimage, Master. I’m begging you. Stop crying. Do you have any brilliant ideas? It’s like this. Let’s team up and trick Zixia later. What do you think? Will this work? Isn’t this nonsense? Nonsense or not, you have to help me try. I’m begging you, please? Alright. I’ll help you just this once. Good. Who? Who what? Zixia is here. Where’s Zixia? Zhizunbao is here. Zhizunbao. Zixia. You’re still so beautiful. Zixia. Let me tell you. I’m telling you. Are you deliberately avoiding me? I’ll show you what avoiding is. With those girls. What’s with all the flirting? Explain it to me. Stop hitting. That’s quite a punch. I knew you’d be like this all day. Always hitting or scolding me. I’m telling you, I’ve had enough of you. I want to break up with you. I didn’t mean it just now. Can’t you just let me off? Get lost, don’t try this trick with me. I’m serious. I want to break up with you. Why? Because I’ve already had someone else in my heart. Since when? Who is it? It’s him. Truly in love. Stinky monkey. Using such a disgusting excuse to fool me. Is that so? I’m serious. I’ve long been in love with my master in my heart. My master also loves me truly. We didn’t tell you. Because we were afraid of hurting you. I’ve had enough of you on this journey. I want you to leave. My master and I want to have our own world. Go away. I don’t believe it. Prove it to me. Kiss him. If you dare to do it in front of me, if you two kiss, I’ll believe it. Is that really necessary, Miss Zixia? You must prove it to me. If you can kiss for 10 seconds, I’ll disappear forever. Come on. We can’t just do it like this, can we? Ten. Nine. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. You’re ruthless. Zhi Zun Bao. Master, how do you feel? I feel… I feel like I could go for another kiss. Master, thank you. I’m sorry for making you suffer, Master. No, it’s not about me. The key is, you’ve wasted Miss Zixia’s deep love for you. Master, I can’t explain it in just a few words. I know Miss Zixia loves me, loves me to death. I feel for her too. But let me tell you, I’m doing this for her own good. I’m doing this to set her free. You know? It’s just an act, it’ll pass. It’s nothing. I knew it. You were all lying to me, weren’t you? Where did you come from? Why do you care where I came from? Anyway, I heard everything you two said. What did you hear? Didn’t you just say something about putting on an act for me? And something about setting me free? Are you hallucinating? Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Since you’ve said that, I’ll stick with you for life. What are you doing? Let go! Let go! Don’t hold on! Do you know how annoying you are to me? My disciple, I’m feeling a bit nauseous now. I’m going to pick some eggplants. No, Master, wait! I’m going to pick eggplants with my master. Don’t go! What are you doing? Stop right there! Can you stop clinging to me? I just want to ask you one thing. Do you love me or not? How many times do I have to tell you? I don’t love you. I love you. I don’t love you. I love you. I love you. I don’t love you. You just said you don’t love me. I’m leaving. No, I just… Never mind. Anyway, I just love you. I won’t leave no matter what you say. I won’t leave even if you kill me. Are you going or not? I’m not going. So you’re not going, huh? No, I’m not. Hey, you! Yes, I’m talking to you. That one. Don’t pretend you didn’t see. Yes, you. Not Howling Celestial Dog, the one next to Howling Celestial Dog. Not the Star Lord of Mao either. The one next to the Star Lord of Mao. You. Yes, that’s right. You. Bull Demon King, come here. You just wait. What are you doing? I’ve been calling you for ages and you didn’t respond. I did respond. What did you respond to? Howling Celestial Dog responded. The Star Lord of Mao also responded. Did you respond yourself? Alright, it’s been years since we last met. This guy’s foreign language skills have improved. I’ve been practicing my vocal skills for Zixia lately. Do you remember what I told you before? I remember. Wait here. What are you doing? Being lazy. Don’t you know you should be working? Don’t you know there are so many socks to wash? Go wash the socks by the river. Alright. Hurry up, don’t come back until I call you. What are you looking at? Come here. Come, let’s sit down for a moment. Let me tell you. I called you here today. Because I want to match you with Zixia. Set you two up. I’ll let Zixia marry you, how about that? Really? Of course it’s true. If you can successfully match us up. You’ll be the big brother from now on. Let me tell you. But there’s one thing you must promise. Go ahead. From now on, you must always be good to Zixia. Do you hear me? No problem. Old Bull. Do you know what kind of man Zixia likes? What kind of man? I don’t know. Zixia likes romance. Romance is just three words: I love you. How should I say it? Stare into her eyes with all your might. From the heart. Watch me, I’ll show you. I love you. Got it? Try it once. Practice on your own. What are you doing? You haven’t finished washing the socks after all this time? Are you slacking off? I just can’t get enough of your scent. I don’t want to wash it away. Why are you so disgusting? Come here. Do you see him? That’s my buddy, the Bull Demon King. Go over and chat with him. Don’t get distracted, you hear me? Be nice, hurry up. I’ll be asking questions later. Oh. Go quickly. Xiaxia, you’re here. Come, come, have a seat. Xiaxia, can I ask you a question? Do you think I’m handsome? Pretty handsome. She said I’m pretty handsome. Xiaxia, let me show you something else. my talent. An impersonation show. This is Howling Celestial Dog. This is the Star Lord of Mao. This is me. Impressive, right? You can choose any of them. You choose. Okay, the three of them talking together. That’s really great. Pretty impressive, huh? Yeah, impressive. Xiaxia, um… The last thing is… I love you. Get lost. Why did she tell me to get lost? Monkey, this trick doesn’t work. Are you a bull or a pig? Why are you so stupid? Who wouldn’t tell you to get lost? This one is useless now. I’ll tell you the trump card directly. Remember these words. Memorize it and say it to her sincerely. Got it? Put your heart into it, hurry up. Zixia, Once there was a sincere love… …placed before me. Say no more. I agree to be with you. Really? Really. She… Um, when can we get married? You set a date. How about three days from now? Okay. When shall we consummate the marriage? It’s up to you. Great! How about a kiss first? Wait a moment, I need to talk to her. Wait here for a bit. You agreed. You agreed before he even finished. I know what he was going to say. Zixia, do you really know him? He’s the Bull Demon King, he kills without blinking an eye. And let me tell you… This guy, he never takes a bath. He doesn’t bathe for over a year. Can you really marry him? If I don’t marry him, who should I marry? You should marry someone you truly love. Isn’t that enough? Do you really have to marry him? I know. I should marry someone… …who I truly love. If I don’t marry him… Should I marry you? No, that’s not what I meant. You don’t have to marry him. Besides, if you want to marry him… …you should think it through carefully. Then let me ask you. I’ve been your housekeeper all this time. Washing your clothes, cooking for you. Have you ever cared? You’ve never considered my feelings. If I don’t marry him… Should I marry you? You don’t have to marry me. Who you marry is your own business. you just need to consider… I’ve been waiting for you all this time. You’ve never cherished me. You still want to get rid of me. I won’t marry him. Should I marry you instead? Fine, marry me. What did you say? I said, marry me. Xiaxia, why are you crying? Why are you hugging him? Let go, let go! Monkey, what are you doing? Weren’t you the one who brought us together? to be together? What are you doing now? I regret it. You regret it? You… You’re going back on your word. You’re such a scoundrel! I’m not talking to you. Xiaxia, look at the ‘double happiness’ character I prepared. I’ve prepared everything for you. I’m sorry. Okay. You two are playing me, aren’t you? Alright, Monkey. We’re brothers. I don’t blame you. Otherwise, I’d seem petty. Right? Since it’s come to this, I can only give my blessings. I wish you both a hundred years of happiness together. May you have children soon. Farewell. I want your life! Watch out! Zixia! You forced me to do this. If I can’t have you… …then no one can. Bull Demon King! Zishunbao! Don’t! Zixia! Zixia, are you alright? Zixia! I know you love me. Maybe you have your reasons. I don’t blame you. I won’t live to see the day you marry me. I just want to hear you say one thing. That you love me. Then I can die in peace. Alright, I promise you, Zixia. I… Wukong. Zixia has gone through nine reincarnations for you. Do you think she has truly understood what love is? Buddha. I was wrong, Buddha. I wanted to go back 500 years… …to help Zixia free herself from desire. I didn’t expect that I still… …couldn’t change the outcome. Buddha, I beg you. I’m begging you. Please save Zixia. I’m begging you, Buddha. Amitabha. Zixia was originally a lamp wick before Buddha. Her life span has now come to an end. She will vanish into ashes. Unless you’re willing to die… …and use your yang body to become a lamp wick. To accompany her in cultivation. Only then can you save her soul after ten thousand years. But you two must endure the trial of true fire. Suffer for ten thousand years. After that, though Zixia will live… …you will fall into nine cycles of reincarnation. Forget everything. You two will still be separated by heaven and earth. Are you willing to accept this? Buddha, your disciple is willing to do anything. Immortals and demons. Thank you. Hey, don’t wander into the Silk Cave carelessly. Silk Cave. You think I can’t read? It’s clearly the Water Curtain Cave. The name Silk Cave sounds pretty good too. You’re mine now. If someone bullies you, just mention my name. From today on, I’ll be known as the Great Immortal of Silk. My beloved is a world-renowned hero. One day, he will ride on seven-colored clouds to marry me. I guessed the beginning correctly, but I couldn’t predict this ending. Once, there was a sincere love right in front of me. I didn’t cherish it. When I lost it, I regretted it deeply. There’s nothing more painful in this world. If heaven could give me another chance, I would say three words to that girl: I love you. If I had to put a time limit on this love, I hope it would be ten thousand years. What is love in this world? It makes people willing to sacrifice for each other. On this small stage, I’ll perform a short piece for you all. It’s absolutely brilliant. You’ll laugh and cry while watching it. This made me think, what kind of man can be considered a good man? I want to use Mr. Chen’s famous quote to answer this question. I didn’t add any of the mosaics. No, that’s wrong. It’s Mr. Chen Jichang, the poet from Hedong. I only love you. I’ll spoil you and never lie to you. Everything I promise you, I will fulfill. Every word I say to you is true. I won’t bully you or scold you. I believe in you. If someone bullies you, I’ll be there to help you immediately. When you’re happy, I’ll be happy with you. When you’re not happy, I’ll comfort you until you’re happy. I’ll always think you’re the most beautiful. I’ll dream of you even in my sleep. In my heart, there’s only you. What a great man. Alright. Okay. Wake up, girls. If you don’t wake up, are you waiting for New Year’s? In this day and age, thinking of you all the time, not bullying you, not scolding you, putting you first in their heart, when you’re in a bad mood, always ready to cheer you up. Such a thing exists, and there’s only one. It’s not even a person. Its name is Siri. Only it can comfort you all the time. keep you company. But remember to bring a power bank when you go out, everyone. It won’t last too long either. Goodbye.